Sexsomnia

What is sexsomnia?

Sexsomnia, or sleep sex, is a rare condition where a person engages in sexual activity during sleep. This can involve masturbation, or initiating sexual contact with a partner.

Sexsomnia is a sleep disorder just like sleep talking or sleep walking and sufferers will often have experienced one of these related disorders. Personally, I often sleep talk and I have been known to sleep walk on rare occasions, increasingly when under the influence of alcohol.

When does sexsomnia occur?

In my personal experience, I can initiate ‘sleep sex’ with my partner every couple of months. Although this can vary greatly between sufferers. I can go months without a single sleep sex incident, or it may happen twice in a week. It also doesn’t seem to matter whether I had already had sex that very night.

How can I stop sexsomnia?

There is no known cure for sexsomnia. Doctors may prescribe drugs which sedate the sufferer to a degree, but these often have side effects such as drowsiness. I would not recommend taking drugs for this condition unless you experience particularly strong episodes and there is no other option.

For most people, the worst effect of sleep sex is often embarassment between the sufferer and their partner. This needn’t be the case, as long as you talk it through with them and be honest with each other. There’s nothing weird about it, it’s just like sleep talking. Fortunately, my partner is very accepting and is happier about my condition than I am! Also, my occurences are relatively infrequent.

If you want to talk to someone about your Sexsomnia, feel free to email me using the Contact form.

363 Responses to “Sexsomnia”

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  2. Giving up Says:

    It looks like most people have loved ones who understand. I don’t. This disorder has taken everything from me and I literally don’t want to wake up anymore because of it. I guess it’s a lot worse if you don’t have understanding and support.

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    Current score: 0
  3. Robert Says:

    Hello, i am pretty sure i have sexsomina . Almost nightly after just an hour or so of falling asleep i start masturbating very aggressively till i cum and it doesnt stop there. I have since set up a video camera to record this and it appears that i will masturbate and then cum and then continue masturbating again and cum another few times. The odd thing is when i have sex normally while im awake i typically will only cum once and on very rare occasions cum twice. Watching these videos of me asleep i have seen myself cum 4 times. The scary thing is i must be very careful to not fall asleep anywere, one time i fell asleep at the beach, i woke up and i was covered in cum and people were looking at me and some laughing. I was fully erect and totally naked and my shorts were no were to be found, a very humiliating experience. Another time in my own backyard i had fallen asleep next to our pool in lounge chair, i woke up again naked covered in cum and fully erect and i could hear from over the fence laughing from numerous people. I dont know what to do anymore i wake up in morning extra tired and my cock is sore from all the masturbating, not to mention the large amounts of laundry i must keep doing from bed sheets being soaked in cum. I have learned to sleep naked to cut down on the amout of cloths i must wash and try and sleep with just one blanket. What worries me is i also sleepwalk and im afraid one day i will wander outside and have sex with someone or masturbate infront of people and get arrested. Does anyone know how to control this? or have same symptoms?

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    Current score: 1
  4. Ben Cole Says:

    I need some type of help with this it’s killing my relationship

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    Current score: 0
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    Answer it…only question is there

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    Give suggestions

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  8. T’s Girl Says:

    I’m the partner. An earlier comment from a spouse of someone suffering from sexsomnia pretty much mirrored what I’m going through: too many nights thinking he was masturbating beside me through the night, as his behavior portrayed a person trying to sneakily jerk off in bed beside me. Having grown up overseas in an extremely overpopulated city, i was regularly assaulted with men openly touching themselves while looking at me, or feeling my crutch or chest on public transit. This happened from age 5-18 when i then moved back to US. Whereas if my partner were truly awake once in awhile and wanted to masturbate to get back to sleep, or felt turned on, randomly, I’d be fine with that. As i said many times initially during waking hours: I’m about honesty and transparency, above all else. Pls just tell me if you’re too afraid of telling me at the time. He’s gotten angry several times, feeling accused, because he says he has zero recollection. As far as he’s concerned, he went to sleep at night & woke up in the AM and that’s all there is to it.

    I’m honestly baffled at the lack of support for bed partners—there’s almost nothing out there addressing the pain we endure with this. Sleep in separate rooms? Seriously? I live in a large, expensive city and 1) don’t have extra rooms to choose from, and 2) sleeping with a partner is one of the biggest joys there is in a personal relationship. It is full of ritual, connection, warmth, feelings of safety and contented ness and togetherness. That simply isn’t a solution on any level.

    I have had one solidly good night’s sleep in the last several weeks. I’m awakened nightly, and many times it goes on, literally, for hours. I often leave the room, for a few reasons. Tonight i was trying to stick it out, but then saw his arm shoot up out of the covers and reach to his right, where his nightstand is and i couldn’t stop watching to see where this was going. His fingers were writhing and arm gently swaying/jerking. I think he was reaching for his phone and completely missing it. He sometimes, though, has been successful. If he manages to grasp it, Ive noticed other nights, he fumbles with it under the covers. Pretty sure he’s unsuccessful at actually finding any good visuals online. Still, that doesn’t stop him from going at it. And the few and far between times where he ejaculates still doesn’t stop it from continuing. Then he sometimes does climax but just stops after 5 mins or so. I have parasomnia in my own history, and except for the focus of sexsomnia, the actions, behaviors, expressions are pretty much exactly the same as sleepwalking/moving.

    But: ARGH!!!!! It is driving me insane and robbing me of sleep and a sense of safety in my own bed. Not enough is understood; nowhere near enough support resources for the real sufferers of this disorder—the bed partners who are awakened repeatedly by it…. it’s now 3:05am and time to go check & see if my bed is still and quiet enough to catch a few hours before my alarm goes off for work…

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    Current score: 1
  9. Georgina Says:

    My husband has this condition although for him he goes after full blown sex with me.

    I have in the past sometimes let it happen, I never used to fully understand that he was totally asleep. Then he became increasingly violent, he would grab and hurt and one night I woke with him trying to enter me with his hand round my neck. He does like porn so I can only assume he is acting out a fantasy which is fine if he were awake and incontrol. Instead he is a six foot four threat to my safety whilst he sleeps

    This condition isn’t safe for partners and needs to be more widely communicated and understood

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    Current score: 0
  10. T’s Girl Says:

    Follow up: it’s gotten much worse. He now, from all outside indications, appears very awake, and trying to conceal both the masturbating and viewing porn. I’m left unsupported still and scratching my head: is that sort of fine-tuned cognition even possible with sexsomnia? We still can’t know for certain because the two sleep studies he’s done found mild apnea (tho he neither snores nor gasps at all, and breathing sounds stay deep and full through the night…) & they said he did move around but nothing that indicated anything. What in hell does that even mean?!

    I’m now starting to question my judgment. I’ve bent over backwards trying to support and to encourage him to please keep looking for answers but I’m wondering if I’ve been a stupid idiot for trading loyalty and trust for my sanity. I never get a full night’s sleep—it goes on every single night, and I’m not feeling any reciprocal support despite my having to suspend belief in my experiences over and over again, and taking him at his word. I feel devastated, and often worry I’m being gaslighted. Everything in my life is impacted by this and no one seems to care. It has been going on for over 7 months and increasing frequency and activity since it began.

    T’s Girl:
    I’m the partner. An earlier comment from a spouse of someone suffering from sexsomnia pretty much mirrored what I’m going through: too many nights thinking he was masturbating beside me through the night, as his behavior portrayed a person trying to sneakily jerk off in bed beside me. Having grown up overseas in an extremely overpopulated city, i was regularly assaulted with men openly touching themselves while looking at me, or feeling my crutch or chest on public transit. This happened from age 5-18 when i then moved back to US. Whereas if my partner were truly awake once in awhile and wanted to masturbate to get back to sleep, or felt turned on, randomly, I’d be fine with that. As i said many times initially during waking hours: I’m about honesty and transparency, above all else. Pls just tell me if you’re too afraid of telling me at the time. He’s gotten angry several times, feeling accused, because he says he has zero recollection. As far as he’s concerned, he went to sleep at night & woke up in the AM and that’s all there is to it.

    I’m honestly baffled at the lack of support for bed partners—there’s almost nothing out there addressing the pain we endure with this. Sleep in separate rooms? Seriously? I live in a large, expensive city and 1) don’t have extra rooms to choose from, and 2) sleeping with a partner is one of the biggest joys there is in a personal relationship. It is full of ritual, connection, warmth, feelings of safety and contented ness and togetherness. That simply isn’t a solution on any level.

    I have had one solidly good night’s sleep in the last several weeks. I’m awakened nightly, and many times it goes on, literally, for hours. I often leave the room, for a few reasons. Tonight i was trying to stick it out, but then saw his arm shoot up out of the covers and reach to his right, where his nightstand is and i couldn’t stop watching to see where this was going. His fingers were writhing and arm gently swaying/jerking. I think he was reaching for his phone and completely missing it. He sometimes, though, has been successful. If he manages to grasp it, Ive noticed other nights, he fumbles with it under the covers. Pretty sure he’s unsuccessful at actually finding any good visuals online. Still, that doesn’t stop him from going at it. And the few and far between times where he ejaculates still doesn’t stop it from continuing. Then he sometimes does climax but just stops after 5 mins or so. I have parasomnia in my own history, and except for the focus of sexsomnia, the actions, behaviors, expressions are pretty much exactly the same as sleepwalking/moving.

    But: ARGH!!!!! It is driving me insane and robbing me of sleep and a sense of safety in my own bed. Not enough is understood; nowhere near enough support resources for the real sufferers of this disorder—the bed partners who are awakened repeatedly by it…. it’s now 3:05am and time to go check & see if my bed is still and quiet enough to catch a few hours before my alarm goes off for work…

      (Quote)

    Current score: 0
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  12. Anna Says:

    Georgina:
    My husband has this condition although for him he goes after full blown sex with me.

    I have in the past sometimes let it happen, I never used to fully understand that he was totally asleep. Then he became increasingly violent, he would grab and hurt and one night I woke with him trying to enter me with his hand round my neck. He does like porn so I can only assume he is acting out a fantasy which is fine if he were awake and incontrol. Instead he is a six foot four threat to my safety whilst he sleeps

    This condition isn’t safe for partners and needs to be more widely communicated and understood

    Hi Georgina,
    My situation sounds similar to yours. I know how scary and confusing it can be. It’s weird having all these negative memories of the person you love and knowing they don’t remember and aren’t responsible for their actions while asleep!! My husband is on medication now which has been a life saver. I agree that there is little support for spouses who are experiencing regular sexual assault.i would love to talk to some one who actually understands what it’s like if you’re interested?

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    Current score: 0

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