Sexsomnia
What is sexsomnia?
Sexsomnia, or sleep sex, is a rare condition where a person engages in sexual activity during sleep. This can involve masturbation, or initiating sexual contact with a partner.
Sexsomnia is a sleep disorder just like sleep talking or sleep walking and sufferers will often have experienced one of these related disorders. Personally, I often sleep talk and I have been known to sleep walk on rare occasions, increasingly when under the influence of alcohol.
When does sexsomnia occur?
In my personal experience, I can initiate ‘sleep sex’ with my partner every couple of months. Although this can vary greatly between sufferers. I can go months without a single sleep sex incident, or it may happen twice in a week. It also doesn’t seem to matter whether I had already had sex that very night.
How can I stop sexsomnia?
There is no known cure for sexsomnia. Doctors may prescribe drugs which sedate the sufferer to a degree, but these often have side effects such as drowsiness. I would not recommend taking drugs for this condition unless you experience particularly strong episodes and there is no other option.
For most people, the worst effect of sleep sex is often embarassment between the sufferer and their partner. This needn’t be the case, as long as you talk it through with them and be honest with each other. There’s nothing weird about it, it’s just like sleep talking. Fortunately, my partner is very accepting and is happier about my condition than I am! Also, my occurences are relatively infrequent.
If you want to talk to someone about your Sexsomnia, feel free to email me using the Contact form.
July 5th, 2010 at 9:07 pm
I think I have this.. It’s been a problem since I can remember. It’s probably partially why I’m so shy now. I’ve only done it to myself as far as I know but it makes me nervous to know that I may do it when someone else is around. I can’t sleep in the same room with anyone else, I always lock my bedroom door. I had a boyfriend that asked me to move in with him.. I only didn’t want to because of my unable to sleep around other people. Now we’re going out again.. and I don’t want him to think bad of me if I tell him about this.
K(Quote)
July 8th, 2010 at 8:23 pm
I suffered from this when I was first married. I would wake up in the middle of sex with my wife. It was happening every night for months, then it became more spiratic when I started getting less and less sleep. The more tired I was the less likely it happened. I don’t know if there is a correlation but it did in my case. Now I find myself falling back into this with anyone I sleep with now since my divorce.
Zaic(Quote)
July 18th, 2010 at 11:14 pm
I have suffered from this for several years now. It usually happens when I am really tired. I am worried about seeking help as it doesn’t happen every night. I am a single mom with three kids and I go to school full time and work full time. I don’t know what to do. I am worried about sleeping with someone and getting pregnant and not remembering it. I am really worried. For years it a laughing matter between my family and I, however I had sex with someone and not there is a good chance I may be pregnant. Everyone around me is mad, and I don’t remember nothing. If I was to become pregnant how would I explain this to a child or teenager? I just realized it was an actual illness.
fallenhearts(Quote)
July 22nd, 2010 at 3:00 am
I am known to talk actively in my sleep and to move around a lot throughout the night. Just tonight my fiance kicked me out of bed claiming that I tried to have sex with her and I don’t remember any of that. All I do remember is her grabbing me and pulling me closer to her. I cuddled up next to her and we spooned. I think she my have pulled my penis out of my pants and she wasn’t wearing any. The last thing I remember before falling back to sleep was feeling the warmth of her skin next to mine and the next thing she is shoving me away and telling me I’m sick and disgusting. I have no idea what to do. I am so scarred cause we just had a fight about our sex-life and then this. We both had a lot to drink tonight too. If anyone has any helpful advice.
mike(Quote)
August 20th, 2010 at 7:56 pm
I’m not sure if i have this… but just about every single night i go to bed wearing all my clothes…Shirt, Shorts, Bra, and underwear, but each morning i wake up comleptly undresses and no idea how i got that way. There was one time that i stayed the night with my boyfriend and we had had sex that night. Afterwards I fell asleep and then when i woke up i was on top of him having sex agian. I had no memory of even getting on top of him or anything. Is this a case of Sexomnia??
Rachel(Quote)
August 27th, 2010 at 1:55 am
@rachel
no,that is drunkenness
i have sexomnia too. It is very hard for me to fight with that. My girlfriend like that, but for me is too awful. I don’t remember anynthing…..
doctor(Quote)
August 27th, 2010 at 10:34 am
@Rachel:
I’m not sure why you would go to sleep fully address. Was alcohol involved?
Waking up to find that you are mid-way into sex certainly seems like sexomnia, especially since you said that you were ontop of your partner.
admin(Quote)
October 8th, 2010 at 7:31 pm
I have problems with this… A few times I have gone to sleep with someone else in the room and, in the morning, they were talking about the sex last night, yet I had no recollection of it.
Sometimes, the friend tries to wake me up, but it often makes me become more forceful – I have been known to bite and scratch.
I’ve tried sleeping in seperate rooms, but it doesn’t always work – sometimes I sleepwalk to the other room.
Because of this, I’ve never moved in with my long term boyfriend (he’s very understanding about my attempted sleeping actions with others besides him…)
I really don’t know what to do… I’m scared I’m going to hurt someone…
AAH(Quote)
November 21st, 2010 at 5:54 am
I haven’t seen anything regarding how it can affect a relationship. The spouse or partner suffers, I know that I do when I witness this act.
Pamela(Quote)
November 22nd, 2010 at 3:15 am
My ex had this… and it was awesome… unless i was proper tired… he said nicer things to me, like i was beautiful and his erection was harder when asleep! sometimes he woke up but mostly he could never remember in the morning!
Cherie(Quote)
December 4th, 2010 at 11:22 am
I think my boyfriend might have this. I wake up to him grinding against me in the middle of the night. His grip is a lot stonger when he’s asleep , usually I try to just roll over and pretend to be asleep, but it has been escalating. I know that he’s embarrassed about it, and also concerned that he might hurt me. I have looked everywhere on advice for, not just the sufferer, but for the partner, and can find nothing. What am I suppose to do? Try to wake him up? Get out of bed and move to the couch? I think he’s afraid that it will hurt the relationship, and I don’t really see it coming to that, because obviously I am educated enough about this subject, but I would like to get some sleep too.
Kate(Quote)
December 4th, 2010 at 6:10 pm
hi i am writing this because just last night my girlfriend said that i had my hands in her pants fooling around then when she moved me i tried again this has happened before with her and i have no memory of it happening she has been through a bad past and the last thing she needs is me doing this what can i do i am sleeping on the sofa untill i can controll this somebody please help
alan(Quote)
December 5th, 2010 at 8:43 am
First of all, educate your partner on Sexsomnia. Assure her that it’s just like sleepwalking, and you have no control over it.
Alcohol and stress can increase the frequency of sleep sex occurences, so perhaps you could work on these areas.
Ultimately though, there is no known quick cure, so education is our best option.
Good luck!
admin(Quote)
December 15th, 2010 at 7:17 pm
My boyfriend has this and I don’t know what the best course of action to take is. I don’t want it to affect our relationship but I don’t know what to do to try and stop it. It never happened during the first year of our relationship, and the seriousness of the incidents just keeps increasing. Is going to a GP the best thing to do?
Anon(Quote)
December 25th, 2010 at 6:49 am
My boyfriend has sexomnia, but it’s not really a big problem. On rare occasions he’s gone through a complete intercourse without waking up at all, but mostly he wakes up disorientated in the last stages or before it gets to intercourse. Only once have I not woken up, but noticed that we have been having sex while sleeping.
Luckily I don’t find it offensive, mostly fun, and only mildly annoying if I’m very tired and he wakes me up with his grinding and rubbing against me.
Once it actually smoothed things out between us, as I was ovulating and he was too tired to try getting me pregnant and we had an argument about it. But in the night he had a sexomnia incident and did the job anyway, which made us both really relieved and happy.
When he starts touching me and rubbing against me when sleeping his breathing is heavy and he’s more sweaty than when he’s awake. That’s how I know that it’s an sexomnia incident, in the beginning I thought he was awake, but now I can easily tell the difference. Actually he’s more determined, forceful and intense when sleeping, not the same as sex when awake. I can fight him of if I really don’t want to, but he’s very determined when sleeping.
No doctors has taken this seriously or even heard about the condition. Which is annoying and degrading. When we mention it they look at us as if we’re perverts or just want to talk about our sex life and it makes us feel like freaks.
But since he also has nightmares, trash around in his sleep and wakes up several times during the night, it’s relevant to find out if it can be treated, so of course we mention all the sleep-problems including sexomnia. He is always tired from lack of continuous sleep. But the taboo is hindering being taken seriously.
As mentioned I don’t mind the “spontaneous night-sex” even if he often wakes up and jumps out of bed in the middle of it, but I do want him to get proper sleep.
S(Quote)
January 3rd, 2011 at 6:10 pm
I think i suffer from this and its being a major issue for me..i cant find any guidance online of where to find support, can you help point me in the right direction please?
M(Quote)
February 5th, 2011 at 6:11 am
I heard about this condition on TV recently. I never knew it existed. It may sound funny at first, but I can see how it can be scary.
I hope everyone manages to deal with it and get on with their lives
KALEASELP(Quote)
February 11th, 2011 at 12:38 pm
Someone please contact me.
This is about to end my marriage.
Ive been married to my husband for 7 years. He’s 34, im 27.
For the past few years he’s “humped” in his sleep. the past year its got alot worse. He can get very rough and i hate it.
I dont sleep well at all. Its every night without fail. He puts my hand on his winky and tries to have a fiddle, grabs my boobs, tries to enter me, tries getting me on top etc. He’s getting worse and im starting to hate him for it.
This morning he spoke to me and said he woke himself up last night because he was thrusting so hard. I think the past few years when ive told him, he’s always thought i was joking or lying but now he knows just what he does. and to wake himself up he was obviously going mad at it!
He wont go to the doctor
amy(Quote)
February 17th, 2011 at 10:05 pm
My boyfriend probably has this. He wakes up, a lot of the times about a half hour or so after hes fallen asleep, and even after denying me sex earlier in the day, he wants it at night. He sort of pops up and starts kissing me, shoving his hand in my pants, etc. He stops after that, but a few times I had been nagging him for lovemaking during the day and he said no so I just went with it. I ask him about his episodes in the morning and he has no idea what Im talking about, sometimes I try to wake him up during or check to see if he is fully consious but I can never really tell. We think its funny, its just scary how he pops up out of no where seemingly awake.
Dee(Quote)
February 22nd, 2011 at 5:59 pm
Hi all,
Really interesting post. I’m a freelance journalist trying to put a news/issue feature article together on sexomnia, how it is viewed legally and what affect it has on people’s relationships. If you are a sexomniac or know one I would love to hear from you – pop me an email on jameslachno [at] gmail.com and we’ll go from there.
Thanks,
James
James(Quote)
February 25th, 2011 at 6:20 am
I think this disorder is a load of BS!! i have been the unfortunate Person who was Molested because of this stupid and obviously made up Disorder, its the same as frickin restless leg syndrome which i also think is a stupid disorder that isnt real , hell i have a real disorder, Not some disorder that your brain invented because you masterbated too much and now your brain thinks you need it all the time.
This is so stupid , you know what .. if any doctor can message me and give me irrefutable proof that this ” Sexomnia” crap is real, Maybe i will think about not pressing charges on on of my roommates. Cuz i am an Epileptic , and my brain actually freaks out and makes my body seize! so when it comes to this sex sleep stuff i think you are ALL full of CRAP!!!!
Kiara(Quote)
February 27th, 2011 at 11:49 am
Kiara,
First of all I’d like to offer my sympathy towards you.
I’m afraid I cannot speculate as to whether your roommate was telling the truth or not, so I cannot confirm whether you are a victim of a sexsomnia sufferer, or a victim of an intentional sex attack. Either way, the pain you feel is just as real and I hope that you find a way of dealing with it.
I urge you to please consider the feelings of sufferers of sexsomnia. Just because you don’t believe it is real, does not make it so. Are you saying that sleep walking, sleep talking, schitzophrenia, Tourettes syndrome, depression and anxiety disorders are also ‘made up’? Please open your mind and consider that just because you don’t understand, or have never experienced something first hand, does not make it a fabricated mental illness. This person may have lied to you, and they may not have this condition, but that does not mean that nobody has it.
Personally, I would have no reason to fake such a disorder. I am a well balanced 27 year old, in a healthy relationship. My occurences fortunately are few and far between, and my girlfriend is very understanding when it happens. In fact, it seems more stressful for me than for her.
If you would like to talk further on this, I am always happy to chat and offer you support. you can email me at:
kibblehayden [at] gmail [dot] com
And I promise to reply personally as promptly as I can
admin(Quote)
February 28th, 2011 at 2:37 pm
Kiara, I’m too am sorry to hear about what has happened to you, but I can honestly vouch for people who have this condition.
I have had it for as long as I have been sleeping with people. I seem to be out of the ordinary in that my sexomnia seems to manifest itself a lot more regularly and increasingly so; from once or twice a year, to every month, to every week and recently every night. I remember the majority of instances, which seems to be rather unique from what I’ve read about other people’s experiences. I will appear fully awake and my girlfriend sometimes has difficulty in realising if I’m asleep or not, especially considering the short time it takes me (half hour) to begin. I am fortunately very easily dissuaded, particularly if engaged in conversation, when I’ll freely admit to being asleep, and roll over. For me the experience is a lot more dream like, although I can see my partner it’s not her I think I’m having sex with, which is rather embarrassing for me to admit to her (I even once snook into the White House to have sex with George Bush’s daughter). There is generally no build up to the dream, I kind of ‘wake-up’ to it, and think ‘yea getting it on with this sexy girl…..’ and put all my best moves on her. If I get no reaction I’ll normally come to terms with either her not being interested or the fact that I’m actually asleep. All of my girlfriends have had the same understanding and positive attitude to the condition. However I have on a few occasions, back when it happened less frequently, found myself sharing a bed with female friends. They have either felt taken advantage of and told me to get off, or asked me what I thought I was doing, but no real harm done. I have also been taken advantage of by female friends, which, for me has left me in many awkward situations, fearful of conception, sexual diseases and in a few instances somewhat raped.
I saw my GP about this today, but am not confident much will be done. Fortunately I now have a great long-term partner, who understands this condition, so I have been slow in looking for help. But there’s always the fear that I’ll become forceful or violent, and with the increasing frequency I desperately looking for some solution to my problem! Will GLADLY contribute to any scientific/media research! davejmarshall [at] hotmail.co.uk
Dave(Quote)
March 8th, 2011 at 8:03 pm
O.k. I have a question and am hoping someone might be able to help me. My partner suffers from sexomnia. I really don’t mind it much at all but it is coming to the point where it has kinda started getting less tender and a bit more aggressive. I have done a lot of research and I know it mentions that the sexomnia personality can be different than the awake personality sexually. Meaning if he is tender while awake he could be more aggressive while asleep. We have been together almost a year now and I love him dearly and also don’t mind this at all. I am just curious if there could be other triggers that might make him more aggressive than normal. Like if there might be a tie to porn or other outside presences that help alter how he behaves while preforming in his sleep. Thanks for any advice a head of time.
Jen(Quote)
March 17th, 2011 at 6:27 am
As I said, in the previous post, I’d seen the GP who’d said they ‘would do a bit of research and get back to me.’ Two weeks later still nothing, so I guess it’s just been ignored. Last night was the worst for me, I felt like I was awake for hours just learnt up next to my girlfriend trying to seduce her (she didn’t wake up and I fell back asleep at some point). Resutingly I am absolutely shattered today. I’m worried about my job, it’s concentration intensive and I can’t focus. I’m more than likely to miss a big deadline. How would I even begin to give my condition as an excuse for my performance? I’ve approached a hypnotherapist today, I’d fill you all in on how it goes, but I’ll probably have sold my computer to pay for it all!
Jen,
When it happens to me my personality changes too, fortunately for us i become a lot more gentle. I havn’t managed to identify any trigger, alcahol, sex and stress don’t seem to affect me, but I’d guess it’s different for each individual? Sorry I can’t help more than that!
Dave(Quote)
March 18th, 2011 at 10:44 am
Wouldn’t you know it! As soon as I slate the NHS I get a letter detailing my referral to the Neurology department of my local hospital! I’ll keep you all informed!
Dave(Quote)
March 19th, 2011 at 4:30 pm
I too suffer from this. I only established it today, I tried hundreds of web searches for it but could not articulate my problem correctly. It’s steadily becoming a nightmare. It was one of the main factors for the end of my last relationship, my current girlfriend has had to deal with it and god bless her she’s very understanding.
Worst of all, a few months back I stopped at a friends house and he, his girlfriend and myself all shared the same bed. Well you can guess what happened. I groped and tried it with both of them. For the record I am completely heterosexual which leads me to have faith in the theory sexomnia personality shift that Jen has highlighted and Dave has confirmed in his case. There is no continuity to these personality changes when it happens though unfortunately aggresion seems to be the predominant one.
I shall include this link:
http://www.sleepsex.org/text/SleepsexUncovered.pdf
which is a fantastic resource if no one has encountered it yet.
I didn’t really come here for answers.
I am just so happy that I am not alone with this.
Jim(Quote)
March 24th, 2011 at 1:23 pm
I have this condition and all the stories submitted above are too familiar. Wow, I can’t believe that there are other people looking for help too. With me it strongly correlates to sleep deprivation or fatigue and indulging my mind in daytime fantasies. However, it’s difficult not to feel like a monster/predator sometimes when confronted with my behavior even though I don’t remember what happened. Additionally, sometimes I will say things or attempt things in a half dream state that I actually do remember later and I am so embarrassed. I know it has hurt some of my relationships. What kind of resources have you found that might help?
JT(Quote)
March 25th, 2011 at 3:12 pm
Hi,
I am the girlfriend of a sexomnia sufferer. We have a very loving relationship and a very active and fulfilling sex life. I first became aware of my bf’s activity soon after we started seeing each other. It usually happens when he is very tired, and therefore, ironically, is usually on the nights that we haven’t made love. It is sometimes triggered by me turning over in bed, and what I have noticed is that his movements are speeded up, and quite shaky. Sometimes his hand will wander between my thighs, sometimes he starts kissing me passionately, and within about 30 seconds, he tries to either initiate penetrative sex, oral sex, or sometimes he gets on top of me and falls back to sleep!
The way I figure it is this, most sufferers will be sharing a bed with someone who they are in a loving relationship with, so I hope that they will be able to discuss it with them and get a sympathetic response. I can honestly say that it doesn’t bother me; I have learnt to differentiate between his conscious advances and his sleeping ones…I either ignore him, in which case he usually falls back into inactivity, or I say ‘great…a freebie!’ and get stuck in! Perhaps this makes me an abuser of him?!
He is a little embarrassed by this, but is going to speak to his GP. I can honestly say that this IS a genuine condition, and would be interested to hear from the partners of other sufferers. If you do suffer from sexomnia, or if you suspect you are, then make sure you discuss it with your partner, and if your relationship is a loving and healthy one, then there shouldn’t be a problem.
TRAF(Quote)
March 26th, 2011 at 3:53 am
Ive had this condition for as long as I can remember, luckily my wife of 16 years is really understanding. It has been a real shock though seeing this condition getting publicity on the news and in the papers, I thought it was either my wife winding me up or me just being a weirdo!
Most of the time I would have absolutely no recollection of having sex at all, my wife would sometimes inexplicably thank me for the great sex last night, or give me a hard time for not leaving her alone and I would just be like WTF not knowing what she was on about. It was only after she told me what had been happening that I found out. To start with I was shocked and worried that I would hurt her because of the somewhat forceful nature of my actions. I would stay awake and worry about what may happen if I went to sleep. Now she ranges from waking up happy to basically punching me to try and wake me up.
One problem that is starting to concern me is that I have started to throw my arms around in my sleep, several times punching my wife. This is just wrong so I have now made an appointment at my GP where I am firstly going to have to explain having sex in my sleep (which will be difficult) and then tell him that I have taken to hitting out as well. Not looking forward to that!
Hopefully though it will have been made slightly easier after the publicity surrounding this condition and sites such as this.
George(Quote)
March 26th, 2011 at 11:51 am
I think its ridiculous that everyone has to emphasize and feel for the person suffering from sexsomnia.
Yeah, poor you, you molested your partner in your sleep. They should be more understanding that you couldn’t help raping them, that it wasn’t your fault that you pinned them down and forced yourself onto them. Partners of people suffering from sexsomnia need to understand that while they don’t do this willingly, and while there IS medicines out there than can prevent such incidences, the side effects to the poor sexsomnia sufferer are too much.
Please, save me the BS. If you’d rather unconsciously molest your partner than suffer from drowsiness from the side effects of the medicines, don’t ask for empathy. If I knew I was hurting someone in my sleep I’d do everything possible to prevent that. If you believe that being drowsy is worse than hurting your partner, you have more problems than sexsomnia.
Okay(Quote)
March 27th, 2011 at 10:30 am
@Okay:
Ha, I love your simplistic view on the world. If only we could pop a pill and all our troubles would melt away!
Back in the real world, parasomnia has no known cure. The only effective treatments are trying to remove alcohol and stress from your life.
Fortunately for me, my girlfriend is happy with the situation. It’s not a big issue for either of us.
I’d ask you please to keep hurtful and uneducated comments to yourself and save this place for the grown-ups to offer constructive, informed advice.
admin(Quote)
March 30th, 2011 at 1:44 pm
@Okay,
I iterate the points made by the admin! Next time you’re at the chemist or the GP ask them what they’d recommend for preventing sleep sex, I’m sure you’ll be met by a blank stare. I’ve been there, done that and have nothing to show for it. This website is the only place where I can find support and advice.
Have you had an experience with someone suffering from sexomnia that you’d want to talk about? If so this is the right place to do it!
If not, coming onto a forum designed for helping people with an embarrassing mental condition and telling them all they all have problems says more about you than it does about any of us.
Dave(Quote)
April 17th, 2011 at 3:15 am
Hi!
I am the girlfriend of a sexomnia sufferer. He also suffers a lot from sleep talking and occasionally night terrors. I don’t mind the sexomnia – it’s easy enough to deal with. I used to find the night terrors the hardest to deal with as they really disturbed my sleep. I sleep through most of his talking, advances and terrors these days as I’ve gotten used to it.
My biggest concern is the amount of sleep he gets and how tired he is all the time. Sedatives don’t really make any difference and at the moment he is really stressed with work. Are there any tips for feeling more rested? He constantly is shattered which affects his whole life. Just wish he could get a good nights rest.
Sophie(Quote)
April 20th, 2011 at 9:05 am
@OK and @Kiara,
Both my partner and myself have this condition (he more than I).
I can “episode” maybe twice a month, where he can “episode” several times per week.
We have noticed a pattern with him, where this seems to happen more so when he is overly stressed at work, or when we’ve had some kind of argument, and there is a tense atmosphere. I have not noticed any triggers of my own.
I would never, ever consider this being raped or abused by him, it is 110% out of his control. Some times, he wakes while kissing me passionately, other times he does not wake until he is about to orgasm.
When he comes around, he is confused or disoriented – with zero memory of initiating sex. He has never been rough with me, or held me down, in fact, I find it quite enjoyable.
I on the other hand, do not try to have full sex with him when I “episode”, I only kiss and “fool around” with him, usually both of us wake up and carry on.
The only down sides to this condition that we can see, is that broken sleep leaves us both drained the next day, and we are concerned about the possibility of an unplanned pregnancy (Due to medical conditions of my own, unfortunately, the Pill is not an option for me).
We certainly do not complain about it – we are both fully aware of the condition, and see it as something we share together.
Please do not leave harsh comments about something you do not fully understand.
It is not B.S. and it is certainly not an excuse for rape.
Paula(Quote)
May 4th, 2011 at 9:07 am
Hi all,
I’ve only just become aware that sexomnia is a real condition. I thought I was just going nuts!
For me, my sexomnia started around four and a half months ago. I’m fairly sure that what triggered it was a particularly nasty streak of insomnia. At my worst, I was down to around three and a half hours sleep a night. I’m up to around six hours now, but with not being able to get any REM sleep, I’m constantly tired, which just perpetuates the problem.
After reading everyone’s accounts of their episodes, I’m almost ashamed to say that mine are an every night occurance. In the four and a half months it’s been going on, there have only been two or three nights where I didn’t grope my poor husband enough to wake him up. On the upside, apparently I give a pretty mean handjob in my sleep!
Although I’m yet to actually engage in intercourse during an episode, hubby says that I grope him, and insist that he returns the favour. One night, he decided to try to just push me away to see what would happen. I punched him in the face. He hasn’t tried to do that again, lol.
The worst part of my condition is the sleep talking. I talk a lot, apparently. Which in of itself isn’t a problem. But, according to hubby, I’m declaring my undying love for another man. Talk about awkward! Lucky for me, hubby is understanding.
I haven’t sought any help, at least not from ‘professionals’. At the moment it’s not causing me any grief, and to be frank, hubby loves it. What my research has shown me, though, is that sleep deprevation makes the ‘problem’ worse. And because episodes occur during REM sleep, we don’t get a proper night’s sleep, so we suffer further sleep deprivation, which just perpetuates the ‘problem’.
So…what I’m trying to do is have an afternoon nap each day to combat the sleep deprivation, and hopefully that will slow down the episodes of sexomnia. That’s the plan, anyway!
It’s been so good to read everyone else’s accounts, and to know that I’m not the only person who goes through this. Although it seems I’m one of the minority who make it a nightly occurance. Oh, and I never wake up, and I never remember my episodes. I’m seriously considering setting up a camcorder so I can see what the hell is going on during the night! I’d love to know!
Lilly(Quote)
May 9th, 2011 at 4:04 am
@Okay
how you can comment on something that you clearly do not experience yourself is totally beyond me??
I experience sexomnia, (dont want to use the word suffer as I do not feel as though I am suffering as a result of having this condition) and have done for years. I have had a few long term relationships over the years and have experienced incidents with 3 seperate partners, all of which had no complaints and certainly did not complain of me hurting them!?
I think you clearly do not know what you are talking about on this subject and should therefore keep your unfounded comments/ opinions to yourself. The forum should surely be left for people who genuinely have an interest in the matter and not people who just want to leave potentially insulting comments regarding a subject they clearly do not have a clue about.
Dave C(Quote)
May 9th, 2011 at 6:30 pm
@TRAF: Amen!
I am also the girlfriend of a sufferer I suppose. Up until now I never thought of it as a real problem, let alone a condition!
I either ignore it and he stops, or go along with it, depending on how asleep I was myself. Usually, its the latter
Girlfriend(Quote)
May 22nd, 2011 at 12:19 pm
@Girlfriend and @TRAF
I just left a post under the ‘About This Site’ section. I’m also the partner of someone who suffers from sexomnia, and I’d love to hear your thoughts on the episode described in my other post. This site has been great for providing some insight into my boyfriend’s sleep disorder.
Beth(Quote)
June 3rd, 2011 at 2:25 am
I’ve noticed that my episodes are triggered by being really really tired. When I first started doing it my wife would go along with it but I have since told her to stop me/wake me up if I try it as I’m not comfortable with having sex without consciously being in control/aware of it. She says she doesn’t mind, but I certainly do. I think it’s irresponsible to let it happen if you know the other person has no control over it. The fact that you love each other isn’t the point. I was worried that if she let it go on then eventually it may have escalated into something not so fun and so figured best to stop it as soon as it begins. I’ve read stories of people doing all sorts of terrible things in their sleep, from rape to murder. I’d rather not become one of them. I’m sure there’s no proof that letting it happen leads to escalation, but there’s no proof that it doesn’t. I’m not prepared to risk that happening. Now that we know that the trigger is lack of sleep I do my best not to get too tired (I work from home often in order that I may sleep in 2 hours longer than I would if I were travelling in to the office) and on the occasions that I am extremely tired my wife and I agree that if I do try and initiate sex during the night that she must not play along with it. The way I see it is that if one party is not aware, then the only person getting any potential pleasure from the situation is the person who is awake. It feels too much like all of the people who are commenting how great it is are taking advantage of what could turn out to be a very serious situation and are not thinking of the potential consequences. It’s just as morally questionable as getting your partner drunk to the point where they don’t remember their actions and having sex with them. Although when asleep you are the one initiating it, if that initiation is not a conscious decision then how can it be legally consensual? People have been spared jail because of their unconscious actions, meaning that although they did something, they wouldn’t have done it/consented to doing it if conscious, as demonstrated by the people on here stating that their partners denied them sex during the day due to being too exhausted, but then initiated a sexual encounter during their sleep. Consciously they did not want sex, but their conscious partners were willing to “forget” this and have sex with them while they were not conscious or in control of their actions. In that scenario the concious person has taken advantage because the other person won’t remember. Plus they didn’t want to have sex in the first place. You can do what you want in your own relationships within the boundaries of what you deem morally acceptable, I just figured I’d share my views on the subject.
Luke(Quote)
June 4th, 2011 at 8:58 am
I to suffer from this, can anyone advise if there is a cure or what steps I can take to help ease it? Thanks
RICH(Quote)
June 7th, 2011 at 10:44 am
Happens to me all the time…3-7xper week…I think I just have a very high sex drive and an xtreme attraction to my wife… She kinda likes knowing that even while I’m sleeping I desire her..sometimes she is annoyed but not often… I don’t normally come to until the point of orgasm.. And it’s normally extremely intense and gratifying
Ryan(Quote)
June 7th, 2011 at 11:02 am
My husband has this condition. I’m glad to know there is a name for this condition. We’ve been together for 11 years. I remember in the first couple of years in the mornings I’d find his underwear in the sheets. I thought maybe he was masturbating and fell asleep and for whatever reason was embarassed to tell me. We have a great sex life and are very open about everything. One day I asked him and he didn’t know how his underwear came off. He would say “I probably got hot and took them off.” I found it weird cause he always told me that he liked to sleep with underwear on because when he rolls around in his sleep it keeps everything down there ‘together’ and is more comfortable. lol. I asked him on other occasions and most times he truly didn’t know. He also would initiate sex in the middle of the night (2 or 3am) but often it never went anywhere. For example he’d start fondling my breasts while I was asleep and start kissing me very passionately in a way that was not like his usual self. I thought it was exciting. But also really funny when as quickly as it started he’d stopped abruptly and be in a deep sleep snoring away!! I’d be like what happened? Hello? Are you still awake? Honey? Then the next morning I’d tease him about the hot-cold advances and he had absolutely no recollection of it whatsoever. We laughed and laughed about it. The truly amazing thing about it is that when it happens his eyes are open! Yes! I know, it sounds absurd, but his eyes are open. I can honestly say we’ve had sex while he is completely asleep but with his eyes open! It doesn’t happen as often as it used to but every once in a while the ‘other guy’ shows up in our bedroom. I’ve gotten used to it and I now know the difference. When it happens, he doesn’t speak or answer questions and there is a certain forcefullness (I would not call it violent or agressive) that differentiates the awake sexual version of my husband vs. the sleep sex version. I’ve read the other posts and I guess I’m lucky because I don’t feel violated. My husband feels embarassed and apologetic when I tell him about it (especially if I was awakened and left wanting more) and we think it’s hilarious!
Carolyn(Quote)
June 21st, 2011 at 5:04 am
Hi I am a journalist writing for the nationals and would love to speak to someone about their problems with sexomnia to produce a feature for a women’s weekly magazine o rnewspaper raising awareness about this and hopefully making people realise what a serious condition this is. If you want to be involved in the feature please email me kw5694 (at) live.com, you will be paid for you time and trouble too.
Thanks
Kate
kate(Quote)
June 28th, 2011 at 1:51 pm
I was told by my fiance that I had done sex acts to him while I was sleeping. I woke up and I do not remember anything at all. It is the first time this has ever happend (that I know of). It is kinda scary to know that this could happen and not remember a single thing. I am usually not a hard sleeper and wake up easy, so its hard to know that I could have engaged in this type of activity unknowingly.
Ashley(Quote)
June 30th, 2011 at 1:34 pm
I have this condition. I can start trying to initiate sex with my girlfriend while asleep, then I come round. Sometimes its welcomed, sometimes its not. It has caused problems between us as it is disturbing her sleep. I wish I could stop but don’t know what to do. It happens about twice a fortnight.
Cameron(Quote)
July 4th, 2011 at 8:30 pm
I have problem of sexomnia from past 5 years, but never had involved in extreme conditions. Yesterday i forcefully had sex with my wife. I don’t remember how i initiated, but in between in realised what i was doing and so left in between. Is there any way to stop me. I repeat this activity randomly
Vinod(Quote)
July 19th, 2011 at 5:13 pm
So, when I got with my boyfriend he told me he had a sleep talking problem and that very rarely he had sleep walked (only two known episodes) … I found his sleep talking highly amusing and I find it’s my duty to relate his sleep talking back to him. Today though before he knocked out he said I’m really tired… so I immediately knew a sleep talking episode would occur however he had escalated to groping me. I asked later on if he had been drinking last night he stated no. So now I know that he’ll need restortive sleep however he’s nocturnal. Not by choice, that’s just how he functions. He’s been like that since he was a child. How can he get good sleep if he doesn’t sleep at night? He knocks out around 645 am and wakes up around 4pm. Are there other night owl sexmnics out there? Any ideas on sleeping? I love him dearly I just want to help.
zoe(Quote)
July 29th, 2011 at 10:47 am
Hi all,
My current boyfriend of 5 months claims that I’m groping and fondling him (sticking my hand in his pants, grabbing his d***) and making him grope and fondle my boobs and butt. HOWEVER, he says whenever he responds and tries to continue the act, I get mad and turn over OR if he doesn’t respond I get mad. Could I have sexomnia? I do have issues sleep talking and not remembering the conversations the night before as well as tossing and turning at night.
My boyfriend and I discussed this and he doesn’t think I have it but… why would I do what I do? he thinks its a subconscious action and no other boyfriend has mentioned these nightly sexual acts to me. Lately my libido has been low and that’s been an issue with my current boyfriend but I’m on birthcontrol and anti-depressants, both which are said to cause low libido. Could this be causing a subconscious action?
I’m so confused. I’m so frustrated. Someone please help me and give me advice!!!! I’ll gladly accept emails! Mor.of.Russo [at] gmail.com
MonBon(Quote)
August 3rd, 2011 at 3:38 pm
hello.
I’ve been going out with my bf for 2 and a half years and we’ve been living together for one year. I noticed when we moved in together that he could get a bit gropey in his sleep but i usually ignored it. I had never heard of sexsomnia so it didn’t dawn on me that something was wrong, i just thought he was dreaming or something.
The first time his condition became really apparent was when he started groping me one night and i woke up. We ended up having sex and i went back to sleep. the next morning I told him to stop waking me up at all hours in the morning for sex and he just gave me a blank look. He had no recolection of ever groping me any night of having sex with me that night.
Since then he will start groping me, kissing me and other things in his sleep and now every morning he has to ask me if he’s done anything.
He loves me very much and i love him too, and the condition doesnt really bother me, but he’s making it very hard to sleep at night. I’ve gotten into the habit of curling into a ball at night whilst protecting the main areas that need to be protected. I love him but i think he needs help, but hes too embarrassed to see a dr. any advice?
shannon(Quote)
August 8th, 2011 at 3:41 pm
OH my Goodness, i have had this for years, just did not know there was a name for it. I would like to know where and how i can get treatment for it. I have been taken advantage of because of this. Men do not understand or do not care that this is rape, unconcious sex is rape. Please sent me info on where i can get help. Thanks in advance. Annie
Annie Mo(Quote)
August 11th, 2011 at 4:54 pm
I hate it, its going to get me killed!!!!!
Cls(Quote)
August 12th, 2011 at 11:28 pm
Hi all,
I think i have this problem as well, as i have jst been informed by girlfriend. We have been together for around 11 – 12 months now and she has told me about 2 or 3 times that i have been trying it on with her and she has to push me away for me to stop. I am getting very concerned about this now; i have never felt so bad in my life
. I am scared of losing her due to this condition; i don’t even remember doing anything in the middle of the night at all!
I have sometimes woken up to wet patches in my boxers and i don’t even remember having a dirty dream or anything! I have just started doing some research this morning and there are quite a lot of people who are having the same issue.
I have read that lack of sleep can cause this to occur but is this true? I am currently working at 6am till 1:30pm and don’t sleep till around 11pm or after midnight and then getting up at 5:15am the next day!
If anyone has any information at all regarding this or anyway of helping that would be great! I don’t want to lose what i have with my girlfriend!
Mike(Quote)
August 20th, 2011 at 3:39 pm
I am suffering from this stupid disorder. Please talk to me someone who knows well.
Sayaka(Quote)
August 22nd, 2011 at 1:05 pm
Hi All I’ve had this condition for many years we knew nothing about it & i didn’t go to my doctor at the time mainly out of embarrassment, it was only after seeing a program on t.v that all the our questions was answered I.E i had sexomnia. So my wife & i went to the doctors & well was gobsmacked as to the little or no help there is out there, especially as it it took alot of bottle to talk about it with no help on hand. That program made me feel i wasn’t alone & more to the point help is out there just go & ask, how wrong i was. I love my wife dearly & would do nothing to harm her but i really want this to stop. Anyone with any route they have gone down would be great. thank you
wayne(Quote)
August 26th, 2011 at 6:51 am
I have sexomnia and have known for a while. I just didn’t know it was actually something until a couple year ago. I usually initiate sex and I wake up about half way through foreplay. Last night it happened again. The biggest problem w
Stephanie(Quote)
August 29th, 2011 at 6:29 am
Hey guys, my boyfriend is also a sufferer. I found this out only months ago after just assuming my boyfriend was awake and I was just irresistible for months before! Haha.
I only found out when half way through he woke up and looked very confused and apologised profusely. It was funny at the time, we had a good giggle. I would just like to thank you guys for sharing your triggers as this has made a lot of sense.
My boyfriend usually tries it when he’s tired or drunk and I just tell him I’m tired or roll over and he goes back to sleep. But I always worry about him because of how tired it makes him a lot of the time. Poor guy!
Also, the only reason it’s become a problem is that due to migraines and high blood pressure I’ve had to stop taking contraception and I can’t use other methods as I bleed until I’m anaemic. Last month I was on muscle relaxants which made me sleep like a log…which means I didn’t wake up until he’d already finished. Sinc I was so drowsy I fell straight back to sleep and forgot about until yesterday! That was two weeks ago and the pregnancy test is in another two weeks…
So I was just wondering if there is any precaution that I can take to make it harder for him (no pun intended) to erm…initiate sex with me? Like, do any of the sufferers here manage to take their clothes off easily in the night? Or should I wear a chastity belt? xD
If anyone has any tips, my email addy is nicola1986@live.co.uk
:)
X
Nicola B(Quote)
September 4th, 2011 at 8:47 pm
Ok I have a question, is it called sexomnia if you are also taking in your sleep, but talking about another person other then your husband. This started about a month ago. I do not remember a thing I am doing while I am alseep. He tells me I’m talking about someone else not him. It was someone I knew about 14 years ago and have just recently connected back up with.
Gail(Quote)
September 9th, 2011 at 10:16 pm
I have had this condition since i was a teenager at least, I’m 24 now. I had issues sleep walking as a child and sleep talking since at least I was a teenager which is when I assume this started. I used to have female friends occasionally mention I would grope them when we had sleepovers, luckily most of my friends believed me when I informed them that I wasn’t aware of it. My first live in boyfriend never really mentioned it for a long while but I got hints due to him talking about how great the sex we had had the night before was and such. My husband now helped me realize what was going on mostly because he is sick and is not always able to do things. I get very forceful when I have sleep sex and this bothers him at times. It scares me that this happens. Some nights aren’t as bad, I may fondle him or just masturbate. But its when I get more forceful that I worry about it. I have been with him for 5 years now and in that time it hasn’t gotten any better and tho he tries to understand he doesn’t always. I think he feels almost violated due to it at times. I’m lucky that it only seems to happen with someone in bed with me, but to me it’s scary that this can happen. I want treatment for it not necessarily for my current relationship but for the future. What happens if his illness gets the better of him and I begin dating again. I can’t fall asleep in the same house as someone that could take advantage of me in any way and they may not even realize that they are doing that.
I’ve heard stories of people attempting to get doctors help and they can’t get them to even acknowledge its existence. Is it something a general practitioner can diagnose or is a neurologist/sleep study required for diagnoses before they will try to treat you. I have no insurance so getting any sort of help is expensive and I feel like going when they won’t do anything is pointless.
Kt(Quote)
September 15th, 2011 at 12:44 am
sigh, the ignorance of some people is always so surprising. i, like many of the people on this page “suffer” sleep sex. you would be surprised how many times i have passed out at a friends house to tell me i was humping the couch or masturbating in my sleep. i have also awakened during sex that i guess i had instigated a few times. i too, have found a girl that really enjoys it so it’s not like a real problem for me. the only thing is that you have to watch out for sleeping in a bed with someone you don’t know that well, or haven’t told them about your situation. like i said i have a middle form and i am never violent in my sleep sex, but from what i have found some people can be.
i wish everyone the best of luck on this page and thanks for being a part of this support group!
to the people that don’t believe, would you blame a person for talking, walking or doing anything else in their sleep? try waking up to your friends telling you ” you were getting pretty cock silly on the couch last night” and see if you don’t believe it then
of course their will be people trying to ride the coatails of a legit condition trying to pin their obvious rape case on sleep sex, which is bullshit.
James(Quote)
September 15th, 2011 at 4:31 pm
for the last few years my gf has always told me the morning after that in the middle of the night she would awake to me grabbing her private parts, talking dirty and sometimes playing with myself, i always told her i had no recolection of this and i always felt embearssed about this the next day.
I looked it up on goodle and i seen the word (sexomnia) and BANG there it was ME i was sooo relieved to see i wasnt the only person suffering with this.
i have no idea what to do, iv tried to recall what i have been at the night before all this and what i can really recall is…………
yes most nights it happened iv been drinking, altho allot of the time i havent,,,,,,a few times its happened with me waking up during it and just going with it and other times iv had no recolection of it
i dont really wanna go to my doctor because he knows me well because he lives in my area an i run past his house every evening like??
fergie(Quote)
September 17th, 2011 at 7:41 am
I went to see my doctor about this in Feb. They were very good and completely understood. I felt a bit apprehensive before going in, but it was fine and I’m glad I could talk to someone about it. They referred me to a neurologist but I’m still waiting for my appointment. They keep cancelling, I guess they don’t think it’s an issue. I went back to the doctors who couldn’t believe I’d been treated so badly, he re-referred me, but haven’t heard anything since. Maybe I will have to pay for private care or maybe hypnotherapy? But i’m still missing work because I dont get enough sleep!
Dave(Quote)
October 6th, 2011 at 5:31 pm
I suffer from sexomnia and I am female. I don’t wander into peoples bedrooms or try to attack friends sexually, but it happens all the time with my husband. I either don’t remember it at all or I will wake up when I’m climaxing (or he is). I masterbate in my sleep which usually initiates my husband to respond and we have intercourse. I’ve told him it doesn’t bother me because we are very close and it’s an understanding between us that I may not recall it the next day. I never knew it was an actual condition or disorder until recently. I just thought I was a freak. Please believe me, as a woman, this is a very real condition and I have it. It’s not just an excuse for men to be pigs!
Elizabeth(Quote)
October 6th, 2011 at 10:04 pm
i to suffer from this. i am always trying to have sex with my gf or fondle her she doesnt mind but i must admit it does scare me and i do make a strict rule not to sleep next to any1 other than my gf just to ve on the safe side.
ps so glad i found this page been really helpful guys thanks.
james(Quote)
October 19th, 2011 at 4:02 am
Hi,
My boyfriend suffers with sexomnia and I don’t mind it, what I’d really like to know is if there is any way to wake them up without potentially distressing them? We’ve only been together a month and it has happened about 3 times. He has never had sex with me, but I want to make sure if he does try that I can wake him up as contraception is a big issue. I don’t particularly want a child to be conceived while he’s asleep.
Any advice would be great. He is really embarrassed about it and doesn’t like to talk about it. I got really upset the first time it happened as I didn’t realise he was asleep. Now I know, I don’t mind I’d just like to have an idea of how I can stop him if he goes too far.
Thank you so much for setting up this website. You are clearly helping lots of people. If anyone out there has any advice I’d be so grateful.
Leena(Quote)
October 19th, 2011 at 12:44 pm
Hello,
I’m writing an article on sexsomnia for a UK newspaper and would love to hear from anyone who suffers from it – or has a partner who suffers from it, ideally here in the UK. Please contact me at lauren.libbert@mac.com as soon as possible.
Thanks very much.
Lauren(Quote)
October 20th, 2011 at 3:24 am
Hello,
I’m writing an article for a leading UK women’s magazine about couples in longterm relationships, where the man suffers from sexsomnia. This will be an intelligent, sensitively handled interview aiming to provide an insight into what life is like living with sexsomnia, how it impacts upon the relationship and how this couple have overcome the difficulties it presents?
I’d love to hear from you if you or your partner suffers from sexsomnia, and all conversations can be strictly confidential. My email is sarahhar@gmail.com
Many thanks,
Sarah
Sarah(Quote)
October 20th, 2011 at 7:53 am
My poor husband! We are 30ish and have 2 small children so a good night’s sleep is rare. I’ve always gotten up with the kids mostly on my own so I’m slightly resentful when my husband complains that he’s tired because he didn’t sleep well. I’m the first up and last to bed many times so I feel like he is dismissing my exhaustion. He envys that I fall asleep easily. That said we have a very stable loving relationship but very little opportunity for physical expressions. Since we started our family I do my best not to reject him and he respects that sex is no longer the only thing that regularly deprives me of sleep. Not that I ever minded before and to this day he makes it worthwhile. So these past few years my sleep is occasionally interrupted by him coming on to me and I pretend to stay asleep until he appears to pass back out. Anticipating his disappointment I wake up feeling guilty and insecure. Irrationally, I don’t want him giving up and going elsewhere. Then when I apologize for my rejection he simply has no recollection. I feel like I’ve been awarded a “Get out of jail free” card and we have a dismissive laugh. I’ve even wondered if I dreamed it but have never been convinced that his extra-uninhibited advances aren’t real. Now that I’ve explored this page I believe this is a very real thing. As dangerous as epilepsy or narcolepsy but unfortunately not taken seriously. Sex is just another activity like walking or talking but people aren’t as willing to accept sexomnia. We’re not asking people to believe in vampires here! I just feel bad because now I know this is a sign that despite appearances my husband truly doesn’t get restful sleep and I’ve not been listening to him because of my obvious sleep deprivation. I need to be more open to the idea that he may honestly have a sleep disorder and this is just evidence of his disrupted slumbering. Best of luck to the rest of you.
RestlessHouse(Quote)
November 8th, 2011 at 4:10 pm
Wow! So glad for this site. I’ve had this forever… previously I always thought that it was my girlfrind that initiated things. I would wake up in the middle, or sometimes at the beginning… and she (my ex) never complained.
I’m in a a relationship now and its happened a handful of times… and she made me very aware of what was going on, and what I was doing. We never started it, I guess I would just initiate it. I would have never been aware of this if she didn’t tell me…. and I feel so uncomfortable. She told me its like having someone try to force themself on you…. and I feel awkward and horrible about it. I thought that I was possessed… she’s waken me out of the sex induced stupor and when I would come to I was just disoriented, like, “How’d I get on top of her.” It is the most embarassing thing in the world… not so much because of what it is… but because its akward for her. She doesn’t understand how I feel… and that it isn’t something that I have any control over. So what do I do?
Acoma(Quote)
November 8th, 2011 at 8:17 pm
I think I might have this. It started with my boyfriend saying I got on him and had sex with him when I asked why I had woken up naked. He later confessed that he had stripped me and told me to suck him and spread my legs and I did what he said so he did me. Now he says after weeks of telling me what to do in my sleep I just fully engage and go with it. But he still always initiates it. He says I talk to him also. I have no recollection of any of this though.
Confusedblonde(Quote)
November 11th, 2011 at 3:33 pm
hi
my wife and i got married two weeks ago and she has been saying for some time that i masturbate in my sleep. however i didnt believe her until today,when i woke to find the evidence. we have talked about this at some length today and have subsequently found this site. our opinion is that as long as both partners are understanding of the condition then there is no real harm in it. whether it happens under stress or when your tired makes no difference as long as your both understand it. And love each other….
dark mark(Quote)
November 18th, 2011 at 8:31 am
Yea, my wife told me I had this about a year ago. And I did not believe her for a while, then I actually remembered a very faint part of it but I thought I was dreaming. So we have noticed it comes on when I am stressed ad working on little sleep.
good(Quote)
November 20th, 2011 at 4:27 pm
Last night I almost raped my girlfriend in my sleep , we both fell asleep together and she woke up with me naked masterbating with one hand and trying to put my hand down her jeans with the other. My girlfriend has been raped before and since when she asked me to stop I never done anything I really scared her and now she wont trust me to be near her , I brought back all her repressed memories of the times she was raped and I feel like I can’t forgive myself even thought i couldn’t help it. I went to sleep horny and I have the feeling If I’d have released that hornyness, by asking her to give me a handjob etc none of this would have happened. Is there anything I can do to bring back the trust in our relationship or is it too late?
Neb(Quote)
November 22nd, 2011 at 3:44 pm
Hello,i am a 24 year old male with this condition.although I would like to mention firstly that in the medical profession it is not reffered to as “sexomnia”.it is actually a form of parasomnia which has just been dubbed sexomnia by the papers,magazines etc.it has had a rather large effect on life ,considering im doing this un-knowingly while im asleep.for me,iv always talked in my sleep,but in the past couple of years it has progressed to much worse activities…..this includes -kissing,saying nice things to my girlfriend,humping her leg,fondling her and myself,penertrative sex……then there is the darker side to it,which I seeked help for and still am now as it realy bothers me…i can be forceful,i have held her down to have sex with her,i have attempted to strangle her,i shout and swear…for these reasons I no longer have my daughter over night at weekend as I dont know what ill do.it scares me..for those small minded idiots that think this,isnt a real disorder,i think you should read some things about parasomnia.its actually quite scarey what people can do while theyre asleep.im always looking for someone to talk,to about it,as nobody understands how it actually is for a sufferer.all NICE comments welcome and wanted.if you are looking for help with problems similar to this then just ask,and,i can help….sorry about all the extra commas and bad punctuation.im on my phone.
Richard(Quote)
November 28th, 2011 at 8:07 am
i have this. i wake up alot of the time with my hand in my fellas boxers!! sometimes he moves me away, fair enough!! but sometimes he will wake up too and then we get into it. but once, we both woke up at the same time, and i was on top of him riding him!! ans another time, i have woke up and he has been masturbating himself and when i mentioned it the next day he swore he had no memory of it!! its weird how the human body works when your sleeping. but we dont complain to each other, quite like it!!
sam(Quote)
November 28th, 2011 at 10:38 am
I ve been going thru this for a while now. I am a 22 yr. Old male. When it first started I thought was experiencing a wet dream but it kept happening.I often wake up right after I ejaculate in my sleep usually dreaming im with someone. I currently have a girlfriend and I have woken up in the middle of the night trying to initiate sex with her but she went for it. sho she stil dont know about it. At first i was embarassed by this but seeing other peoples girlfriends and wives say they are ok with this gives me the courage to tell my girlfriend today….wish me luck
Troy(Quote)
December 2nd, 2011 at 1:19 am
I have had this form of parasomnia for years. It has a big negative impact on my marriage, as I haress my wife every night, and have been forcing her down and been acting like a different person. We have just recently found out that this is an actual medical condition and I hope we can get this thing under control, that she can sleep her nights in peace.
Paul(Quote)
December 6th, 2011 at 4:14 pm
Response to K, trust me he’ll be delighted !
Kacper(Quote)
December 7th, 2011 at 2:22 pm
I have been told by my bf of 8yrs that I masterbate in my sleep although I have only done it for the past 3yrs (so he tells me) and it is increasingly getting worse. I can do it more than once every night, according to my bf, he has also said that I talk dirty and say another man’s name whilst doing this, (I have no feelings for this man that I mention in my sleep).
I have no dirty dreams that I remember and do not remember anything even after being woken up by him straight after an “episode”. This is obviously causing stress between us because his a light sleeper so we are both being sleep deprived and he feels upset by the sleep talk and actions and feels he is not satisfying me sexually, as I do it even after sex with him.
I have been to the GP and tried 3 different drugs, none of which did very much to stop the actions, (although this was over 2yrs ago now) I have also been referred to clinics.
The first I was told by the doctor that her speciality was not appropriate for this problem. The second clinic, the GP thought it might be conected to sleep apnea as my bf also mentioned I stop breathing in my sleep too.
The sleep study test showed that I have the normal amount of sleep apnea and after a couple of very uncomfortable nasal probes was told I had a regrowth of adenoids and was put to sleep for further investigations incase this was the cause which also amounted to nothing so I was then referred to a snoring speacialist (which has nothing to do with the main sleep sex problem), as you can see I have asked for help and had no luck over the past 3 yrs in finding a reason/trigger or cure.
If anyone has tried anything that they think has remotely helped them please help me. I have also tried not smoking, sleeping in seperate rooms, not drinking, having lots of sex before going to sleep, having no sex for a few weeks, different bedtime clothing, I also work shift patterns so I’ve tried going to bed at different times.
The only option I can see thats left is councilling or hypnotherapy, has anyone tried this.
Jess(Quote)
December 8th, 2011 at 3:40 pm
Last night I told my fiancee what he was doing. He thought I was joking and suggested I look it up online. Now I am scared. Not for myself but for my daughter. He previously told me that he use to sleep walk as a child, I haven’t seen that yet but am not willing to take a chance that his sexsomnia will progress to walking to her room. I haven’t seen any post on here to address this disorder with couples with children. We are to be married in April, I Love him but I love her more
Terri(Quote)
December 13th, 2011 at 9:15 am
I am also looking for answers. I wasn’t aware that such a condition exists. Two mornings it has happened where I awake and go to use the bathroom and realize that am seeing signs that I had sex and I have no memory of it. So I asked my spouse and he said yes we had sex but I explained to him that I seriously have no memory and that it was not a joke. Am concerned and scared of the possible implications of this. I mean its fine that my spouse is the one it happened with but that means someone can have sex with me and I dont know.I dont sleep talk or walk like the others I have read about so far so why am I having this.Someone please give me some incites.
Sharon(Quote)
December 26th, 2011 at 2:19 pm
Over the weekend I got drunk with friends. The next day I hear that I forced myself on him. He now thinks I’m gay. I’m so ashamed. I think I can recall kissing him passionately & touching him but can’t recall initiating nor the ending of the ‘episode’.
A few years ago it happened the same way, It was such a shameu we agreed never to mention it.
I’ve noticed it happens in my deepest sleep with people I’m comfortable sharing a bed with (meaning when my ‘guard’ is down. When I’ve blacked out due to drinking with a worn out body.
When I sleep with women (friends) I’m so cautious and thank god it has not happened.
Fax(Quote)
January 1st, 2012 at 10:43 am
I’m thinking my husband has this problem. A few months ago he started out by grabbing my ass while he is sleeping and a couple of times he’s played with my breast. With all of this I happen to be a very light sleeper and I can always tell when he is on my side of the bed.
It has been getting worse with him. He falls asleep like right away, horny all the time-before sleep and extremely explicit dreams when he is asleep. He also moves his arms and legs like crazy and hits me and last night i watched what he does, it looks like he wants to masterbate but his hand is on my side of the bed and above the blankets. My husband complains about not getting any sex, but he doesn’t understand that I have had alot of health probleam this past year (4 surgeries) and a death of a parent. My depression has gotten worse and with all of this I just don’t even want to sleep with him on the weekends any more. My husband works graveyard shift 4 days a week and so it gets worse on the weekends and I get less sleep because of it. We have fights all the time because of this. He already suffers from sleep apnea and LOVES to drink tons of caffine prior to bed. I know that his cpap machine goes off at least 1-3 times a night with the chirping, letting us know that he’s stopped breathing.
Please someone help me out I just happened to know about sexomnia because of a tv show I just watched on wednesday night on discovery fit and health channel.
Tina(Quote)
January 2nd, 2012 at 12:33 am
ok, this has gone on for over fifteen years. Apparently, every other night I am having sex with my wife in the middle of the night. I say apparently as I have no memory of it happening. It has been major problem in my marriage. It was always coming up, “and you can stop having sex in the middle of the night”. I had no idea what my wife was talking about, I thought she was crazy. Ok, so searches on the internet show it is real.
I am really angry about people who think this is a joke. It is no joke. also, the person has no memory of the event, so if you think this is a great thing, you better join a thinking club and rethink this symptom.
I am trying to find more information as I understand that this symptom result in more serious disorders. Little information available, since it is only recently being researched. Apparently, 80 percent of suffers eventually develop Parkinson disease or dementia.
Looking for more information
Paul(Quote)
January 11th, 2012 at 3:57 pm
This happens to me – sumtimes I wank in my sleep, other times I wake up with my cock fully penertrating my partner, it can be very embarasing
Nathan(Quote)
January 13th, 2012 at 9:55 am
I’ve read most testimonials here but I don’t think there’s one where both partners experienced this behavior. So I might be the first one to post it. Both me and my wife sleep talk. She sleep walks sometimes. I have very erotic dreams every now and then. My wife tells me that some nights I have kissed and hugged her, which I don’t remember. Other nights she might be the one doing that. Well last night we both had sex while sleeping. It was initiated by her and I went along with it. It was real intense. I had an orgasm so I think that’s what woke me up. I was trying to figure out what just had happened when she asks me “did we just have sex?” and that’s when I realized we were both asleep while doing it. She asked if I had come, if she was moaning aloud, and more questions. I don’t remember all the details of how it went down except for we started grinding. She reached into my shorts, which have velcro in front, she pulled my penis throught that velcro opening and inserted into her. When we went at it the velcro was scratching my genitals and penus but I just kept going at it real hard. That’s how I know that I was asleep because awake I would have taken my sorts off and not allowed that discomfort. Any how, this is our first experience of sexsomnia. She was rather embarrased and confused. For me it was like something exiting but it also concerns me as I think I have experienced this before where I woke up touching or grinding up against other previous relationships. I could not sleep afterwards and now I’m having a crappy day at work since I only got two hours of sleep. =(
A.J.(Quote)
January 14th, 2012 at 2:48 am
my story is even more meesed up. I’m a straight male (not even remotely interested in other men) and there was one occasion where I had to sleep in the same room with another male. next day we woke up, I sensed he was acting weird and all, I didnt think much, then he told me I tried to get into his bed and attempted to have sex with him, and he had to punch me off. this is so screwed. I have absolutely no recollection of it, but I believe he is telling the truth because I have done the same to my girlfriend many times. i have no idea how I came to the conclusion that having sex with my buddy was a good idea. I dont even like men one bit!
jon(Quote)
January 14th, 2012 at 11:16 am
I didn’t realize until last night when I came across this site that sexsomnia is an actual condition.
I love my boyfriend through anything and will stick with him no matter what comes around.
My boyfriend has sexsomnia, and has had it the entire time that we’ve been together, 3 years. At first he would just grope me and put his hand in my underwear in his sleep, but then it turned into humping, kissing, and actual sex. He usually wakes up right after he enters me, so it’s never a whole sex session with him completely asleep. It doesn’t happen every night, but does occur once in a while. He talks in his sleep too, so I’m surprised I’ve even been able to get sleep with him next to me at night, haha.
I don’t even mind that he has this condition, and I certainly don’t feel like a ‘sufferer’ or ‘victim’ of his condition. I just wish he was awake the whole time!
Jennie(Quote)
January 14th, 2012 at 11:11 pm
My boyfriend has sexsomnia , trust me I know it for a fact. But is it normal to have this at the age 16 ?
Nicole(Quote)
January 19th, 2012 at 8:24 am
I have suffered from this for a while…at first I was in denial about it….now i know its true…while friends ans roommates think its a great thing, it scary! Im not exactly sure what to do about it. I feel that it is damamging relationships and im worried that it could have an effect on my health. I have found myself sleeping with random partners….now i wonder who hasnt told me about this that i havent known about….granted, i have had tests and im totally fine, but if this continues…i dont know what will come of it….im officially worried!!!!!
Ash(Quote)
January 21st, 2012 at 6:41 pm
I have suffered from this disorder for alot of years now and my wife is just about to devorce me because of it . My cases sounds very rare as i have not read about anyone being extremely violent , but thats what happens to me , there is no patern to it it just happens here and there. my wife has tried kicking me square in the growing and it has no affect im so lost , i love my wife with all my heart but i dont want her to have to deal with this any longer , any help to solve this would be great .
jon(Quote)
January 24th, 2012 at 2:36 am
Recently I’ve started feeling my missus up at night. Occasionally I’ll wake up as we’re kissing then we’ll both go ahead and have sex, but usually it culminates in me waking her up by feeling between her legs, then when she’s getting aroused I fall back into deep sleep. Weird. Two days ago, I simply pulled the covers off her, kissed her bum cheek, then was lay back down. I don’t remember any of it, other than when I wake up during the activity.
This only started a few months ago, I’m 27 now. Luckily, it only annoys her when I fall back asleep cos she was woke for nothing. When I wake and we carry on she enjoys and doesn’t complain about the tiredness.
dave(Quote)
January 26th, 2012 at 6:28 am
Nichole, I have done it since I was a teenager as well. I don’t actually know exactly when it started, but at 15 I molested my best friend during a sleepover so I know it can happen so young.
Kt(Quote)
January 27th, 2012 at 7:36 pm
Fairly sure i have this, I found out that its a regular coinsurance between myself and my girlfriend. Its a vary big annoyance to her, and i feel really bad for doing it.. i’m not sure how to stop though, because she rolls me over or asks me to stop and i still do it. (I’m a really heavy sleeper)
nick(Quote)
January 29th, 2012 at 8:24 am
Hi all
I have had this problem for some time now and I upto now its not been a huge problem as my girlfriend would tell me to stop and I would.
But now its becoming a problem as she has now started becoming upset with me about it.
Im very embarrassed about it and dont like talking about it. But I am now being forced to go to the doctors about it. Is there anything I should know before going to the doctors such as what to expect?
My partner has started talking to friends and family about which make me feel like crap. I dont like talking about it my self never mind other people. I to kl d her how this makes me feel but I guess she just needs an outside oppinion. I dont blame her as she is mainly the sufferer of this.
If it helps anyone else, I tend to do it after lack of sleep and after drinking. I have no recollection of it in the morning exept for on rare occasions when in the morning I have had a vague dream about doing it.
I need to find a way to control this im terrified that it is going to effect my relationship but I feel trapped because im so embarrased about it.
Any help is welcome
thanks
Ben
Ben p(Quote)
January 29th, 2012 at 10:49 pm
My boyfriend has this. We’ve been dating for 9 years and around our 3 year relationship he started putting his hand down my panties. I F**KING LOVE IT!!! through out the years it’s been getting worst….. not worst, more like great! Like will have full on sex or oral. He use to do it once a month. But now it’s like every other night or if I move to change the position of my sleep. He’ll turn around and start fingering. I get excited every night before bed. He’ll wake up during the middle of it and he’s not ebarass by it. He enjoys it too. We have a very active sex life but with his sexsomnia it’s even MORE active. Some nights I’ll wake up to him fucking my mouth and I’ll wake him up and it’s funny seeing him all confused and fall back to sleep. He is sometimes rough but I don’t mind it at all. But most times he’s the sweetest thing ever. He is super gentle and sweet. I say ‘this is an awesome perk’. If there was a “human achievement” like “Xbox achievement” I’d give my boyfriend the “amazing sexsomnia” award.
Happy Sleeper(Quote)
January 30th, 2012 at 12:56 pm
Is it possible that some people who have this are just straight sex addicts? So much so that their subconscious mind will do whatever it takes to ensure they’re getting sex even while asleep?
My boyfriend does this, not very frequently, but when it happens I feel violated and like it’s just a release for him and it wouldn’t matter if it were me laying there or not. He has cheated on me in the past, so this probably adds to why the sleep-sex offends me, and I fear and have reason to believe it may have been more than once.
We can have sex 3 times in a day and he will wake me up, and all I can think is “Are you serious?!…I was sleeping” and then I’ll ask him if he even knows it’s me or if he’s sleeping and he’ll respond as if he’s confused…Last time he said “Why what happened?” and I just gave him a handjob to avoid an argument and he claims he just woke up to a handjob surprise. I honestly think it’s just hyper-sexuality and stems from other issues, because but he always makes excuses why he can’t eat a better balanced diet or try to correct his imbalance. The last time it happened, he just kind of popped up like @dee described and I wasn’t sure if he was awake or not. He says “blow me” and I get upset cuz we just had sex twice that night, and gave eachother oral. He is not sweet and gentle about when we do have sleep sex, he is hard and quick and then he’s done like I’m not worth much else.
Ugh(Quote)
January 31st, 2012 at 5:18 am
@Ugh:
Please don’t blame your boyfriend. Parasomnia has nothing to do with his personality or desires. It is simply a sleep disorder.
It looks like you have a good active sexlife anyway so he would have no reason to purposefully do it. Please try to understand that he’s just as much a victim as you are.
admin(Quote)
January 31st, 2012 at 10:12 am
After reading all these posts with an open mind, I am curious to know if the partners of the sexomnia notice any other behavioral patterns in there partners like ADHD, ADD, or some other mental disorder. I had recently been diagnosed with ADHD and am taking medication for it (DEFINITELY READ: Is it you, me or Adult ADHD- saved my marriage and my life) and since then, these occurrences had diminished quite a bit. I am not sure if the 2 have any correlation, but I can tell you since taking the meds for ADHD, I have woken up with all of my cloths.
I would normally go to bed with pjs and under wear, but I would wake up next to my wife nude. I would say this happened about 3-4 times a week. It is quite embarrassing, especially since I have two kids. There had been times when my son was a baby and he’d wake up in the middle of the night for a bottle and before I could get him, I would have to get dressed- waking up nude.
I do know that, for me anyway, that the more tired I am, the more stress I have, and the more financial worries I have, the less it happens. Which makes sense after reading some of these posts. I also read that when men and women are less stressed, there bodies release more DHEA. This chemical actually increases your libido (in both men and women). Ever since I started the meds, I have been able to piece together my life, becoming less stressed, better financial sound, and can control impulses 100% better. Which is why, for the first time in 5 months of taking my meds, I woke up naked for the first time this morning- thus, why I am here reading.
My wife and I have sex maybe two times a week (with two small kids, I consider myself lucky- sad compared to hay day, but still lucky). On days that we have sex (GREAT SEX) even if I also masturbate, I would still wake up nude. There is really no concrete explanation on this and good luck asking your therapist. Selfishly enough, I think that if my wife had this, I’d be grinning ear to ear.
Whatever. Just some useless knowledge for you guys.
TooTired(Quote)
January 31st, 2012 at 11:08 am
I am so confused right now, like many others. I have been with my husband for six years. Around may of 2011, I started seeing what I thought were seizes. I soon realized it was my husband dreaming of having sex with someone all night long. Every night the same thing happens, I listen to him moan and groan. Then he begins almost grabbing at the air. He gets this huge smile on his face and does head gestures as if he was agreeing to something. All night I hear and feel the bed moving like it has a battery operated vibration system in it. I did not want to hurt him, when I learned what was happening. I told him bout two months of observations. He was down and depressed for about two days then put it in the back of his head and acted like I was seeing things. A few more months went by and it seems that hate is now growing inside of me. I cannot sleep in the same bed with my husband. We will have sex and he will go to bed and do the same routine, its like a broken record of the same dream playing for nights. I finally had to convince him I wasn’t crazy and I voice recorded with my phone a night of us sleeping, no video. I had a calm conversation and then I played about 30 seconds of it. He confessed that he had not remembered a dream in moths and this is not normal for him. Also,that a few days before I spoke to him about sleep sex, he woke up having sex to me. This was the first time this had happened in the five months I had been watching this. I knew he was sleeping that night, due to the sounds he always makes. Oddly enough, that night he slept with jeans and a belt on just to prove me wrong. He woke up naked having sex with me and knew I wasn’t crazy, but he wont get help. He deflects what is going on and I am on the edge of just going. I cannot take this. It kills to watch your husband having sex mentally with someone for seven hours everyday and you know it is not you. I am so lost and counselling is out of the question for him. He wont talk about it to me, so why would he with someone else. I need a MAN’s point of view. Do you know what is going on in your mind? Some say if they pop up at of nowhere that they were about to orgasm and woke up. If this happens the person is aware of who they are dreaming of. If there are wives that can help me too, I need some else to help me, since my husband doesn’t not seem to care how this is ruining us and our relationship. This is the 3rd night this week I have not slept at all. I have3 had eight months of this. My anniversary was spent watching my husband moaning and groaning to a bed., not his wife. Please help me.
confusedwife(Quote)
January 31st, 2012 at 5:18 pm
Paul,
I do not know if you will see this, but I know how you feel about the JOKE thing. I asked a question in yahoo answers and the people who answered were so uneducated and started joking about it. To me, this is my life and everyday I have moaning and groaning that never stops. My husband had to share a hotel room with a coworker, another manager for an away meeting. I was so scared for him. I hear the noises and can see through the light that shines in our room what he is doing, by himself. It is not funny. It is scary for the one that has it and hard for the partner that has to accept it. My hardest part with this is knowing it is not me he is thinking about. That drives me nuts. I get sex twice a week, but you go all night long. We have been trying to have a baby and at forty and pulling on your parts for 7 hours, I dont see how I am going to have kids.
It’s not a joking matter and too many people do not get that.
Everyone, thank you for you posts. Only though others writing n this posting will people, like me at the end, be able to see some light. Please write back with anything that has worked for you. My husband will not take meds, if he is overly tired it is worse and when he drinks, maybe once a month, it is worse. He never walked or talked in his sleep, so I do not understand after forty years of life this had to put our marriage on the end of breaking,
confusedwife(Quote)
January 31st, 2012 at 5:21 pm
By the way UGH, my husband is. He actually masturbates in the daytime, all the time. I never knew about it until about a year ago and it is a close thing he does. He uses it to relieve stress and learned at a young age it worked and has done it ever since, so the two can be there. He is never unfaithful and I completely trust that, she just handles stress differently.
confusedwife(Quote)
February 1st, 2012 at 4:27 am
Admin,
Can you answer this for me? My husband has this and he is in a highly stressful business position. He is on call 24/7 and until i am done with my masters, he has to continue. I know lack of sleep and stress makes sexsomnia worse. I haven’t been sleeping with my husband for nearly a month. I got to the bedroom, have him fall a sleep and then go out to the couch. The moaning is so load abnd his body movements make the bed shake when it supposed to be a motionless bed. Im lost. Lik d many others, i just need sleep. My huzband and i have been together a long time. I dont understand how this started and has increased. I worry for him, since he doesnt want to talk about it. I ha been reading anything i could put my eyes on and pulled together the definition,some stories an then a support let to let him know how much i care about him. I am really trying to understand this is a sleep disorder, not” he is thing of another woman”. He finally has admitted he has it, since he woke up while having sex with me.
How can i lower his stress level? His work is so demanding and he is miserable there, then we bogh are uncomfortable going to bed, now. He never has sleep walked, never talked in his sleep. Now 30 some odd years he has this and we are drifting apart.
I have educated us, but i am so tired. I also just want to sleep with my husband in the same bed. Has anything helped you? Do you remember anything about your dreams? He has ghe same moaning patterns every night. It is like he has the same dream over and over all night with no stopping. Anything wkuld help. Thanks.
steph(Quote)
February 3rd, 2012 at 9:09 pm
After reading almost every single comments on this website about sexsomina/parasomina sufferers and their partners, honestly I’m relieved and also very concerned at the same time.
My boyfriend suffers from this, we have been together for almost three years and it used to happen more in early stage of our relationship but even when it happens now it’s never gotten easier for me. I think it usually happens if we haven’t had sex that night (usually he would say he feels horny)/he feels extra tired before he goes to sleep. Then around 2 to 3am, I would be abruptly awaken by him jumping on top of me with his pants down, forcing his penis down on my mouth. I get very annoyed (I used to be excited when it first happened and for awhile I often went along with it but because he started to get violent as well like slapping, choking and swearing, I then stopped finding his behaviour less amusing/sexy) and tried to ignore it by pretending I’m asleep or push him away. I’ve told him about it and at first he thought that I was joking but he started to googling about it and told me it could be sleep disorder. He has no recollection of what he had done or said when it happens and apologies for what had happened. When we first found out and had talked about it, he suggested slapping him to wake him up or turning the lights on and run away from him. Didn’t help much because he was talking back to me saying that he was awake and funny thing was his eyes were open!!! It doesn’t happen like often as other people have said on this website but whenever it happens it ruins my sleep, mood and fucks up my brain trying to figure out what’s him or not him. I read up more on this topic and research suggests that he could be caused by ADHD (I think he’s either this or bipolar) or stress(he’s stressed all the time!!) and also this disorder may lead to Parkinsons or dementia. I love my boyfriend and I don’t want this to become between us affecting our relationship. I suggested seeing a doctor but at the moment he’s not taking it that seriously. I’m scared because if I imagine our future, especially in terms of having kids etc…….I don’t think I would cope if he does it while I’m pregnant or sleeping with our newborn….Every time it happens now, I’m really considering about leaving him because when it happens I feel really depressed and can’t get back to sleep thinking how long I’d be willing to put up with his behaviour at night. It affects my work, studies and certainly my sex drive. I’m thinking to have a serious discussion about it with him tonight. Not sure what to do.
Notagoodnight(Quote)
February 5th, 2012 at 9:25 pm
Always knew there had to be other people with this issue. It is embarrassing, and dangerous. I have woken up in the middle of intercourse with female friends numerous times. I am married now and my wife is not happy with the midnight molesting. I usually only wake up when she is yelling at me to stop. Most of the time I dont wake up at all. Is this a site for advice? I have always had sleeping issues(insomnia, sleep walking, knodding out while talking to people). I feel like a pervert. Is this site just for griping or is there help to be found here?
Reggie(Quote)
February 6th, 2012 at 7:52 am
Now I know what my boyfriend has. One night, we were sleep together and I awoke to find him going downtown on me. I was half asleep so I kicked him away and fell back to sleep. Some time later in our sleep, I woke up again to find my shirt up and him sucking on my breasts. I was very embarrassed because we were sleeping with others in the room.
Girlfriend of sufferer(Quote)
February 6th, 2012 at 7:59 am
My boyfriend has this. One night, we were sleeping together and I awoke to find him going downtown on me. I was half asleep so I kicked him away and fell back to sleep. Some time later in our sleep, I woke up again to find my shirt up and him sucking on my breasts. I was very embarrassed because we were sleeping with others in the room. In the morning, I confronted him about it and he denied everything, even thinking that I was joking. I was upset about it and doubted his motives because he’s very intimate with me even in public. Now I know better.
Girlfriend of sufferer(Quote)
February 7th, 2012 at 7:38 am
Just last night I remember falling asleep cuddling with my spouse. Then all of a sudden I wake up to her yelling EWW! You a are sick, disgusting person! I have no knowledge yet of what exactly I was doing but this time I do recall being in some awkward dream. I used to wake up with the girls I dated to hear them say something along the lines of “Well last night was unexpected” or with some “You really made me uncomfortable trying to have sex with me last night” this was a few years ago that I would hear things like this. Last night was the first time I can recall this happening in a very long time. Now that I have a beautiful daughter with my spouse I am so scared that this will push my wife away. I doubt she will believe in this disease our whatever it is called. I am so embarrassed.
Worried(Quote)
February 7th, 2012 at 10:03 pm
So this is to Kiara, and also anyone else who wonders if this is real;
I have read some of these, and it sounds like a majority of the ones with the sexomnia is men. I am a woman, and have this happen quite often, as my husband trys to wake me, or asks me if I remember anything I did once I am awake. He tells me I masturbate, and do the actual motions, such as the moaning, and even says he thinks I am having an orgasm. I can sometimes barely remember this, but have remembered things as the actual masturbating, or talking in my sleep. It is sometimes embarrasing, although my husband seems to think I prefer having more fun when I am asleep. I do believe this is an actual disorder, and feel sorry for anyone who has been molested , and really feel these people do need some studies done and get some help. I just wonder why this seems to happen more when I am alseep, although I think I have a “normal” active sex life with my husband too. Should I be worried? Do I need to get this checked out? Good luck to everyone else!
Becky(Quote)
February 7th, 2012 at 10:15 pm
Hello Kiara;
I sent a response of my own, and just wanted to say that this is a real sleep disorder. You may able to try and prove that your roommate made up his actions, but I can’t say since I or anyone else wasn’t there to know what all happened. I do know though, that I have actual dreams where I act out as though I am having sex with someone, and will actually masturbate in my sleep, and my husband can testify to this. I can sometimes feel as though I just had sex too, when I am just waking up. So I think most of the people on here do have this “sexomnia” disorder, just that it varies with some as to the extent, and if it involves others. Mine seems to be with myself. I hope you have been able to get this solved, or figured out.
B.M.
Becky(Quote)
February 8th, 2012 at 7:18 am
Hi there,
I’m researching a programme for BBC Radio Four about night time and intimacy. We’re hoping to explore sexomnia, If you’re a sexomniac or your partner is, I’d love to hear from you – pop me a message at joey_morris@btinternet.com and I can explain more. All messages treated with strictest confidence..thanks.
joey(Quote)
February 8th, 2012 at 9:02 am
Notagoodnight,
I love the name, because it is so true. Who really gets a goodnight of sleep with this. I noticed you and others have connected the increase in sleep sex,if you do not have sex. I really wish in a way that was true for me. There is no break in my household. It doesn’t matter if my husband and I have. Sex. He still passes out right when we finish and it starts a first snore. I went to his parents house last week and I was so scared for
confusedwife(Quote)
February 8th, 2012 at 9:05 am
Notagoodnight,
I love the name, because it is so true. Who really gets a goodnight of sleep with this. I noticed you and others have connected the increase in sleep sex,if you do not have sex. I really wish in a way that was true for me. There is no break in my household. It doesn’t matter if my husband and I have. Sex. He still passes out right when we finish and it starts a first snore. I went to his parents house last week and I was so scared for him. He was so tired he passed out in my arms on the couch. He started doing his thing and I woke him up quickly and got him in the bedroom. I still don’t think he knows how much I try to protect him. I love input, so if you need to talk to someone… I will be here.
confusedwife(Quote)
February 8th, 2012 at 9:20 am
Reggie,
If you need to see another wife’s side I will be glad to answer anything you want me too. I think everyone came here for advice. I looked at this site many times last year and never wrote. The people that are having a hard time need support. Some are lucky and they like it, but so many of us are so confused. I will check daily to see if you need a females view point.
confusedwife(Quote)
February 10th, 2012 at 10:16 am
I don’t even know where to begin. About 8 months ago my husband claims that i started masterbaiting in my sleep. We have been married for 6 years and this is the first time I have been told that. Backing up and giving a little history he has been taking oxycotin for 8 years prescribed by a pain dr. He used to cut them in half. He also drinks nothing but sweet tea and dr. peppers all day. On top of that he is on testosterone shots. They changed the formula of the oxy and now you can not cut them in half so it was at that point he said he thought he might have ADHD. Well I am convinced he does not because if he did he could not focus at work and do the type of job he does well. He went to dr knowing what med he wanted and did not tell them what all he was on they gave him vyvanse. Two weeks after taking it that is when all this began. I did a sleep study they found nothing. But because my husband swears I am doing this I am on medication. But he claims the meds dont work so now im on two and he still says my condition is worse. He has moved out of the bedroom about 7 monthes ago he gets up in the night and comes and checks on me. I am not saying I dont have this but I find it odd that it would just appear. Also he tells me that it is very disturbing to him and that I am doing this on purpose and the Dr.’s dont’t know what they are talking about. He accusses me of dreaming about someone else but im so druged up now when i go to sleep all i remember is going to bed and waking up. I did research on vyvanse and one of the side effects of it if you dont need it is hallucinations, phycosis, and paranoia. And because of Hippa laws I cant talk to his dr’s. I don’t know if I have this or not but it seems that everything the dr is doing that treats it according to my husband isnt working Help!!!!!! I feel like I am going crazy he said if I dont fix it hes leaving cause he thinks im doing this on purpose is it me or vyvanse?
Tammy(Quote)
February 12th, 2012 at 2:09 pm
I think my boyfriend has this x this is not the first time x but last night I was asleep and I woke up to find him with his hand in my pants rubbing me x I froze I did not know what to do x I was just thinking he was a complete idiot as the week b4 same thing happened and we ended up in a full blown argument about it x I argued with him saying he was being disrespectful and I felt really upset and hurt by his actions x to find him doing it again I was so upset x after a few minutes he seemed to move away very fast and as far from me as possible x I brought it up in the morning saying how he had the nerve to do this again to me x and he said he could not recall doing this but he said he did wake finding his hand down my pants x I don’t know what to believe to be honest because he has done this to me being fully aware x he did say that this gas happened with previous partners
Nicola(Quote)
February 19th, 2012 at 3:16 am
Hi, I was very interested in all your previous comments and thought yiu might be interested to know that I have sexomnia and so does my boyfriend, its very confusing! I just wondered if anyone else has expierienced this?
lucy(Quote)
February 22nd, 2012 at 3:49 pm
Why is there no support system for the partners?
I have been with my partner for 2.5 years, we’re both 29. I have a higher sex drive than he does, combined with low self esteem, this has caused arguments in the past. As I get iritable as I’m frustrated and hurt I’m being rejected.
Matters have been made worse however in the past 3 months since he has started masterbating in his sleep. It initially was once a week maybe. Now from 2/3am it’s all night. Every night.
At first he didn’t believe me, and I assumed he was aware but embarrassed. He finally believed me when I wrote it down.
I initially tried sleeping on the sofa, but found we felt more distant from eachother. I’ve tried moving back into the bed, on the basis that I would turn over and hug him which would stop him. However, it just isn’t practical being woken from my sleep 3 plus times a night and he gets frustrated being woken, he thinks Im imagining it half the time. It also makes me feel like I’m not enough for him. I want sex every day, Ideally for him twice a week. So he turns me down daily and proceeds to continue an active sex life in his sleep. Dreaming of whoever else, as he doesn’t want it with me. I’ve even tried to get involved when he’s doing it – but he wakes up and pushes me off saying he’s tired and wants to sleep. Sure enough 30 minutes later, he’s fast asleep and doing it again, me left rejected, and aroused and therefore frustrated.
So now I am back on the sofa. It’s hard as we’re an affectionate couple and I want him next to me when I wake up and when I go to sleep. Which is the lesser of two evils? Not sleeping together & the last thing on my mind at night being that he can’t control his subconscious desires which I can’t fulful? Or being woken to witnessing him satisfying himself and not allowing me to participate? I think the sofa is less detrimental to my self-esteem and more sleep is healthier.
I love him. I appreciate he has no control, and we talk openly about the matter and we try to be supportive of eachothers position. However we’re both concerned our relationship wont be strong enough.
How can this situation be improved?
advicerequired(Quote)
February 22nd, 2012 at 10:30 pm
Hi, I am 21 and my boyfriend is 22. My boyfriend has been waking me up talking extremely dirty and pressing his groin against me. I mean like super dirty, and his words are plain as day, he sounds wide awake! I am usually suddenly woken up so I am a little groggy. I used to get excited but every time he would start to mumble and start to appear a little ‘off’ so I would see if he was okay and this would lead to discovering he’s asleep. Tonight it was the same thing but this time he started climbing on top of me, I had a gut feeling and tested him and he was asleep! He didn’t remember anything and was really annoyed I had woken him up. We were both each others firsts so he’s never had this problem before with anyone. As his girlfriend what should I do and how should I be supportive of him? Is this what he has?
Concerned GF(Quote)
February 23rd, 2012 at 8:05 pm
is it genetic like say two people have it in the same house?
Elijah(Quote)
February 28th, 2012 at 9:26 am
Last night was the second time in 4 years it has happend that we know about…i dont think we do it and dont remember it,but we do wake up while we add it…we dont just stop when we relise whats happening we just carry on…we never knew this abou each other or about ourselves…but today we kinda just both said , oi last night was nice, he replied and said i think i was dreaming half way thru, so i did not feel bad saying the same..Why does it happen though? Do you dream about it and get so lived into the dream that u just do it? And why has it not happend with anyone alse. but twice in one year to us, in the four we have been together? Hes got a verry high sex drive ,,,verry high, and me, well im totally oppisite but then why does it happen to the both of us – at the same time??????????
Both blessed.(Quote)
March 3rd, 2012 at 3:04 am
i am a female and aged 41 i was sexualy abused as a child during the night, and as an adult i had no interest in sex with my then husband, but now i am in a relatonship with a great man we have a fantastic sexual relationship, i am fully satisfied sexualy by him, but wen i go to sleep i instantly start to masterbate this happens on average of abt 4 nights a week, i have no memory of this, it is causing problems for my partner. he is not sleeping properly, i have an extremely high sex drive, he dont, even when we have had a session b4 we go to sleep i still do it, PLEASE HELP, i dont want to do this but i have no control of my actions
sue(Quote)
March 6th, 2012 at 6:22 am
i am a female and i have a problem i want to stop, and i dont know how to make it stop, i am in a happy relationship with a wondefull amn. he is very understanding of the situation, I am a compulsive masterbater whilst i am sleeping, it is causing rows with my partner not that iam doing it but because it wakens him several times a night, it has got gradualy worse, i am unaware of this only he tells me, as he is extremely left feeling tired of a day time now, i dont want to do this but i am so embarased to go and c my gp, as my gp is a christian, i am a victim of childhood sexual abuse that i have learnt to live with, i am desperate to make this stop, i hate not knowing that i am not in control of my actions whilst i am sleeping, PLEASE HELP ME,
susan(Quote)
March 7th, 2012 at 12:38 pm
I glad to know im not alone. I hope what i’m about to write helps someone. of course i have suffered from the same thing. only now that i have read almost all this entire post i realized what my condition was called. i wont get into what all i did to my wife while i was asleep because as you all can see its a repeated action over and over again with numerous people all across the world. when my wife would tell me what i was doing to her even as of a couple months ago i would feel shame, because even though she wasnt trippin, i felt wrong to me. so i started paying attention to myself. My overly sexed mind started as a kindergardener, my grand father was also addicted to sex and he had numerous flicks under the bed. Of course i watched and every since the first day that i popped that flick in, not knowing what it was, my mind has be programmed for sex! Anytime, anywhere, with almost any lady! I was blessed to be a athlete and handsome like my grandfather which made my desire to have sex effordless, needless to say i have four kids with 3 different women(two with my wife). anyway, a couple months back i decided to do something i never thought i could,stop consuming sex, whether it be from porn, pictures, tv, magazines, or even stopping to look at the nice booty at the local wal mart! You would not believe how many different ways sex is thrown at a person! but anyway, i found that when i didnt allow those images to enter my spirit and did not give in to my old habbits, i found that i stop waking my wife. I actually became my loving in our sleep(the funny thing is i can actually remember being loving in my sleep, but not when im waking her for sex??????) Im not religous by a long shot but it does feel a little demonic! on a side note since i stopped all the porn my attitude is a lot better as well. i dont want to diagnose someone, but if you dont know how to handle your situation and you love your spouse try not watching porn or consuming any sex besides with that person for a couple weeks then reevaluate your situation!whew dont like typing this much. excuse the errors, hope all this helps someone!
Te Jay(Quote)
March 12th, 2012 at 5:14 am
HI my name is Sus
I dont want this to happen, i am awaiting an appointment with my GP to c if he can help me either stop it or to help me understand y this is happening, i am affraid of stopping over with friends at thier house in case i do it there, it can b rather embarasing, i never involve my partner except i believe i rub his leg during the eppisode, occationaly if i am lucky he will waken me and join me in my play time, which is nice but i just wish it didnt happen full stop, i hate not being in control of my actions,
I am a sufferer of sexomnia myself i have been for as long as i can remember i am now 41 yrs and in a very happy relationship, my parter is understanding of my situation luckily, i masterbate all night on and off every night, i moan and groan, i know nothing of my actions wen its happening often enough i keep my boyfriend awake but he enjoys just laying there listening to me, and tells me about it the following morning,
sue(Quote)
March 12th, 2012 at 12:09 pm
Right this isn’t easy to say but I on 2 occasions have had sex with my partner in my sleep. The first time I can’t remember at all but the second my partner was full on hitting me to get me to stop and when I come round I was on top of her and couldn’t remember at all what I was doing. I am currently in the royal navy and am being discharged under medical grounds because of an unknown neurological problem as I have have had fits and am unfit for duty.. My partner isn’t as tolerant with this as some that I have read and has a few times called me a rapist. I love her so much and don’t blame her for saying it but I can’t go on knowing that I do it an what she thinks of me. I have been taking epilim chronology for my undiagnosed problem which has stemmed the fits and makes me feel all around alot better. I will also add I am a very deep sleeptalker and sleeper. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Steve(Quote)
March 12th, 2012 at 12:11 pm
Sorry both times I have had been drinking the night before since the second time I haven’t drunk any more than 2 or 3 on nights out because of the worry.
Steve(Quote)
March 16th, 2012 at 2:04 pm
My wife is pregnant for a while now, so i dont get much sex but she told me more than once in the morning that i tried to have sexual intercorse the night before,i am worried i might harm her pregnancy.My question is: do you think that abstinence or lack of sex might cause these episodes? THANK YOU. Roman
livio(Quote)
March 17th, 2012 at 11:32 am
I can see this happening a lot between the sufferer and his partner…but my case seems a little different. My best friends have been dating each other for years, and they always seem into each other. Very lovey-dovey. We usually go out and what not. Sometimes we drink quite a bit. But everytime i stay over from being too drunk to drive, jason starts to have sex with ME, and not his girlfriend. Taking off my clothes and everything. This seems to only happen when he drinks. Talk about awkward. Its so hard to explain, and i dont think he believes me that its happening. I cant tell his girlfriend because she is my best friend, and i feel like she would never talk to either of us again. What can i do?
Jen(Quote)
March 20th, 2012 at 9:50 am
Hey everyone,
Okay so i have noticed that most of the people who have sexsomnia are male, well I’m a female and I think that i have this…For me I feel that it is really embarassing, and lately i have lost sleep over it because i feel ashamed of this. I dont want to sleep because i dont want this to happen. My boyfriend informed me just a few days ago of me waking him up because i was playing with myself, he said he just nudged me and i pulled my pants up and went back to sleep. i dont remember this at all and it freaks me out, i had been realzing that i have been waking up and being quite wet every now and then and extrememly horny. My boyfriend says he thought it was funny, but it makes me feel sick thinking about it.So far he says it has only happened once, and did happen the night after i had drank, and hardly had any sleep. and i also had taken some tylenal PM… could this have anything to do with it? And also another question… could sexsonmia lead to sex addiction or sex addiction lead to sexsomnia or anything like that… because i have a very very high sex drive and want it like all the time… so why would i try to be pleasuring myself at night?
even though i love my boyfriend very much, im still very embarassed about this and dont want him to bring it up again, i dont want to sleep in the same bed anymore, with anyone at all… and im scared that would start causing problems.. can anyone answer my questions? Also feel free to email me on this topic at candycane[underscore]ram[at]hotmail[dot]com
i would love to have someone to talk to about all of this…
Brooke(Quote)
March 21st, 2012 at 2:54 pm
After waiting nearly a year and a half I finally got my NHS appointment only to be told that I have a suspected REM sleep disorder. Suspected?! Anyway, I’m being sent off for tests, so will keep you all informed of any conclusions that are made. I’d be interested to hear if anyone else has been treated for this condition already?
Am I correct in thinking I am still the only one here that is semi-concious during an episode? I see my girlfriend, but don’t recognise her; it’s always some other girl that I’m ‘dreaming’ about. In the morning I’ll remember it like a dream and 75% of the time it’s me telling my girlfriend about what I was doing the night before.
Dave(Quote)
March 24th, 2012 at 3:16 pm
Hello I’m a 22 year old male, and like many 22 year old men I enjoy having lots of sex. I have been dating my current girlfriend for 3 years now, and about 30 months ago I woke up while having very aggressive sex with her. To my surprise the next morning I found out I initiated it. This kind of scared me, but I also thought it was pretty cool too at the time. Then about 2 years ago I woke up to her yelling at me about how I was being very persistent with her about having sex after she had told me no. This is when I really got freaked out because I had no knowledge of the event. This brings me to today for the last year and a half I have been having episodes almost weekly where I try to force myself onto my girlfriend while I’m asleep. I do not like this at all. She understands that I do this when I’m asleep, but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t been having negative effects on our relationship. It would really hurt me if I lost her because of sleep sexing, so I want to know what I can do to fix my problem or calm it down. I never have wet dreams, so this seemed even more strange to me. My biggest fear is that I’ll be in a position one day when I’m sleeping next to a friend or relative and have an outburst. It would ruin me. Please help I’m concerned I have a serious case.
Jake(Quote)
March 25th, 2012 at 8:02 am
brook
like urself i am female and i am the same only i do it all night every night, i have been to c my gp and he has refared me to pychiatry over this, he seems to think like myself that there is a problem deep in the back of my mind, i hate doing what i am doing, i dont remember any of this what so ever just my bf tells me, we have a giggle ablout it during r waking hrs but as time goes on i am becoming more daring i used to hide it even though i was asleep but now he tells me that i no longer hide it, i caress his leg as i am masterbating in my sleep, at 1st it scared me, but we have come to realise there is nothing we can do about it, my bf is very supportive of my situation, and i love him so much for understanding, u have no reason to b embarased, but my fear i have is if i go out on the bus (i dont drive) i have a habbit of falling asleep and my sexomnia starts within 30 seconds of me falling asleep, i am afraid that if i am out on bus alone and i fall asleep i will start to do what i would normaly do in my own bed, i cant bare the thought of someone watching me or even worse recording me on the video of thiere mobile phone, i cant and wont stay over at anyones house either, but my advise to u is to go and c ur gp, either that or just learn to live with it, u have it and to fight it often makes it worse, sexomnia is an illness, yes its an embarasingillness but if its just u that u playing with u aint hurting no-one, feel free to email me, my email address is susanfeatherstone@yahoo.co.uk
good luck
sue(Quote)
March 25th, 2012 at 9:21 pm
So much I could put about this! This ruined my marriage and family. I had always put the odd occasion of waking up to ‘doing it’ down to going to bed thinking about it. However last year I had changed my job and other stuff had made life very stressful. It then started to become a much bigger problem. I would find myself waking up trying to do things to my wife more and more. She put up with it and only confronted me on a few occasions – she always thought i was lying about not knowing what I was doing. Then one day it became to much for her. She had had bad experiences in her past with ex boyfriends and she simply saw this as me sexually abusing her. I spoke to my doctor about it and got a completely negative reaction. My wife was my world and tbh still is.. but this is a relationship and marriage killer as no professionals really acknowledge it and the partner who really suffers from it may not and probably won’t accept that their partner is asleep.
KC(Quote)
March 27th, 2012 at 3:43 pm
I’m so grateful for sites like this that give me support and let me share my experiences with other sufferers. My life was nearly destroyed by this. At the time (13 years ago) there was no support groups or web sites to learn about this. Fortunately my doctor sent me to a expert on sleep disorders. For some history, since I was in my early 20′s (I’m 47 now), I would occassionally have unexplained sleep behavior such as awakening to find myself in a different room of the house or to find my girlfriend yelling at me to stop touching her. But it was rare enough to live with and sorta ignore. However, in my 30′s, I began to sleep masterbate more frequently and agressively. I was only aware of the behavior because my wife at the time would tell me the next morning. Sometimes she would say that woke me and I stopped but I never remembered this so I can only assume I was never fully awake. We both knew it was something I couldn’t help so we tried to just deal with it. That all changed when her sisters family spent a week with us one summer. A few weeks after returning home, my wifes sister called to tell her that I had sneaked into her room and attempted to pull off her pajama pants. My wife furiously confronted me and I denied it. It was after hours of discussing the details that we came to understand that this was a sleep sex episode: I had sleep-walked into her room and attempted to pull her pants off, all while asleep! My wife initially had a difficult time convincing her sister but she eventually understood as she learned more about the history and my signs of sexual sleep behavior over the years. The sleep disorder doctor said that it’s not uncommon for these disorders to go largely unnoticed or swept under the rug until something bad happens. There’s so much still unknown about these parasomnias. Fast forward to today and things are good at home. I have not had any sleep sex episodes (that we know of) for years and medication and therapy have greatly helped (the meds help supress the sleep behavior and the therapy has helped me cope with the fear/shame). Life changes a bit. For instance, I have to inform anyone in the house of this history and for a while my wife and I slept in separate bedrooms until we were sure that the treatment worked. One thing to note is that we do think that stress and depression were “triggers” for the episodes.
Charles Hunt(Quote)
March 28th, 2012 at 7:08 pm
I really need help. My husband has informed me that I have been masturbating in my sleep. he says that awake when doing it but when he tells me I has no recollection of it at all. I dont know what to do to stop it. please help
Jasmine(Quote)
April 2nd, 2012 at 9:07 pm
Your an asshole!
My own husband would rape me in my sleep. He was sound asleep, I’d wake up to him violently fucking me. He was unconscious of what was happening. He was sleeping, you just because you don’t have it. It’s not happening to you. Doesn’t mean others are not suffering. And by the way it wasn’t him that suffered. It was me. Your a dick!!!!
Taf42(Quote)
April 9th, 2012 at 9:11 pm
Hi Terri,
I truly hope you have been able to come to terms with your fiance’s condition & that you have a beautiful wedding & share a wonderful life together.
I may be wrong but I don’t think that there is any real need for concern about your daughter. I don’t believe that a person who has no sexual desire towards children would make any sort of sexual advance on a child simply because they are asleep.
As a sufferer of sexsomnia, I think that on some level our subconscious can still differentiate between our sexual preferences.
I say this because the vast majority of cases seem to occur within relationships. Although there are cases where people have been raped or violated in some way, I believe the sexsomniac would commit these acts on a person they may normally have some level of sexual attraction to. I believe this based on all the comments that sufferers and their partners are making. Most occurrences remain within the relationship, as this where there is generally a higher level of sexual attraction.
If our subconscious could not differentiate in this way then what other explanation is there for the lack of comments from heterosexuals having episodes with a person of the same sex or vice versa, or to a greater extreme, sexsomniacs making advances on other family members such as brothers, sisters, parents or their own children?
If you have no reason to believe that your fiance may have a sexual attraction towards your daughter then you should have no reason to believe that his condition will change that.
I hope this is helpful to you.
Holly x
Holly(Quote)
April 9th, 2012 at 9:57 pm
Woah I think have this as well! . Quite often I have sex dreams and I have pleasure sensations which wake me up and I discover I’ve been masturbating in my sleep. When I am awake I can’t get any enjoyment from masturbation but if I am asleep I can bring myself to orgasm My boyfriend tells me quite often he wakes up in the morning and I have my hand down my pj shorts.
So strange.
NoCake(Quote)
April 10th, 2012 at 1:01 am
Kiara,
I’m so very sorry to hear about what you have been through.
I make no excuse for anyone who rapes a person whilst asleep. Rape is still rape whether intentional or not, awake or not. It is no different to someone with a multiple personality disorder raping someone whilst one of their multiple personalities is in control.
I have just learnt that I too suffer from this disorder, a disorder I never previously knew existed, so I can empathise with a person who has this disorder. It is scary to think that we can act out in such a way with no knowledge of what we are doing.
At the end of the day, a victim of rape should never be brushed off because of any sort of medical condition. I don’t believe that any person with this disorder would be at the point of raping someone on their first episode. Based on the above accounts from sexsomniacs and/or their partners, those that have been violent or even forceful had progressed to this point over time. Therefore, any sexsomniac who has raped a person should already be fully aware they have this condition based on previous less intense experiences.
Any person with this condition who has become violent or cannot be deterred during an episode should take ANY measure necessary to ensure this does not occur. If that means both hands being cuffed or tied to their bed each night so they can still share a bed with their partner, or a single person locking themselves in their room each night and placing the key in a place to difficult to access whilst asleep then so be it. It is simply not good enough to just say “I can’t help it” and continue to put people at risk. Each person needs to take responsibility for their actions and have a serious think about how their actions can impact the lives of others.
Unfortunately, many people are becoming more and more selfish, irresponsible and inconsiderate over time. Not just in relation to this type of situation but in life in general. This has to stop.
I urge you to report your rape to the police. Whether through imprisonment or another form of incarceration the man that did this to you deserves to be punished. He may not even genuinely have this condition, but if you report him then measures will be taken by professionals to assess the likelihood of him having sexsomnia and then the courts will be able to determine the punishment/treatment suitable.
I have only had two experiences of waking up in the middle of sex, but I have had other less intense experiences. Most recently I woke up during sex with my boyfriend of over 8 years. Until this incident I had no idea the condition existed, let alone piecing together my experiences to see that I actually suffer from sexsomnia.
My other experience of waking up in the middle of sex was when I was only 16. I fell asleep as a virgin, next to someone I had kissed that night, and woke to find him on top of me, having sex with me. For 12 years I have believed I was a victim of rape. I never pressed charges because I considered myself as being partially at fault for not trying to stop him when I woke up (I was very confused and disorientated when I woke up that I really couldn’t think what to do so I just waited for it to finish). Now after all these years I have to come to terms with the fact that any feelings I’ve had of being violated are totally unwarranted. Although I have no memory of how it started, because I was asleep, I can only assume that I had initiated the whole thing. He would have had no idea I was initiating sex in my sleep.
while.i.was.sleeping(Quote)
April 16th, 2012 at 2:37 am
My boyfriend of six years has sexomnia. I have insomnia and hypersomnia. My hypersomnia started when I started sleeping in the same bed as my boyfriend, but it completely slipped my mind that those two things were related. Well, a few weeks back he took a sleeping pill and I had the best sleep of the past four years and woke up feeling refreshed and energized while I’d normally sleep 12-16 hours or wake up at 10 and still be tired as hell for another 2 to 5 hours, I slept for 7 hours and was wide awake the moment I opened my eyes. We tested it or a while on and off, and true to it, when he’s taking something that makes him sleep harder, I sleep so good.
On the other side, I would hate for him to become dependent on these pills to make him sleep hard so I can sleep good.
Maybe we’ll have an old fashion room with two bed. -___-
MissSea(Quote)
April 16th, 2012 at 10:57 am
This was recently brought to my attention from my boyfriend. I’ve stayed with serious boyfriends before and no one has ever said anything to me. I never remember doing it, but I always wake up to my boyfriend either leaving the bedroom or coming back in. Every time he gets in bed and I turn over to curl up to him, he turns his back to me and says “you were doing it again.” He loses sleep over it and his job is draining enough as it is. He’s gotten to the point that he leaves the room for a couple of hours hoping I’ll be done by the time he gets back in bed. Every time he confronts me about it, I never know what to say. He doesn’t believe me when I tell him I don’t remember because he hears me doing soft moaning and can see my eyes fluttering (like I’m about to orgasm). Any advice on how to make me stop?
Trish(Quote)
April 18th, 2012 at 8:34 am
I have just started sleeping in the same bed as my husband after a long stint (6 years, 3 kids) in the spare bed in the nursery. His sexsomnia has got really bad since I last slept there. I was hoping it was the novelty of me returning to the bed, although we had an active sex life whilst I was absent, but it’s been weeks and he is having episodes every night. I am trying to be supportive, but honestly i’m finding it hard. I slept in the nursery as all our kids were bad sleepers – he hardly missed any sleep even when they were newborns, whilst I’ve hardly had any! I’m also worried as the kids will still come into our bed – is it possible that he could do something to them? I’m worried sick over this. My husband will be devastated if I suggest this is a possibility.I can’t find any information about this. Help! Please!
Ellie(Quote)
April 21st, 2012 at 11:59 pm
Hi, i am writing on this forum as an attempt to try and understand what is happening to me. i am a 26 year old male, i am touching myself whilst i am sleeping, i have only just become aware of this and am unsure of how long i have been doing it for.
i have stayed over hers more recently for a few nights here and there, she has told me that i was doing it again, i feel so ashamed, i have done a internet search about sleep masturbation but i really need some advice from someone who is going through something similar. I know the out personal life isn’t affecting anything as we are (active) if that makes sense, i know that when we first found out, she thought she was not giving me enough, i can’t stand the thought of hurting her in this way and its really getting me down.
I have had two relationships in the past where i was living with a partner (total of about 5 years) and nothing has ever been said about anything like this before.
I have been with my partner for about 7 months now, about two months ago i woke up at about 4am to my partner getting ready to leave my place, i was confused so i asked her what was wrong, she replied by saying that i was masturbating next to her, i was shocked when she said. i didn’t understand what was going on, i said that as far as i knew i was asleep. When i woke to realise she was leaving i was scared and panicked as i don’t want to lose her, i love this girl so much and have never felt this way about anyone so i need help. We have talked about what has happened and im really nervous about going to sleep next to her
I thought things were fine until last two nights ago, we had a really romantic evening witch obviously led to a really great intimate time together, we were cuddling for a while afterwards and i lay awake thinking and holding her hand ect: i then went to the toilet and turned off the light and cuddled up to her @ approximately 4:20 (i remember checking my phone)
I remember laying there for ages them checked my alarm on my phone, and it was nearly 4:50 i don’t remember falling asleep as i seemed to account for all the time i was there, but i must have as i think i had a dream. The next thing that i remembered was noticing my girlfriend checking her phone as i noticed the light of it, she was awake then sat strait up, i asked her if she was ok but she wasn’t i had done it again.
I know allot about psychology and dream state, that i can understand, it’s the guilt i have trouble with.
If anyone can give me some advice, it will be a great help, i don’t feel that comfortable writing this and posting it on the net, it’s taken allot to do this so please don’t post anything harsh.
Thank you.
bob(Quote)
April 22nd, 2012 at 6:19 am
Frequently happens – even when we’ve already made love for the night.
Usually 2 hours after falling asleep…
I used to think I was a sex-freak!
Lucky my partner is very understanding, and doesn’t get upset!
Its bloody annoying (for both of us) especially if we’re dead tired and have to work the next day!
mcmxc(Quote)
April 23rd, 2012 at 6:18 pm
This disorder is VERY REAL, And I have it. I have woken up in the middle of intercourse with no clue how it was initiated. I’m always told later that it was me initiating it, and sometimes forcefully. My partner is very understanding. It usually takes place after drinking. The only thing that scares me is that sometimes I will be told that I was pushed away and told no several times, and I’m still persistent, and when I wake up in the morning, I have no recollection this.
Gee(Quote)
April 26th, 2012 at 10:26 pm
My husband has been doing strange things in his sleep for the past month he started off by urinating in his sleep with no recollection and has moved to having very engaging and passionate sex with me and having no recollection, even complaining how we haven’t been intimate for a couple weeks when we have been every night. When I tell him he just denies it and tells me I am crazy. There has been no alcohol involved in any incident. I believe he may have sexsomnia. I have been researching this disorder and have found that it can be the cause of molestations of houseguests and children. We have a baby daughter and I am quite concerned about this information for the future when she is older, I’m not really sure if I should be but I would appreciate some advice on how to handle my husband and protect my daughter and any friends she may have over in the future. He is a wonderful man and I don’t believe he would ever willfully engage in sexual conduct with a child but this new information has me worried. Please help.
liz(Quote)
May 1st, 2012 at 4:15 pm
Hi there,
May I start by saying I have compassionate for the pain and suffering this disorder has caused many people on this site. I am a journalist based in the US looking to do a long form piece on television on sexomnia and hope to bring awareness to our millions of viewers. I’m looking for people who would be courageous enough to share their story. This story will be told in a compassionate thoughtful way free of sensationalism. If you’re interested please contact me at brooke.d.stangeland (at abc dot com)
Many Thanks,
Brooke
BSTAN(Quote)