About this site

I started this site due to being an occasional sufferer of sexsomnia (sleep sex). Whilst researching the subject, I found that it is quite rare. I decided to start this site to educate others on this curious condition.

My form of sexomnia typically involves me initiating sex with my partner whilst I am (we are)  asleep. Luckily my partner understands, and even sees the funny side of my sexomnia, and does not take offense. I think I am more scared than her when I awake mid-intercourse. She often thinks I have just woken up ‘a bit horny’.

I have never experienced sleep masturbation, however it is another form of parasomnia. If you have any information you would care to share, please contact me and I will happily read and hopefully add your view to my website. I invite sleep sex, sleep masturbation and indeed all parasomnia sufferers to share their experiences with on my site.

49 Responses to “About this site”

  1. Holly Hennessy Says:

    Hi, my husband has this! I didn’t know it was an actual disorder! I just read an article about it and I am blown away! Like your partner I too thought he was just having a sex dream or got horny too.I always just laughed about it I thought it was kind of cute. But the thing is he either goes back to sleep before we can do anything or we do and he doesn’t remember A THING! I am worried though that this may be a sign that maybe he also has sleep apnea? What do you think? Every morning, and I mean every morning he wakes up EXHAUSTED and it is a real struggle for him to get up. He is so tired he is nauseous! Any ideas?

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  2. el_fre Says:

    I have experiecend exactly the same as the post most above.
    In the past it happened a few times I couldn’t remember that we made love.

    Also One time I awoke in the middle of intercourse.
    Today my girlfriend tells me this:
    Yesterday we had an arguement and shortly after I fell asleep I started touching and angaging intercourse.

    It happens to me also a few times per year.
    For now I am not going to do something about it.

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  3. Stacey Says:

    I am currently working on a documentary about sleep disorders and am interest is speaking with anyone willing to discuss the topic and their experiences. Admin I could not find your email address/contact info so please let know the best way to reach you. Thank you.

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  4. Laura Says:

    I’m 24 years old and have been with my partner for three years. We have two children. I’m pretty sure my partner has sexomnia. I’m constantly woken up in the night with him either touching me between the legs or pressing “himself” against my bum. He’s fast asleep and I have to wake him to tell him to roll over, which resolves the issue at least for a short while. I’ve discussed it with him briefly but it horrofies him that he’s doing this without being in control of it. It’s as though he feels perverted by his own sleeping body. For this alone I’ve been light hearted about the matter as I don’t want to really upset him. But the truth is I often feel violated. I’ve woke to him aggressively forcing his hands around my lady area and have before literally flung him off of me when he’s suddenly dived on top of me. Last night I was woken up nine times by him stroking me between my legs. How do I laugh it off for his sake when I feel so dirty and angry when it gets that persistent or aggressive? It’s certainly not sexual frustration causing this as our sex life is healthy. Its more common the less i wear in bed but I can’t exactly get dressed top to toe on hot summer nights. Nor do I want to or have the option to sleep in a seperate bed. Having sexomnia must be terrible but people who suffer from sexomnia aren’t just the people who have the condition. I’ve been suffering for over a year – my partner only seemed to develop this condition during our relationship.
    Is sexomnia recognised enough to approach our GP?
    Please help. Just a chat would help.
    Thanks

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  5. Beth Says:

    @Laura,
    I feel for you. A lot of your post hits close to home. My boyfriend of 2 years has suffered from sleep disorders since he was a child, so I’ve been aware of his tendency to talk in his sleep, sleepwalk, and have the occasional night terror. It was only recently that we’ve noticed a pattern of sleepsex in our relationship, and it was the last episode that left us both feeling upset. Whereas before we’d laugh off the unexpected sex from the night before, this time I was shocked to find him a very different partner than I am used to sleeping with. Violated is the most accurate way to describe it. My normally loving and responsive boyfriend was being aggressive and forceful in engaging sex with me. When I confronted him the next morning, feeling somewhat hurt and taken advantage of, he shared in my feeling of disappointment and…I hesitate to use the word…dirtiness (because our sex life has always felt healthy and positive as you mentioned). My main concern is how to handle this moving forward as it is often difficult for me to tell when he is awake vs. sleeping, and I myself am often half a sleep when this activity begins. I’m curious to know if your boyfriend has had any success in speaking with his GP, or with a therapist, or if anyone else has advice on how to handle this. Thanks!

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  6. kate Says:

    Hi I am sorry to hear of your experience with sleep disorders. I hope that there is something your GP can do. I am a journalist and really interested in raising awareness about sexomnia and to get it recognised as a serious disorder. I write for the national women’s weekly magazines in the UK and I was wondering if any of you would be interested in talking to me about this and what you have been through in order to produce a feature raising awareness about sexomonia and encouraging more people to come forward with their experiences/solutions.

    my email address is kw5694 [at] live.com

    I look forward to hearing from you,

    Kate x

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  7. S Says:

    @ Beth and Laura

    I too am the girlfriend of someone who has sexomnia and only recently has there been an incident that, like what you describe, has been unwanted and forceful. I was unable to wake him up or push him away enough to make him stop. We had a long talk about it afterward and he is devastated that he first had so little control that he hurt me and second that there is not much he can do about it. He has been talking about taking drastic measures to prevent himself from having incidents like tying his hands before sleep, but as this is a rare occurance for him (once every few months) I don’t think we need to be that drastic yet. We plan to sleep in separate layers of the bed to see if that will start to dissuade him.

    For him triggers seem to be stress, lack of sleep, changes in routine and maybe alcohol (which was involved in the most recent and aggressive instance). Thankfully he and I do not drink often and will be extra careful with alcohol in the future. I can usually tell immediately that he is asleep because he doesn’t talk much and what he does say is not easily understood. Also he tends to be more determined and aggressive in the desire for sex.

    I can only recommend to everyone to keep the communication going and don’t be afraid to talk about what happens when you/or your partner is asleep. I have read through the side effects of the drugs usually prescribed for this and similar sleep disorders and can firmly say that they will be a last resort for us as the likely side effects are very severe.

    @ Admin : Thank you for setting up this site. It really helps to see that we are not alone and to share advice.

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  8. -D- Says:

    My wife and I have recently discovered that I have this problem. It has only started in the passed couple of months, but she wakes me up in the middle of the night every once and a while because I have done something to her. This is something that is difficult for the both of us and I want to get help, but i’m having difficulty figuring out where to start. I’ve looked in to some sleep specialists, but none of them seem to have any experience with sexomnia or even know what it is. Does anyone have any advice/experience for where to get help for this type of problem? Any input would be a great help at this point.
    Thanks

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  9. Jenny Says:

    I recently was sleeping over a friends house. I woke up to him rubbing my ass, at one stage humping my leg and even taking his penis out and putting it on my ass. Tho everything he did was subtle. I assume to try not to wake me. He says he can’t remember it. How do I know if he’s lying or telling the truth

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  11. Jenn Says:

    My husband has this problem. And I have to confess that I enjoy it. He is like another person, and I just relax. Sometimes I play with his parts to wake up his sexomnia and he start doing it. I don’t have a problem with that. The only thing is that we had a very good sex before and now I feel that I enjoy more when he have sex with me while he is sleeping. Do I need help instead of him? Hahahaha maybe.
    I have to say that one time I tried to say no and he forced me. Hey!!!! but I still like it.

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    Current score: 1
  12. Stressed Says:

    I sleep masturbate. I figured it out on my own, no one really told me of my condition. I find it to be very embarrassing. I cant tell anyone about it and you say there’s no cure. I’m 17 and I’ve never had sex, I wanna know if having this disorder means that I’m no longer a virgin.

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  13. Stressed Says:

    I sleep masturbate. I figured it out on my own, no one really told me of my condition. I find it to be very embarrassing. I cant tell anyone about it and you say there’s no cure. I’m 17 and I’ve never had sex, I wanna know if having this disorder means that I’m no longer a virgin. Thanks

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  14. its ok Says:

    if your penis hasnt entered another girls vagina i believe your still a virgin

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  15. Sexsomniac Says:

    I would like to work with you to increase Sexsomnia Awareness. Please link http://sexsomniacsjourney.com to your blogroll and I will do the same for you.

    Also, let’s see if we can come up with a plan to increase overall Sexsomnia Awareness together, working as team. Your thoughts?

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    Current score: 1
  16. Faye Dobson Says:

    Hi there everyone,
    My name is Faye. I’m a features writer for the UK women’s magazines. I’d like to do a piece on sexsomnia and how it affects sufferers.
    Ideally I am looking for a British female sufferer, or the partner of a sufferer, again British. It would be a personal piece from the point of view of the contributor and they would have control over the content of the piece. The contributor would also be paid for their time and trouble.
    Would any one be interested in speaking to me?
    Thanks,
    Faye
    faye@catersnews.com

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    Current score: 1
  17. Jamie Says:

    I’m 30 year old guy in a gay relationship. I have been with my partner for 8 years and had the normal highs and lows in our sex life. Over the past year he has told me I have been ‘abusing’ him in his sleep… It’s never been aggressive and he has been able to stop me from progressing further. Until last night when I know I was having a erotic dream… However was on this occasion arrgessive and tried to pin him to the bed… He hit me and pushed me off, I woke up and this was for me the actual evidence and reality of my problem!

    I am worried to sleep at my friends houses and have guests and family at my house to stay just incase an embarrassing or bad situation occurs!

    Will this ever change?

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    Current score: 1
  18. Jamie Says:

    Jenn:
    My husband has this problem. And I have to confess that I enjoy it. He is like another person, and I just relax. Sometimes I play with his parts to wake up his sexomnia and he start doing it. I don’t have a problem with that. The only thing is that we had a very good sex before and now I feel that I enjoy more when he have sex with me while he is sleeping. Do I need help instead of him? Hahahaha maybe.
    I have to say that one time I tried to say no and he forced me. Hey!!!! but I still like it.

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  21. Bal Says:

    no, you dont have a problem; but I suggest you at least share your feelings with him about the experience.

    Jenn:
    My husband has this problem. And I have to confess that I enjoy it. He is like another person, and I just relax. Sometimes I play with his parts to wake up his sexomnia and he start doing it. I don’t have a problem with that. The only thing is that we had a very good sex before and now I feel that I enjoy more when he have sex with me while he is sleeping. Do I need help instead of him? Hahahaha maybe.
    I have to say that one time I tried to say no and he forced me. Hey!!!! but I still like it.

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  22. Bal Says:

    No, you dont have a problem but I suggest you share your feelings about the situation with him.

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  23. lornajane Says:

    My partner has this and its effecting emotionally and i aint sure what to do i suffer anxiety. And depression i have also previosly been raped and i do not know what to do any more i just feel angry. About it even tho i want to understand also is it known to have to force them off you as they wont take no as a answer as such??

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  27. Bridie Wilkins Says:

    Hello!

    I am a journalist in the UK looking to speak to someone about their experiences with sexsomnia. The interview would not take up much of your time and would allow you to promote awareness around the disorder as well as receiving a fee for your time and trouble. I am ideally looking for a female sufferer, although male is also brilliant! If you are interested please email bridie.wilkins@hotmail.co.uk for more information.

    Thanks,

    Bridie Wilkins

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  32. Concerned partner Says:

    my partner has recently been diagnosed with sexsomnia (non REM parasomnia to be precise). It’s been tough. His takes the form of masturbation in his sleep. At first he thought I was making it up. He was embarrassed perhaps but he actually accused me of lying. We argued a lot. At first I didn’t realise he was sleeping so all I knew was he was waking me up sometimes more than once a night getting off beside me. It was pretty devastating. I’m all for madturbating. It’s natural. But this was every night and I was sleep deprived and thinking he didn’t want me any more. It is affecting me deeply. I love him. But I’m tired and developing insomnia myself
    . He won’t take medication but he’s also not pro actively doing anything to decrease his stress like meditation or exercise. He sleeps through it. I’m wondering how partners cope? Logically I get that it’s not something he can help, nor is it about him not loving or wanting me. Emotionally it’s a tough road.

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  41. Nina Says:

    Yesterday something very horrible happened, I had a first episode but I hurt my husband, he didn’t know what to do, he had never experienced something as horrible as that, I was forceful and aggressive and he didn’t wanted to hurt me, he felt powerless.

    He wanted to keep up with me but it wasn’t possible, I was unpleasant, terrible, almost angry.

    I’m not an aggressive person, my husband is my life and I love him, but I felt like I abused him and I can’t even look him in the eye after what I did…

    I know is difficult to believe because I’m a woman and he is a man, but believe me, it doesn’t change how terrible I made him feel, he asked me to stop and I didn’t… I didn’t had control, he pushed me away and I woke up…

    He was terrified of me, I feel like something in our relationship is never going to be the same, I hate myself so much because of what I did, I don’t know where to seek for help, I feel alone, I feel like crap because of what I did to the love of my life.

    Please… Can somebody help me?
    He is a sexomniac too but he is not like me, even knowing that it wasn’t me he feel very bad and weird with me
    I feel like crap

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  47. Angelfire919 Says:

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