Sexsomnia

What is sexsomnia?

Sexsomnia, or sleep sex, is a rare condition where a person engages in sexual activity during sleep. This can involve masturbation, or initiating sexual contact with a partner.

Sexsomnia is a sleep disorder just like sleep talking or sleep walking and sufferers will often have experienced one of these related disorders. Personally, I often sleep talk and I have been known to sleep walk on rare occasions, increasingly when under the influence of alcohol.

When does sexsomnia occur?

In my personal experience, I can initiate ‘sleep sex’ with my partner every couple of months. Although this can vary greatly between sufferers. I can go months without a single sleep sex incident, or it may happen twice in a week. It also doesn’t seem to matter whether I had already had sex that very night.

How can I stop sexsomnia?

There is no known cure for sexsomnia. Doctors may prescribe drugs which sedate the sufferer to a degree, but these often have side effects such as drowsiness. I would not recommend taking drugs for this condition unless you experience particularly strong episodes and there is no other option.

For most people, the worst effect of sleep sex is often embarassment between the sufferer and their partner. This needn’t be the case, as long as you talk it through with them and be honest with each other. There’s nothing weird about it, it’s just like sleep talking. Fortunately, my partner is very accepting and is happier about my condition than I am! Also, my occurences are relatively infrequent.

If you want to talk to someone about your Sexsomnia, feel free to email me using the Contact form.

247 Responses to “Sexsomnia”

  1. K Says:

    I think I have this.. It’s been a problem since I can remember. It’s probably partially why I’m so shy now. I’ve only done it to myself as far as I know but it makes me nervous to know that I may do it when someone else is around. I can’t sleep in the same room with anyone else, I always lock my bedroom door. I had a boyfriend that asked me to move in with him.. I only didn’t want to because of my unable to sleep around other people. Now we’re going out again.. and I don’t want him to think bad of me if I tell him about this.

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    Current score: 5
  2. Zaic Says:

    I suffered from this when I was first married. I would wake up in the middle of sex with my wife. It was happening every night for months, then it became more spiratic when I started getting less and less sleep. The more tired I was the less likely it happened. I don’t know if there is a correlation but it did in my case. Now I find myself falling back into this with anyone I sleep with now since my divorce.

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    Current score: 3
  3. fallenhearts Says:

    I have suffered from this for several years now. It usually happens when I am really tired. I am worried about seeking help as it doesn’t happen every night. I am a single mom with three kids and I go to school full time and work full time. I don’t know what to do. I am worried about sleeping with someone and getting pregnant and not remembering it. I am really worried. For years it a laughing matter between my family and I, however I had sex with someone and not there is a good chance I may be pregnant. Everyone around me is mad, and I don’t remember nothing. If I was to become pregnant how would I explain this to a child or teenager? I just realized it was an actual illness.

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  4. mike Says:

    I am known to talk actively in my sleep and to move around a lot throughout the night. Just tonight my fiance kicked me out of bed claiming that I tried to have sex with her and I don’t remember any of that. All I do remember is her grabbing me and pulling me closer to her. I cuddled up next to her and we spooned. I think she my have pulled my penis out of my pants and she wasn’t wearing any. The last thing I remember before falling back to sleep was feeling the warmth of her skin next to mine and the next thing she is shoving me away and telling me I’m sick and disgusting. I have no idea what to do. I am so scarred cause we just had a fight about our sex-life and then this. We both had a lot to drink tonight too. If anyone has any helpful advice.

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    Current score: 3
  5. Rachel Says:

    I’m not sure if i have this… but just about every single night i go to bed wearing all my clothes…Shirt, Shorts, Bra, and underwear, but each morning i wake up comleptly undresses and no idea how i got that way. There was one time that i stayed the night with my boyfriend and we had had sex that night. Afterwards I fell asleep and then when i woke up i was on top of him having sex agian. I had no memory of even getting on top of him or anything. Is this a case of Sexomnia??

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  6. doctor Says:

    @rachel
    no,that is drunkenness

    i have sexomnia too. It is very hard for me to fight with that. My girlfriend like that, but for me is too awful. I don’t remember anynthing…..

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  7. admin Says:

    @Rachel:
    I’m not sure why you would go to sleep fully address. Was alcohol involved?
    Waking up to find that you are mid-way into sex certainly seems like sexomnia, especially since you said that you were ontop of your partner.

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  8. AAH Says:

    I have problems with this… A few times I have gone to sleep with someone else in the room and, in the morning, they were talking about the sex last night, yet I had no recollection of it.
    Sometimes, the friend tries to wake me up, but it often makes me become more forceful – I have been known to bite and scratch.
    I’ve tried sleeping in seperate rooms, but it doesn’t always work – sometimes I sleepwalk to the other room.
    Because of this, I’ve never moved in with my long term boyfriend (he’s very understanding about my attempted sleeping actions with others besides him…)
    I really don’t know what to do… I’m scared I’m going to hurt someone…

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  9. Pamela Says:

    I haven’t seen anything regarding how it can affect a relationship. The spouse or partner suffers, I know that I do when I witness this act.

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  10. Cherie Says:

    My ex had this… and it was awesome… unless i was proper tired… he said nicer things to me, like i was beautiful and his erection was harder when asleep! sometimes he woke up but mostly he could never remember in the morning!

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    Current score: 1
  11. Kate Says:

    I think my boyfriend might have this. I wake up to him grinding against me in the middle of the night. His grip is a lot stonger when he’s asleep , usually I try to just roll over and pretend to be asleep, but it has been escalating. I know that he’s embarrassed about it, and also concerned that he might hurt me. I have looked everywhere on advice for, not just the sufferer, but for the partner, and can find nothing. What am I suppose to do? Try to wake him up? Get out of bed and move to the couch? I think he’s afraid that it will hurt the relationship, and I don’t really see it coming to that, because obviously I am educated enough about this subject, but I would like to get some sleep too.

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    Current score: 1
  12. alan Says:

    hi i am writing this because just last night my girlfriend said that i had my hands in her pants fooling around then when she moved me i tried again this has happened before with her and i have no memory of it happening she has been through a bad past and the last thing she needs is me doing this what can i do i am sleeping on the sofa untill i can controll this somebody please help

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  13. admin Says:

    First of all, educate your partner on Sexsomnia. Assure her that it’s just like sleepwalking, and you have no control over it.
    Alcohol and stress can increase the frequency of sleep sex occurences, so perhaps you could work on these areas.
    Ultimately though, there is no known quick cure, so education is our best option.
    Good luck!

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    Current score: 1
  14. Anon Says:

    My boyfriend has this and I don’t know what the best course of action to take is. I don’t want it to affect our relationship but I don’t know what to do to try and stop it. It never happened during the first year of our relationship, and the seriousness of the incidents just keeps increasing. Is going to a GP the best thing to do?

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    Current score: 0
  15. S Says:

    My boyfriend has sexomnia, but it’s not really a big problem. On rare occasions he’s gone through a complete intercourse without waking up at all, but mostly he wakes up disorientated in the last stages or before it gets to intercourse. Only once have I not woken up, but noticed that we have been having sex while sleeping.
    Luckily I don’t find it offensive, mostly fun, and only mildly annoying if I’m very tired and he wakes me up with his grinding and rubbing against me.
    Once it actually smoothed things out between us, as I was ovulating and he was too tired to try getting me pregnant and we had an argument about it. But in the night he had a sexomnia incident and did the job anyway, which made us both really relieved and happy.
    When he starts touching me and rubbing against me when sleeping his breathing is heavy and he’s more sweaty than when he’s awake. That’s how I know that it’s an sexomnia incident, in the beginning I thought he was awake, but now I can easily tell the difference. Actually he’s more determined, forceful and intense when sleeping, not the same as sex when awake. I can fight him of if I really don’t want to, but he’s very determined when sleeping.

    No doctors has taken this seriously or even heard about the condition. Which is annoying and degrading. When we mention it they look at us as if we’re perverts or just want to talk about our sex life and it makes us feel like freaks.
    But since he also has nightmares, trash around in his sleep and wakes up several times during the night, it’s relevant to find out if it can be treated, so of course we mention all the sleep-problems including sexomnia. He is always tired from lack of continuous sleep. But the taboo is hindering being taken seriously.

    As mentioned I don’t mind the “spontaneous night-sex” even if he often wakes up and jumps out of bed in the middle of it, but I do want him to get proper sleep.

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    Current score: 1
  16. M Says:

    I think i suffer from this and its being a major issue for me..i cant find any guidance online of where to find support, can you help point me in the right direction please?

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    Current score: 1
  17. KALEASELP Says:

    I heard about this condition on TV recently. I never knew it existed. It may sound funny at first, but I can see how it can be scary.
    I hope everyone manages to deal with it and get on with their lives :)

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  18. amy Says:

    Someone please contact me.
    This is about to end my marriage.
    Ive been married to my husband for 7 years. He’s 34, im 27.
    For the past few years he’s “humped” in his sleep. the past year its got alot worse. He can get very rough and i hate it.
    I dont sleep well at all. Its every night without fail. He puts my hand on his winky and tries to have a fiddle, grabs my boobs, tries to enter me, tries getting me on top etc. He’s getting worse and im starting to hate him for it.
    This morning he spoke to me and said he woke himself up last night because he was thrusting so hard. I think the past few years when ive told him, he’s always thought i was joking or lying but now he knows just what he does. and to wake himself up he was obviously going mad at it!
    He wont go to the doctor

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    Current score: 0
  19. Dee Says:

    My boyfriend probably has this. He wakes up, a lot of the times about a half hour or so after hes fallen asleep, and even after denying me sex earlier in the day, he wants it at night. He sort of pops up and starts kissing me, shoving his hand in my pants, etc. He stops after that, but a few times I had been nagging him for lovemaking during the day and he said no so I just went with it. I ask him about his episodes in the morning and he has no idea what Im talking about, sometimes I try to wake him up during or check to see if he is fully consious but I can never really tell. We think its funny, its just scary how he pops up out of no where seemingly awake.

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  20. James Says:

    Hi all,

    Really interesting post. I’m a freelance journalist trying to put a news/issue feature article together on sexomnia, how it is viewed legally and what affect it has on people’s relationships. If you are a sexomniac or know one I would love to hear from you – pop me an email on jameslachno [at] gmail.com and we’ll go from there.

    Thanks,
    James

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    Current score: 1
  21. James Says:

    Second to this – to whoever runs this website, I’d love to talk to you also. Same email – jameslachno@gmail.com. Thanks, J.

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    Current score: 1
  22. Kiara Says:

    I think this disorder is a load of BS!! i have been the unfortunate Person who was Molested because of this stupid and obviously made up Disorder, its the same as frickin restless leg syndrome which i also think is a stupid disorder that isnt real , hell i have a real disorder, Not some disorder that your brain invented because you masterbated too much and now your brain thinks you need it all the time.

    This is so stupid , you know what .. if any doctor can message me and give me irrefutable proof that this ” Sexomnia” crap is real, Maybe i will think about not pressing charges on on of my roommates. Cuz i am an Epileptic , and my brain actually freaks out and makes my body seize! so when it comes to this sex sleep stuff i think you are ALL full of CRAP!!!!

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    Current score: 0
  23. admin Says:

    Kiara,
    First of all I’d like to offer my sympathy towards you.
    I’m afraid I cannot speculate as to whether your roommate was telling the truth or not, so I cannot confirm whether you are a victim of a sexsomnia sufferer, or a victim of an intentional sex attack. Either way, the pain you feel is just as real and I hope that you find a way of dealing with it.

    I urge you to please consider the feelings of sufferers of sexsomnia. Just because you don’t believe it is real, does not make it so. Are you saying that sleep walking, sleep talking, schitzophrenia, Tourettes syndrome, depression and anxiety disorders are also ‘made up’? Please open your mind and consider that just because you don’t understand, or have never experienced something first hand, does not make it a fabricated mental illness. This person may have lied to you, and they may not have this condition, but that does not mean that nobody has it.

    Personally, I would have no reason to fake such a disorder. I am a well balanced 27 year old, in a healthy relationship. My occurences fortunately are few and far between, and my girlfriend is very understanding when it happens. In fact, it seems more stressful for me than for her.

    If you would like to talk further on this, I am always happy to chat and offer you support. you can email me at:
    kibblehayden [at] gmail [dot] com

    And I promise to reply personally as promptly as I can

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    Current score: 4
  24. Dave Says:

    Kiara, I’m too am sorry to hear about what has happened to you, but I can honestly vouch for people who have this condition.
    I have had it for as long as I have been sleeping with people. I seem to be out of the ordinary in that my sexomnia seems to manifest itself a lot more regularly and increasingly so; from once or twice a year, to every month, to every week and recently every night. I remember the majority of instances, which seems to be rather unique from what I’ve read about other people’s experiences. I will appear fully awake and my girlfriend sometimes has difficulty in realising if I’m asleep or not, especially considering the short time it takes me (half hour) to begin. I am fortunately very easily dissuaded, particularly if engaged in conversation, when I’ll freely admit to being asleep, and roll over. For me the experience is a lot more dream like, although I can see my partner it’s not her I think I’m having sex with, which is rather embarrassing for me to admit to her (I even once snook into the White House to have sex with George Bush’s daughter). There is generally no build up to the dream, I kind of ‘wake-up’ to it, and think ‘yea getting it on with this sexy girl…..’ and put all my best moves on her. If I get no reaction I’ll normally come to terms with either her not being interested or the fact that I’m actually asleep. All of my girlfriends have had the same understanding and positive attitude to the condition. However I have on a few occasions, back when it happened less frequently, found myself sharing a bed with female friends. They have either felt taken advantage of and told me to get off, or asked me what I thought I was doing, but no real harm done. I have also been taken advantage of by female friends, which, for me has left me in many awkward situations, fearful of conception, sexual diseases and in a few instances somewhat raped.
    I saw my GP about this today, but am not confident much will be done. Fortunately I now have a great long-term partner, who understands this condition, so I have been slow in looking for help. But there’s always the fear that I’ll become forceful or violent, and with the increasing frequency I desperately looking for some solution to my problem! Will GLADLY contribute to any scientific/media research! davejmarshall [at] hotmail.co.uk

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    Current score: 1
  25. Jen Says:

    O.k. I have a question and am hoping someone might be able to help me. My partner suffers from sexomnia. I really don’t mind it much at all but it is coming to the point where it has kinda started getting less tender and a bit more aggressive. I have done a lot of research and I know it mentions that the sexomnia personality can be different than the awake personality sexually. Meaning if he is tender while awake he could be more aggressive while asleep. We have been together almost a year now and I love him dearly and also don’t mind this at all. I am just curious if there could be other triggers that might make him more aggressive than normal. Like if there might be a tie to porn or other outside presences that help alter how he behaves while preforming in his sleep. Thanks for any advice a head of time. :)

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  26. Dave Says:

    As I said, in the previous post, I’d seen the GP who’d said they ‘would do a bit of research and get back to me.’ Two weeks later still nothing, so I guess it’s just been ignored. Last night was the worst for me, I felt like I was awake for hours just learnt up next to my girlfriend trying to seduce her (she didn’t wake up and I fell back asleep at some point). Resutingly I am absolutely shattered today. I’m worried about my job, it’s concentration intensive and I can’t focus. I’m more than likely to miss a big deadline. How would I even begin to give my condition as an excuse for my performance? I’ve approached a hypnotherapist today, I’d fill you all in on how it goes, but I’ll probably have sold my computer to pay for it all! :P

    Jen,
    When it happens to me my personality changes too, fortunately for us i become a lot more gentle. I havn’t managed to identify any trigger, alcahol, sex and stress don’t seem to affect me, but I’d guess it’s different for each individual? Sorry I can’t help more than that!

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    Current score: 2
  27. Dave Says:

    Wouldn’t you know it! As soon as I slate the NHS I get a letter detailing my referral to the Neurology department of my local hospital! I’ll keep you all informed!

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    Current score: 1
  28. Jim Says:

    I too suffer from this. I only established it today, I tried hundreds of web searches for it but could not articulate my problem correctly. It’s steadily becoming a nightmare. It was one of the main factors for the end of my last relationship, my current girlfriend has had to deal with it and god bless her she’s very understanding.

    Worst of all, a few months back I stopped at a friends house and he, his girlfriend and myself all shared the same bed. Well you can guess what happened. I groped and tried it with both of them. For the record I am completely heterosexual which leads me to have faith in the theory sexomnia personality shift that Jen has highlighted and Dave has confirmed in his case. There is no continuity to these personality changes when it happens though unfortunately aggresion seems to be the predominant one.

    I shall include this link:

    http://www.sleepsex.org/text/SleepsexUncovered.pdf

    which is a fantastic resource if no one has encountered it yet.

    I didn’t really come here for answers.

    I am just so happy that I am not alone with this.

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    Current score: 1
  29. JT Says:

    I have this condition and all the stories submitted above are too familiar. Wow, I can’t believe that there are other people looking for help too. With me it strongly correlates to sleep deprivation or fatigue and indulging my mind in daytime fantasies. However, it’s difficult not to feel like a monster/predator sometimes when confronted with my behavior even though I don’t remember what happened. Additionally, sometimes I will say things or attempt things in a half dream state that I actually do remember later and I am so embarrassed. I know it has hurt some of my relationships. What kind of resources have you found that might help?

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    Current score: 0
  30. TRAF Says:

    Hi,
    I am the girlfriend of a sexomnia sufferer. We have a very loving relationship and a very active and fulfilling sex life. I first became aware of my bf’s activity soon after we started seeing each other. It usually happens when he is very tired, and therefore, ironically, is usually on the nights that we haven’t made love. It is sometimes triggered by me turning over in bed, and what I have noticed is that his movements are speeded up, and quite shaky. Sometimes his hand will wander between my thighs, sometimes he starts kissing me passionately, and within about 30 seconds, he tries to either initiate penetrative sex, oral sex, or sometimes he gets on top of me and falls back to sleep!
    The way I figure it is this, most sufferers will be sharing a bed with someone who they are in a loving relationship with, so I hope that they will be able to discuss it with them and get a sympathetic response. I can honestly say that it doesn’t bother me; I have learnt to differentiate between his conscious advances and his sleeping ones…I either ignore him, in which case he usually falls back into inactivity, or I say ‘great…a freebie!’ and get stuck in! Perhaps this makes me an abuser of him?!
    He is a little embarrassed by this, but is going to speak to his GP. I can honestly say that this IS a genuine condition, and would be interested to hear from the partners of other sufferers. If you do suffer from sexomnia, or if you suspect you are, then make sure you discuss it with your partner, and if your relationship is a loving and healthy one, then there shouldn’t be a problem.

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    Current score: 1
  31. George Says:

    Ive had this condition for as long as I can remember, luckily my wife of 16 years is really understanding. It has been a real shock though seeing this condition getting publicity on the news and in the papers, I thought it was either my wife winding me up or me just being a weirdo!
    Most of the time I would have absolutely no recollection of having sex at all, my wife would sometimes inexplicably thank me for the great sex last night, or give me a hard time for not leaving her alone and I would just be like WTF not knowing what she was on about. It was only after she told me what had been happening that I found out. To start with I was shocked and worried that I would hurt her because of the somewhat forceful nature of my actions. I would stay awake and worry about what may happen if I went to sleep. Now she ranges from waking up happy to basically punching me to try and wake me up.
    One problem that is starting to concern me is that I have started to throw my arms around in my sleep, several times punching my wife. This is just wrong so I have now made an appointment at my GP where I am firstly going to have to explain having sex in my sleep (which will be difficult) and then tell him that I have taken to hitting out as well. Not looking forward to that!
    Hopefully though it will have been made slightly easier after the publicity surrounding this condition and sites such as this.

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    Current score: 1
  32. Okay Says:

    I think its ridiculous that everyone has to emphasize and feel for the person suffering from sexsomnia.

    Yeah, poor you, you molested your partner in your sleep. They should be more understanding that you couldn’t help raping them, that it wasn’t your fault that you pinned them down and forced yourself onto them. Partners of people suffering from sexsomnia need to understand that while they don’t do this willingly, and while there IS medicines out there than can prevent such incidences, the side effects to the poor sexsomnia sufferer are too much.

    Please, save me the BS. If you’d rather unconsciously molest your partner than suffer from drowsiness from the side effects of the medicines, don’t ask for empathy. If I knew I was hurting someone in my sleep I’d do everything possible to prevent that. If you believe that being drowsy is worse than hurting your partner, you have more problems than sexsomnia.

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  33. admin Says:

    @Okay:
    Ha, I love your simplistic view on the world. If only we could pop a pill and all our troubles would melt away!
    Back in the real world, parasomnia has no known cure. The only effective treatments are trying to remove alcohol and stress from your life.
    Fortunately for me, my girlfriend is happy with the situation. It’s not a big issue for either of us.
    I’d ask you please to keep hurtful and uneducated comments to yourself and save this place for the grown-ups to offer constructive, informed advice.

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    Current score: 4
  34. Dave Says:

    @Okay,

    I iterate the points made by the admin! Next time you’re at the chemist or the GP ask them what they’d recommend for preventing sleep sex, I’m sure you’ll be met by a blank stare. I’ve been there, done that and have nothing to show for it. This website is the only place where I can find support and advice.

    Have you had an experience with someone suffering from sexomnia that you’d want to talk about? If so this is the right place to do it!

    If not, coming onto a forum designed for helping people with an embarrassing mental condition and telling them all they all have problems says more about you than it does about any of us.

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    Current score: 3
  35. Sophie Says:

    Hi!
    I am the girlfriend of a sexomnia sufferer. He also suffers a lot from sleep talking and occasionally night terrors. I don’t mind the sexomnia – it’s easy enough to deal with. I used to find the night terrors the hardest to deal with as they really disturbed my sleep. I sleep through most of his talking, advances and terrors these days as I’ve gotten used to it.
    My biggest concern is the amount of sleep he gets and how tired he is all the time. Sedatives don’t really make any difference and at the moment he is really stressed with work. Are there any tips for feeling more rested? He constantly is shattered which affects his whole life. Just wish he could get a good nights rest.

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  36. Paula Says:

    @OK and @Kiara,

    Both my partner and myself have this condition (he more than I).
    I can “episode” maybe twice a month, where he can “episode” several times per week.
    We have noticed a pattern with him, where this seems to happen more so when he is overly stressed at work, or when we’ve had some kind of argument, and there is a tense atmosphere. I have not noticed any triggers of my own.
    I would never, ever consider this being raped or abused by him, it is 110% out of his control. Some times, he wakes while kissing me passionately, other times he does not wake until he is about to orgasm.
    When he comes around, he is confused or disoriented – with zero memory of initiating sex. He has never been rough with me, or held me down, in fact, I find it quite enjoyable.
    I on the other hand, do not try to have full sex with him when I “episode”, I only kiss and “fool around” with him, usually both of us wake up and carry on.
    The only down sides to this condition that we can see, is that broken sleep leaves us both drained the next day, and we are concerned about the possibility of an unplanned pregnancy (Due to medical conditions of my own, unfortunately, the Pill is not an option for me).
    We certainly do not complain about it – we are both fully aware of the condition, and see it as something we share together.
    Please do not leave harsh comments about something you do not fully understand.
    It is not B.S. and it is certainly not an excuse for rape.

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    Current score: 2
  37. Lilly Says:

    Hi all,

    I’ve only just become aware that sexomnia is a real condition. I thought I was just going nuts!

    For me, my sexomnia started around four and a half months ago. I’m fairly sure that what triggered it was a particularly nasty streak of insomnia. At my worst, I was down to around three and a half hours sleep a night. I’m up to around six hours now, but with not being able to get any REM sleep, I’m constantly tired, which just perpetuates the problem.

    After reading everyone’s accounts of their episodes, I’m almost ashamed to say that mine are an every night occurance. In the four and a half months it’s been going on, there have only been two or three nights where I didn’t grope my poor husband enough to wake him up. On the upside, apparently I give a pretty mean handjob in my sleep!

    Although I’m yet to actually engage in intercourse during an episode, hubby says that I grope him, and insist that he returns the favour. One night, he decided to try to just push me away to see what would happen. I punched him in the face. He hasn’t tried to do that again, lol.

    The worst part of my condition is the sleep talking. I talk a lot, apparently. Which in of itself isn’t a problem. But, according to hubby, I’m declaring my undying love for another man. Talk about awkward! Lucky for me, hubby is understanding.

    I haven’t sought any help, at least not from ‘professionals’. At the moment it’s not causing me any grief, and to be frank, hubby loves it. What my research has shown me, though, is that sleep deprevation makes the ‘problem’ worse. And because episodes occur during REM sleep, we don’t get a proper night’s sleep, so we suffer further sleep deprivation, which just perpetuates the ‘problem’.

    So…what I’m trying to do is have an afternoon nap each day to combat the sleep deprivation, and hopefully that will slow down the episodes of sexomnia. That’s the plan, anyway!

    It’s been so good to read everyone else’s accounts, and to know that I’m not the only person who goes through this. Although it seems I’m one of the minority who make it a nightly occurance. Oh, and I never wake up, and I never remember my episodes. I’m seriously considering setting up a camcorder so I can see what the hell is going on during the night! I’d love to know!

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  38. Dave C Says:

    @Okay

    how you can comment on something that you clearly do not experience yourself is totally beyond me??

    I experience sexomnia, (dont want to use the word suffer as I do not feel as though I am suffering as a result of having this condition) and have done for years. I have had a few long term relationships over the years and have experienced incidents with 3 seperate partners, all of which had no complaints and certainly did not complain of me hurting them!?

    I think you clearly do not know what you are talking about on this subject and should therefore keep your unfounded comments/ opinions to yourself. The forum should surely be left for people who genuinely have an interest in the matter and not people who just want to leave potentially insulting comments regarding a subject they clearly do not have a clue about.

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  39. Girlfriend Says:

    @TRAF: Amen!

    I am also the girlfriend of a sufferer I suppose. Up until now I never thought of it as a real problem, let alone a condition!
    I either ignore it and he stops, or go along with it, depending on how asleep I was myself. Usually, its the latter :P

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  40. Beth Says:

    @Girlfriend and @TRAF

    I just left a post under the ‘About This Site’ section. I’m also the partner of someone who suffers from sexomnia, and I’d love to hear your thoughts on the episode described in my other post. This site has been great for providing some insight into my boyfriend’s sleep disorder.

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  41. Luke Says:

    I’ve noticed that my episodes are triggered by being really really tired. When I first started doing it my wife would go along with it but I have since told her to stop me/wake me up if I try it as I’m not comfortable with having sex without consciously being in control/aware of it. She says she doesn’t mind, but I certainly do. I think it’s irresponsible to let it happen if you know the other person has no control over it. The fact that you love each other isn’t the point. I was worried that if she let it go on then eventually it may have escalated into something not so fun and so figured best to stop it as soon as it begins. I’ve read stories of people doing all sorts of terrible things in their sleep, from rape to murder. I’d rather not become one of them. I’m sure there’s no proof that letting it happen leads to escalation, but there’s no proof that it doesn’t. I’m not prepared to risk that happening. Now that we know that the trigger is lack of sleep I do my best not to get too tired (I work from home often in order that I may sleep in 2 hours longer than I would if I were travelling in to the office) and on the occasions that I am extremely tired my wife and I agree that if I do try and initiate sex during the night that she must not play along with it. The way I see it is that if one party is not aware, then the only person getting any potential pleasure from the situation is the person who is awake. It feels too much like all of the people who are commenting how great it is are taking advantage of what could turn out to be a very serious situation and are not thinking of the potential consequences. It’s just as morally questionable as getting your partner drunk to the point where they don’t remember their actions and having sex with them. Although when asleep you are the one initiating it, if that initiation is not a conscious decision then how can it be legally consensual? People have been spared jail because of their unconscious actions, meaning that although they did something, they wouldn’t have done it/consented to doing it if conscious, as demonstrated by the people on here stating that their partners denied them sex during the day due to being too exhausted, but then initiated a sexual encounter during their sleep. Consciously they did not want sex, but their conscious partners were willing to “forget” this and have sex with them while they were not conscious or in control of their actions. In that scenario the concious person has taken advantage because the other person won’t remember. Plus they didn’t want to have sex in the first place. You can do what you want in your own relationships within the boundaries of what you deem morally acceptable, I just figured I’d share my views on the subject.

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  42. RICH Says:

    I to suffer from this, can anyone advise if there is a cure or what steps I can take to help ease it? Thanks

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  43. Ryan Says:

    Happens to me all the time…3-7xper week…I think I just have a very high sex drive and an xtreme attraction to my wife… She kinda likes knowing that even while I’m sleeping I desire her..sometimes she is annoyed but not often… I don’t normally come to until the point of orgasm.. And it’s normally extremely intense and gratifying

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  44. Carolyn Says:

    My husband has this condition. I’m glad to know there is a name for this condition. We’ve been together for 11 years. I remember in the first couple of years in the mornings I’d find his underwear in the sheets. I thought maybe he was masturbating and fell asleep and for whatever reason was embarassed to tell me. We have a great sex life and are very open about everything. One day I asked him and he didn’t know how his underwear came off. He would say “I probably got hot and took them off.” I found it weird cause he always told me that he liked to sleep with underwear on because when he rolls around in his sleep it keeps everything down there ‘together’ and is more comfortable. lol. I asked him on other occasions and most times he truly didn’t know. He also would initiate sex in the middle of the night (2 or 3am) but often it never went anywhere. For example he’d start fondling my breasts while I was asleep and start kissing me very passionately in a way that was not like his usual self. I thought it was exciting. But also really funny when as quickly as it started he’d stopped abruptly and be in a deep sleep snoring away!! I’d be like what happened? Hello? Are you still awake? Honey? Then the next morning I’d tease him about the hot-cold advances and he had absolutely no recollection of it whatsoever. We laughed and laughed about it. The truly amazing thing about it is that when it happens his eyes are open! Yes! I know, it sounds absurd, but his eyes are open. I can honestly say we’ve had sex while he is completely asleep but with his eyes open! It doesn’t happen as often as it used to but every once in a while the ‘other guy’ shows up in our bedroom. I’ve gotten used to it and I now know the difference. When it happens, he doesn’t speak or answer questions and there is a certain forcefullness (I would not call it violent or agressive) that differentiates the awake sexual version of my husband vs. the sleep sex version. I’ve read the other posts and I guess I’m lucky because I don’t feel violated. My husband feels embarassed and apologetic when I tell him about it (especially if I was awakened and left wanting more) and we think it’s hilarious!

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  45. kate Says:

    Hi I am a journalist writing for the nationals and would love to speak to someone about their problems with sexomnia to produce a feature for a women’s weekly magazine o rnewspaper raising awareness about this and hopefully making people realise what a serious condition this is. If you want to be involved in the feature please email me kw5694 (at) live.com, you will be paid for you time and trouble too.

    Thanks

    Kate

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  46. Ashley Says:

    I was told by my fiance that I had done sex acts to him while I was sleeping. I woke up and I do not remember anything at all. It is the first time this has ever happend (that I know of). It is kinda scary to know that this could happen and not remember a single thing. I am usually not a hard sleeper and wake up easy, so its hard to know that I could have engaged in this type of activity unknowingly.

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  47. Cameron Says:

    I have this condition. I can start trying to initiate sex with my girlfriend while asleep, then I come round. Sometimes its welcomed, sometimes its not. It has caused problems between us as it is disturbing her sleep. I wish I could stop but don’t know what to do. It happens about twice a fortnight.

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  48. Vinod Says:

    I have problem of sexomnia from past 5 years, but never had involved in extreme conditions. Yesterday i forcefully had sex with my wife. I don’t remember how i initiated, but in between in realised what i was doing and so left in between. Is there any way to stop me. I repeat this activity randomly

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  49. zoe Says:

    So, when I got with my boyfriend he told me he had a sleep talking problem and that very rarely he had sleep walked (only two known episodes) … I found his sleep talking highly amusing and I find it’s my duty to relate his sleep talking back to him. Today though before he knocked out he said I’m really tired… so I immediately knew a sleep talking episode would occur however he had escalated to groping me. I asked later on if he had been drinking last night he stated no. So now I know that he’ll need restortive sleep however he’s nocturnal. Not by choice, that’s just how he functions. He’s been like that since he was a child. How can he get good sleep if he doesn’t sleep at night? He knocks out around 645 am and wakes up around 4pm. Are there other night owl sexmnics out there? Any ideas on sleeping? I love him dearly I just want to help.

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  50. MonBon Says:

    Hi all,

    My current boyfriend of 5 months claims that I’m groping and fondling him (sticking my hand in his pants, grabbing his d***) and making him grope and fondle my boobs and butt. HOWEVER, he says whenever he responds and tries to continue the act, I get mad and turn over OR if he doesn’t respond I get mad. Could I have sexomnia? I do have issues sleep talking and not remembering the conversations the night before as well as tossing and turning at night.

    My boyfriend and I discussed this and he doesn’t think I have it but… why would I do what I do? he thinks its a subconscious action and no other boyfriend has mentioned these nightly sexual acts to me. Lately my libido has been low and that’s been an issue with my current boyfriend but I’m on birthcontrol and anti-depressants, both which are said to cause low libido. Could this be causing a subconscious action?

    I’m so confused. I’m so frustrated. Someone please help me and give me advice!!!! I’ll gladly accept emails! Mor.of.Russo [at] gmail.com

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  51. shannon Says:

    hello.

    I’ve been going out with my bf for 2 and a half years and we’ve been living together for one year. I noticed when we moved in together that he could get a bit gropey in his sleep but i usually ignored it. I had never heard of sexsomnia so it didn’t dawn on me that something was wrong, i just thought he was dreaming or something.

    The first time his condition became really apparent was when he started groping me one night and i woke up. We ended up having sex and i went back to sleep. the next morning I told him to stop waking me up at all hours in the morning for sex and he just gave me a blank look. He had no recolection of ever groping me any night of having sex with me that night.

    Since then he will start groping me, kissing me and other things in his sleep and now every morning he has to ask me if he’s done anything.

    He loves me very much and i love him too, and the condition doesnt really bother me, but he’s making it very hard to sleep at night. I’ve gotten into the habit of curling into a ball at night whilst protecting the main areas that need to be protected. I love him but i think he needs help, but hes too embarrassed to see a dr. any advice?

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  52. Annie Mo Says:

    OH my Goodness, i have had this for years, just did not know there was a name for it. I would like to know where and how i can get treatment for it. I have been taken advantage of because of this. Men do not understand or do not care that this is rape, unconcious sex is rape. Please sent me info on where i can get help. Thanks in advance. Annie

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  53. Cls Says:

    I hate it, its going to get me killed!!!!!

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  54. Mike Says:

    Hi all,

    I think i have this problem as well, as i have jst been informed by girlfriend. We have been together for around 11 – 12 months now and she has told me about 2 or 3 times that i have been trying it on with her and she has to push me away for me to stop. I am getting very concerned about this now; i have never felt so bad in my life :( . I am scared of losing her due to this condition; i don’t even remember doing anything in the middle of the night at all!

    I have sometimes woken up to wet patches in my boxers and i don’t even remember having a dirty dream or anything! I have just started doing some research this morning and there are quite a lot of people who are having the same issue.

    I have read that lack of sleep can cause this to occur but is this true? I am currently working at 6am till 1:30pm and don’t sleep till around 11pm or after midnight and then getting up at 5:15am the next day!

    If anyone has any information at all regarding this or anyway of helping that would be great! I don’t want to lose what i have with my girlfriend! :(

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  55. Sayaka Says:

    I am suffering from this stupid disorder. Please talk to me someone who knows well.

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  56. wayne Says:

    Hi All I’ve had this condition for many years we knew nothing about it & i didn’t go to my doctor at the time mainly out of embarrassment, it was only after seeing a program on t.v that all the our questions was answered I.E i had sexomnia. So my wife & i went to the doctors & well was gobsmacked as to the little or no help there is out there, especially as it it took alot of bottle to talk about it with no help on hand. That program made me feel i wasn’t alone & more to the point help is out there just go & ask, how wrong i was. I love my wife dearly & would do nothing to harm her but i really want this to stop. Anyone with any route they have gone down would be great. thank you

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  57. Stephanie Says:

    I have sexomnia and have known for a while. I just didn’t know it was actually something until a couple year ago. I usually initiate sex and I wake up about half way through foreplay. Last night it happened again. The biggest problem w

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  58. Nicola B Says:

    Hey guys, my boyfriend is also a sufferer. I found this out only months ago after just assuming my boyfriend was awake and I was just irresistible for months before! Haha.

    I only found out when half way through he woke up and looked very confused and apologised profusely. It was funny at the time, we had a good giggle. I would just like to thank you guys for sharing your triggers as this has made a lot of sense.

    My boyfriend usually tries it when he’s tired or drunk and I just tell him I’m tired or roll over and he goes back to sleep. But I always worry about him because of how tired it makes him a lot of the time. Poor guy!

    Also, the only reason it’s become a problem is that due to migraines and high blood pressure I’ve had to stop taking contraception and I can’t use other methods as I bleed until I’m anaemic. Last month I was on muscle relaxants which made me sleep like a log…which means I didn’t wake up until he’d already finished. Sinc I was so drowsy I fell straight back to sleep and forgot about until yesterday! That was two weeks ago and the pregnancy test is in another two weeks…

    So I was just wondering if there is any precaution that I can take to make it harder for him (no pun intended) to erm…initiate sex with me? Like, do any of the sufferers here manage to take their clothes off easily in the night? Or should I wear a chastity belt? xD

    If anyone has any tips, my email addy is nicola1986@live.co.uk :) :)
    X

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  59. Gail Says:

    Ok I have a question, is it called sexomnia if you are also taking in your sleep, but talking about another person other then your husband. This started about a month ago. I do not remember a thing I am doing while I am alseep. He tells me I’m talking about someone else not him. It was someone I knew about 14 years ago and have just recently connected back up with.

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  60. Kt Says:

    I have had this condition since i was a teenager at least, I’m 24 now. I had issues sleep walking as a child and sleep talking since at least I was a teenager which is when I assume this started. I used to have female friends occasionally mention I would grope them when we had sleepovers, luckily most of my friends believed me when I informed them that I wasn’t aware of it. My first live in boyfriend never really mentioned it for a long while but I got hints due to him talking about how great the sex we had had the night before was and such. My husband now helped me realize what was going on mostly because he is sick and is not always able to do things. I get very forceful when I have sleep sex and this bothers him at times. It scares me that this happens. Some nights aren’t as bad, I may fondle him or just masturbate. But its when I get more forceful that I worry about it. I have been with him for 5 years now and in that time it hasn’t gotten any better and tho he tries to understand he doesn’t always. I think he feels almost violated due to it at times. I’m lucky that it only seems to happen with someone in bed with me, but to me it’s scary that this can happen. I want treatment for it not necessarily for my current relationship but for the future. What happens if his illness gets the better of him and I begin dating again. I can’t fall asleep in the same house as someone that could take advantage of me in any way and they may not even realize that they are doing that.
    I’ve heard stories of people attempting to get doctors help and they can’t get them to even acknowledge its existence. Is it something a general practitioner can diagnose or is a neurologist/sleep study required for diagnoses before they will try to treat you. I have no insurance so getting any sort of help is expensive and I feel like going when they won’t do anything is pointless.

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  61. James Says:

    sigh, the ignorance of some people is always so surprising. i, like many of the people on this page “suffer” sleep sex. you would be surprised how many times i have passed out at a friends house to tell me i was humping the couch or masturbating in my sleep. i have also awakened during sex that i guess i had instigated a few times. i too, have found a girl that really enjoys it so it’s not like a real problem for me. the only thing is that you have to watch out for sleeping in a bed with someone you don’t know that well, or haven’t told them about your situation. like i said i have a middle form and i am never violent in my sleep sex, but from what i have found some people can be.

    i wish everyone the best of luck on this page and thanks for being a part of this support group!

    to the people that don’t believe, would you blame a person for talking, walking or doing anything else in their sleep? try waking up to your friends telling you ” you were getting pretty cock silly on the couch last night” and see if you don’t believe it then

    of course their will be people trying to ride the coatails of a legit condition trying to pin their obvious rape case on sleep sex, which is bullshit.

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  62. fergie Says:

    for the last few years my gf has always told me the morning after that in the middle of the night she would awake to me grabbing her private parts, talking dirty and sometimes playing with myself, i always told her i had no recolection of this and i always felt embearssed about this the next day.

    I looked it up on goodle and i seen the word (sexomnia) and BANG there it was ME i was sooo relieved to see i wasnt the only person suffering with this.

    i have no idea what to do, iv tried to recall what i have been at the night before all this and what i can really recall is…………
    yes most nights it happened iv been drinking, altho allot of the time i havent,,,,,,a few times its happened with me waking up during it and just going with it and other times iv had no recolection of it

    i dont really wanna go to my doctor because he knows me well because he lives in my area an i run past his house every evening like??

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  63. Dave Says:

    I went to see my doctor about this in Feb. They were very good and completely understood. I felt a bit apprehensive before going in, but it was fine and I’m glad I could talk to someone about it. They referred me to a neurologist but I’m still waiting for my appointment. They keep cancelling, I guess they don’t think it’s an issue. I went back to the doctors who couldn’t believe I’d been treated so badly, he re-referred me, but haven’t heard anything since. Maybe I will have to pay for private care or maybe hypnotherapy? But i’m still missing work because I dont get enough sleep! :(

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  64. Elizabeth Says:

    I suffer from sexomnia and I am female. I don’t wander into peoples bedrooms or try to attack friends sexually, but it happens all the time with my husband. I either don’t remember it at all or I will wake up when I’m climaxing (or he is). I masterbate in my sleep which usually initiates my husband to respond and we have intercourse. I’ve told him it doesn’t bother me because we are very close and it’s an understanding between us that I may not recall it the next day. I never knew it was an actual condition or disorder until recently. I just thought I was a freak. Please believe me, as a woman, this is a very real condition and I have it. It’s not just an excuse for men to be pigs!

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  65. james Says:

    i to suffer from this. i am always trying to have sex with my gf or fondle her she doesnt mind but i must admit it does scare me and i do make a strict rule not to sleep next to any1 other than my gf just to ve on the safe side.

    ps so glad i found this page been really helpful guys thanks.

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  66. Leena Says:

    Hi,
    My boyfriend suffers with sexomnia and I don’t mind it, what I’d really like to know is if there is any way to wake them up without potentially distressing them? We’ve only been together a month and it has happened about 3 times. He has never had sex with me, but I want to make sure if he does try that I can wake him up as contraception is a big issue. I don’t particularly want a child to be conceived while he’s asleep.
    Any advice would be great. He is really embarrassed about it and doesn’t like to talk about it. I got really upset the first time it happened as I didn’t realise he was asleep. Now I know, I don’t mind I’d just like to have an idea of how I can stop him if he goes too far.
    Thank you so much for setting up this website. You are clearly helping lots of people. If anyone out there has any advice I’d be so grateful.

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  67. Lauren Says:

    Hello,
    I’m writing an article on sexsomnia for a UK newspaper and would love to hear from anyone who suffers from it – or has a partner who suffers from it, ideally here in the UK. Please contact me at lauren.libbert@mac.com as soon as possible.
    Thanks very much.

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  68. Sarah Says:

    Hello,
    I’m writing an article for a leading UK women’s magazine about couples in longterm relationships, where the man suffers from sexsomnia. This will be an intelligent, sensitively handled interview aiming to provide an insight into what life is like living with sexsomnia, how it impacts upon the relationship and how this couple have overcome the difficulties it presents?
    I’d love to hear from you if you or your partner suffers from sexsomnia, and all conversations can be strictly confidential. My email is sarahhar@gmail.com
    Many thanks,
    Sarah

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  69. RestlessHouse Says:

    My poor husband! We are 30ish and have 2 small children so a good night’s sleep is rare. I’ve always gotten up with the kids mostly on my own so I’m slightly resentful when my husband complains that he’s tired because he didn’t sleep well. I’m the first up and last to bed many times so I feel like he is dismissing my exhaustion. He envys that I fall asleep easily.  That said we have a very stable loving relationship but very little opportunity for physical expressions. Since we started our family I do my best not to reject him and he respects that sex is no longer the only thing that regularly deprives me of sleep. Not that I ever minded before and to this day he makes it worthwhile. So these past few years my sleep is occasionally interrupted by him coming on to me and I pretend to stay asleep until he appears to pass back out. Anticipating his disappointment I wake up feeling guilty and insecure. Irrationally, I don’t want him giving up and going elsewhere. Then when I apologize for my rejection he simply has no recollection. I feel like I’ve been awarded a “Get out of jail free” card and we have a dismissive laugh. I’ve even wondered if I dreamed it but have never been convinced that his extra-uninhibited advances aren’t real. Now that I’ve explored this page I believe this is a very real thing. As dangerous as epilepsy or narcolepsy but unfortunately not taken seriously. Sex is just another activity like walking or talking but people aren’t as willing to accept sexomnia. We’re not asking people to believe in vampires here! I just feel bad because now I know this is a sign that despite appearances my husband truly doesn’t get restful sleep and I’ve not been listening to him because of my obvious sleep deprivation. I need to be more open to the idea that he may honestly have a sleep disorder and this is just evidence of his disrupted slumbering.  Best of luck to the rest of you. 

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  70. Acoma Says:

    Wow! So glad for this site. I’ve had this forever… previously I always thought that it was my girlfrind that initiated things. I would wake up in the middle, or sometimes at the beginning… and she (my ex) never complained.

    I’m in a a relationship now and its happened a handful of times… and she made me very aware of what was going on, and what I was doing. We never started it, I guess I would just initiate it. I would have never been aware of this if she didn’t tell me…. and I feel so uncomfortable. She told me its like having someone try to force themself on you…. and I feel awkward and horrible about it. I thought that I was possessed… she’s waken me out of the sex induced stupor and when I would come to I was just disoriented, like, “How’d I get on top of her.” It is the most embarassing thing in the world… not so much because of what it is… but because its akward for her. She doesn’t understand how I feel… and that it isn’t something that I have any control over. So what do I do?

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  71. Confusedblonde Says:

    I think I might have this. It started with my boyfriend saying I got on him and had sex with him when I asked why I had woken up naked. He later confessed that he had stripped me and told me to suck him and spread my legs and I did what he said so he did me. Now he says after weeks of telling me what to do in my sleep I just fully engage and go with it. But he still always initiates it. He says I talk to him also. I have no recollection of any of this though.

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  72. dark mark Says:

    hi

    my wife and i got married two weeks ago and she has been saying for some time that i masturbate in my sleep. however i didnt believe her until today,when i woke to find the evidence. we have talked about this at some length today and have subsequently found this site. our opinion is that as long as both partners are understanding of the condition then there is no real harm in it. whether it happens under stress or when your tired makes no difference as long as your both understand it. And love each other….

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  73. good Says:

    Yea, my wife told me I had this about a year ago. And I did not believe her for a while, then I actually remembered a very faint part of it but I thought I was dreaming. So we have noticed it comes on when I am stressed ad working on little sleep.

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  74. Neb Says:

    Last night I almost raped my girlfriend in my sleep , we both fell asleep together and she woke up with me naked masterbating with one hand and trying to put my hand down her jeans with the other. My girlfriend has been raped before and since when she asked me to stop I never done anything I really scared her and now she wont trust me to be near her , I brought back all her repressed memories of the times she was raped and I feel like I can’t forgive myself even thought i couldn’t help it. I went to sleep horny and I have the feeling If I’d have released that hornyness, by asking her to give me a handjob etc none of this would have happened. Is there anything I can do to bring back the trust in our relationship or is it too late?

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  75. Richard Says:

    Hello,i am a 24 year old male with this condition.although I would like to mention firstly that in the medical profession it is not reffered to as “sexomnia”.it is actually a form of parasomnia which has just been dubbed sexomnia by the papers,magazines etc.it has had a rather large effect on life ,considering im doing this un-knowingly while im asleep.for me,iv always talked in my sleep,but in the past couple of years it has progressed to much worse activities…..this includes -kissing,saying nice things to my girlfriend,humping her leg,fondling her and myself,penertrative sex……then there is the darker side to it,which I seeked help for and still am now as it realy bothers me…i can be forceful,i have held her down to have sex with her,i have attempted to strangle her,i shout and swear…for these reasons I no longer have my daughter over night at weekend as I dont know what ill do.it scares me..for those small minded idiots that think this,isnt a real disorder,i think you should read some things about parasomnia.its actually quite scarey what people can do while theyre asleep.im always looking for someone to talk,to about it,as nobody understands how it actually is for a sufferer.all NICE comments welcome and wanted.if you are looking for help with problems similar to this then just ask,and,i can help….sorry about all the extra commas and bad punctuation.im on my phone.

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  76. sam Says:

    i have this. i wake up alot of the time with my hand in my fellas boxers!! sometimes he moves me away, fair enough!! but sometimes he will wake up too and then we get into it. but once, we both woke up at the same time, and i was on top of him riding him!! ans another time, i have woke up and he has been masturbating himself and when i mentioned it the next day he swore he had no memory of it!! its weird how the human body works when your sleeping. but we dont complain to each other, quite like it!!

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  77. Troy Says:

    I ve been going thru this for a while now. I am a 22 yr. Old male. When it first started I thought was experiencing a wet dream but it kept happening.I often wake up right after I ejaculate in my sleep usually dreaming im with someone. I currently have a girlfriend and I have woken up in the middle of the night trying to initiate sex with her but she went for it. sho she stil dont know about it. At first i was embarassed by this but seeing other peoples girlfriends and wives say they are ok with this gives me the courage to tell my girlfriend today….wish me luck

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  78. Paul Says:

    I have had this form of parasomnia for years. It has a big negative impact on my marriage, as I haress my wife every night, and have been forcing her down and been acting like a different person. We have just recently found out that this is an actual medical condition and I hope we can get this thing under control, that she can sleep her nights in peace.

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  79. Kacper Says:

    Response to K, trust me he’ll be delighted !

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  80. Jess Says:

    I have been told by my bf of 8yrs that I masterbate in my sleep although I have only done it for the past 3yrs (so he tells me) and it is increasingly getting worse. I can do it more than once every night, according to my bf, he has also said that I talk dirty and say another man’s name whilst doing this, (I have no feelings for this man that I mention in my sleep).

    I have no dirty dreams that I remember and do not remember anything even after being woken up by him straight after an “episode”. This is obviously causing stress between us because his a light sleeper so we are both being sleep deprived and he feels upset by the sleep talk and actions and feels he is not satisfying me sexually, as I do it even after sex with him.

    I have been to the GP and tried 3 different drugs, none of which did very much to stop the actions, (although this was over 2yrs ago now) I have also been referred to clinics.

    The first I was told by the doctor that her speciality was not appropriate for this problem. The second clinic, the GP thought it might be conected to sleep apnea as my bf also mentioned I stop breathing in my sleep too.

    The sleep study test showed that I have the normal amount of sleep apnea and after a couple of very uncomfortable nasal probes was told I had a regrowth of adenoids and was put to sleep for further investigations incase this was the cause which also amounted to nothing so I was then referred to a snoring speacialist (which has nothing to do with the main sleep sex problem), as you can see I have asked for help and had no luck over the past 3 yrs in finding a reason/trigger or cure.

    If anyone has tried anything that they think has remotely helped them please help me. I have also tried not smoking, sleeping in seperate rooms, not drinking, having lots of sex before going to sleep, having no sex for a few weeks, different bedtime clothing, I also work shift patterns so I’ve tried going to bed at different times.

    The only option I can see thats left is councilling or hypnotherapy, has anyone tried this.

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  81. Terri Says:

    Last night I told my fiancee what he was doing. He thought I was joking and suggested I look it up online. Now I am scared. Not for myself but for my daughter. He previously told me that he use to sleep walk as a child, I haven’t seen that yet but am not willing to take a chance that his sexsomnia will progress to walking to her room. I haven’t seen any post on here to address this disorder with couples with children. We are to be married in April, I Love him but I love her more

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  82. Sharon Says:

    I am also looking for answers. I wasn’t aware that such a condition exists. Two mornings it has happened where I awake and go to use the bathroom and realize that am seeing signs that I had sex and I have no memory of it. So I asked my spouse and he said yes we had sex but I explained to him that I seriously have no memory and that it was not a joke. Am concerned and scared of the possible implications of this. I mean its fine that my spouse is the one it happened with but that means someone can have sex with me and I dont know.I dont sleep talk or walk like the others I have read about so far so why am I having this.Someone please give me some incites.

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  83. Fax Says:

    Over the weekend I got drunk with friends. The next day I hear that I forced myself on him. He now thinks I’m gay. I’m so ashamed. I think I can recall kissing him passionately & touching him but can’t recall initiating nor the ending of the ‘episode’.

    A few years ago it happened the same way, It was such a shameu we agreed never to mention it.

    I’ve noticed it happens in my deepest sleep with people I’m comfortable sharing a bed with (meaning when my ‘guard’ is down. When I’ve blacked out due to drinking with a worn out body.

    When I sleep with women (friends) I’m so cautious and thank god it has not happened.

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  84. Tina Says:

    I’m thinking my husband has this problem. A few months ago he started out by grabbing my ass while he is sleeping and a couple of times he’s played with my breast. With all of this I happen to be a very light sleeper and I can always tell when he is on my side of the bed.

    It has been getting worse with him. He falls asleep like right away, horny all the time-before sleep and extremely explicit dreams when he is asleep. He also moves his arms and legs like crazy and hits me and last night i watched what he does, it looks like he wants to masterbate but his hand is on my side of the bed and above the blankets. My husband complains about not getting any sex, but he doesn’t understand that I have had alot of health probleam this past year (4 surgeries) and a death of a parent. My depression has gotten worse and with all of this I just don’t even want to sleep with him on the weekends any more. My husband works graveyard shift 4 days a week and so it gets worse on the weekends and I get less sleep because of it. We have fights all the time because of this. He already suffers from sleep apnea and LOVES to drink tons of caffine prior to bed. I know that his cpap machine goes off at least 1-3 times a night with the chirping, letting us know that he’s stopped breathing.

    Please someone help me out I just happened to know about sexomnia because of a tv show I just watched on wednesday night on discovery fit and health channel.

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  85. Paul Says:

    ok, this has gone on for over fifteen years. Apparently, every other night I am having sex with my wife in the middle of the night. I say apparently as I have no memory of it happening. It has been major problem in my marriage. It was always coming up, “and you can stop having sex in the middle of the night”. I had no idea what my wife was talking about, I thought she was crazy. Ok, so searches on the internet show it is real.

    I am really angry about people who think this is a joke. It is no joke. also, the person has no memory of the event, so if you think this is a great thing, you better join a thinking club and rethink this symptom.

    I am trying to find more information as I understand that this symptom result in more serious disorders. Little information available, since it is only recently being researched. Apparently, 80 percent of suffers eventually develop Parkinson disease or dementia.

    Looking for more information

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  86. Nathan Says:

    This happens to me – sumtimes I wank in my sleep, other times I wake up with my cock fully penertrating my partner, it can be very embarasing

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  87. A.J. Says:

    I’ve read most testimonials here but I don’t think there’s one where both partners experienced this behavior. So I might be the first one to post it. Both me and my wife sleep talk. She sleep walks sometimes. I have very erotic dreams every now and then. My wife tells me that some nights I have kissed and hugged her, which I don’t remember. Other nights she might be the one doing that. Well last night we both had sex while sleeping. It was initiated by her and I went along with it. It was real intense. I had an orgasm so I think that’s what woke me up. I was trying to figure out what just had happened when she asks me “did we just have sex?” and that’s when I realized we were both asleep while doing it. She asked if I had come, if she was moaning aloud, and more questions. I don’t remember all the details of how it went down except for we started grinding. She reached into my shorts, which have velcro in front, she pulled my penis throught that velcro opening and inserted into her. When we went at it the velcro was scratching my genitals and penus but I just kept going at it real hard. That’s how I know that I was asleep because awake I would have taken my sorts off and not allowed that discomfort. Any how, this is our first experience of sexsomnia. She was rather embarrased and confused. For me it was like something exiting but it also concerns me as I think I have experienced this before where I woke up touching or grinding up against other previous relationships. I could not sleep afterwards and now I’m having a crappy day at work since I only got two hours of sleep. =(

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  88. jon Says:

    my story is even more meesed up. I’m a straight male (not even remotely interested in other men) and there was one occasion where I had to sleep in the same room with another male. next day we woke up, I sensed he was acting weird and all, I didnt think much, then he told me I tried to get into his bed and attempted to have sex with him, and he had to punch me off. this is so screwed. I have absolutely no recollection of it, but I believe he is telling the truth because I have done the same to my girlfriend many times. i have no idea how I came to the conclusion that having sex with my buddy was a good idea. I dont even like men one bit!

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  89. Jennie Says:

    I didn’t realize until last night when I came across this site that sexsomnia is an actual condition.
    My boyfriend has sexsomnia, and has had it the entire time that we’ve been together, 3 years. At first he would just grope me and put his hand in my underwear in his sleep, but then it turned into humping, kissing, and actual sex. He usually wakes up right after he enters me, so it’s never a whole sex session with him completely asleep. It doesn’t happen every night, but does occur once in a while. He talks in his sleep too, so I’m surprised I’ve even been able to get sleep with him next to me at night, haha.
    I don’t even mind that he has this condition, and I certainly don’t feel like a ‘sufferer’ or ‘victim’ of his condition. I just wish he was awake the whole time! :) I love my boyfriend through anything and will stick with him no matter what comes around.

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  90. Nicole Says:

    My boyfriend has sexsomnia , trust me I know it for a fact. But is it normal to have this at the age 16 ?

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  91. Ash Says:

    I have suffered from this for a while…at first I was in denial about it….now i know its true…while friends ans roommates think its a great thing, it scary! Im not exactly sure what to do about it. I feel that it is damamging relationships and im worried that it could have an effect on my health. I have found myself sleeping with random partners….now i wonder who hasnt told me about this that i havent known about….granted, i have had tests and im totally fine, but if this continues…i dont know what will come of it….im officially worried!!!!!

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  92. jon Says:

    I have suffered from this disorder for alot of years now and my wife is just about to devorce me because of it . My cases sounds very rare as i have not read about anyone being extremely violent , but thats what happens to me , there is no patern to it it just happens here and there. my wife has tried kicking me square in the growing and it has no affect im so lost , i love my wife with all my heart but i dont want her to have to deal with this any longer , any help to solve this would be great .

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  93. dave Says:

    Recently I’ve started feeling my missus up at night. Occasionally I’ll wake up as we’re kissing then we’ll both go ahead and have sex, but usually it culminates in me waking her up by feeling between her legs, then when she’s getting aroused I fall back into deep sleep. Weird. Two days ago, I simply pulled the covers off her, kissed her bum cheek, then was lay back down. I don’t remember any of it, other than when I wake up during the activity.
    This only started a few months ago, I’m 27 now. Luckily, it only annoys her when I fall back asleep cos she was woke for nothing. When I wake and we carry on she enjoys and doesn’t complain about the tiredness.

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  94. Kt Says:

    Nichole, I have done it since I was a teenager as well. I don’t actually know exactly when it started, but at 15 I molested my best friend during a sleepover so I know it can happen so young.

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  95. nick Says:

    Fairly sure i have this, I found out that its a regular coinsurance between myself and my girlfriend. Its a vary big annoyance to her, and i feel really bad for doing it.. i’m not sure how to stop though, because she rolls me over or asks me to stop and i still do it. (I’m a really heavy sleeper)

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  96. Ben p Says:

    Hi all
    I have had this problem for some time now and I upto now its not been a huge problem as my girlfriend would tell me to stop and I would.

    But now its becoming a problem as she has now started becoming upset with me about it.

    Im very embarrassed about it and dont like talking about it. But I am now being forced to go to the doctors about it. Is there anything I should know before going to the doctors such as what to expect?

    My partner has started talking to friends and family about which make me feel like crap. I dont like talking about it my self never mind other people. I to kl d her how this makes me feel but I guess she just needs an outside oppinion. I dont blame her as she is mainly the sufferer of this.

    If it helps anyone else, I tend to do it after lack of sleep and after drinking. I have no recollection of it in the morning exept for on rare occasions when in the morning I have had a vague dream about doing it.

    I need to find a way to control this im terrified that it is going to effect my relationship but I feel trapped because im so embarrased about it.

    Any help is welcome

    thanks

    Ben

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  97. Happy Sleeper Says:

    My boyfriend has this. We’ve been dating for 9 years and around our 3 year relationship he started putting his hand down my panties. I F**KING LOVE IT!!! through out the years it’s been getting worst….. not worst, more like great! Like will have full on sex or oral. He use to do it once a month. But now it’s like every other night or if I move to change the position of my sleep. He’ll turn around and start fingering. I get excited every night before bed. He’ll wake up during the middle of it and he’s not ebarass by it. He enjoys it too. We have a very active sex life but with his sexsomnia it’s even MORE active. Some nights I’ll wake up to him fucking my mouth and I’ll wake him up and it’s funny seeing him all confused and fall back to sleep. He is sometimes rough but I don’t mind it at all. But most times he’s the sweetest thing ever. He is super gentle and sweet. I say ‘this is an awesome perk’. If there was a “human achievement” like “Xbox achievement” I’d give my boyfriend the “amazing sexsomnia” award.

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  98. Ugh Says:

    Is it possible that some people who have this are just straight sex addicts? So much so that their subconscious mind will do whatever it takes to ensure they’re getting sex even while asleep?

    My boyfriend does this, not very frequently, but when it happens I feel violated and like it’s just a release for him and it wouldn’t matter if it were me laying there or not. He has cheated on me in the past, so this probably adds to why the sleep-sex offends me, and I fear and have reason to believe it may have been more than once.

    We can have sex 3 times in a day and he will wake me up, and all I can think is “Are you serious?!…I was sleeping” and then I’ll ask him if he even knows it’s me or if he’s sleeping and he’ll respond as if he’s confused…Last time he said “Why what happened?” and I just gave him a handjob to avoid an argument and he claims he just woke up to a handjob surprise. I honestly think it’s just hyper-sexuality and stems from other issues, because but he always makes excuses why he can’t eat a better balanced diet or try to correct his imbalance. The last time it happened, he just kind of popped up like @dee described and I wasn’t sure if he was awake or not. He says “blow me” and I get upset cuz we just had sex twice that night, and gave eachother oral. He is not sweet and gentle about when we do have sleep sex, he is hard and quick and then he’s done like I’m not worth much else.

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  99. admin Says:

    @Ugh:
    Please don’t blame your boyfriend. Parasomnia has nothing to do with his personality or desires. It is simply a sleep disorder.
    It looks like you have a good active sexlife anyway so he would have no reason to purposefully do it. Please try to understand that he’s just as much a victim as you are.

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  100. TooTired Says:

    After reading all these posts with an open mind, I am curious to know if the partners of the sexomnia notice any other behavioral patterns in there partners like ADHD, ADD, or some other mental disorder. I had recently been diagnosed with ADHD and am taking medication for it (DEFINITELY READ: Is it you, me or Adult ADHD- saved my marriage and my life) and since then, these occurrences had diminished quite a bit. I am not sure if the 2 have any correlation, but I can tell you since taking the meds for ADHD, I have woken up with all of my cloths.

    I would normally go to bed with pjs and under wear, but I would wake up next to my wife nude. I would say this happened about 3-4 times a week. It is quite embarrassing, especially since I have two kids. There had been times when my son was a baby and he’d wake up in the middle of the night for a bottle and before I could get him, I would have to get dressed- waking up nude.

    I do know that, for me anyway, that the more tired I am, the more stress I have, and the more financial worries I have, the less it happens. Which makes sense after reading some of these posts. I also read that when men and women are less stressed, there bodies release more DHEA. This chemical actually increases your libido (in both men and women). Ever since I started the meds, I have been able to piece together my life, becoming less stressed, better financial sound, and can control impulses 100% better. Which is why, for the first time in 5 months of taking my meds, I woke up naked for the first time this morning- thus, why I am here reading.

    My wife and I have sex maybe two times a week (with two small kids, I consider myself lucky- sad compared to hay day, but still lucky). On days that we have sex (GREAT SEX) even if I also masturbate, I would still wake up nude. There is really no concrete explanation on this and good luck asking your therapist. Selfishly enough, I think that if my wife had this, I’d be grinning ear to ear.

    Whatever. Just some useless knowledge for you guys.

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  101. confusedwife Says:

    I am so confused right now, like many others. I have been with my husband for six years. Around may of 2011, I started seeing what I thought were seizes. I soon realized it was my husband dreaming of having sex with someone all night long. Every night the same thing happens, I listen to him moan and groan. Then he begins almost grabbing at the air. He gets this huge smile on his face and does head gestures as if he was agreeing to something. All night I hear and feel the bed moving like it has a battery operated vibration system in it. I did not want to hurt him, when I learned what was happening. I told him bout two months of observations. He was down and depressed for about two days then put it in the back of his head and acted like I was seeing things. A few more months went by and it seems that hate is now growing inside of me. I cannot sleep in the same bed with my husband. We will have sex and he will go to bed and do the same routine, its like a broken record of the same dream playing for nights. I finally had to convince him I wasn’t crazy and I voice recorded with my phone a night of us sleeping, no video. I had a calm conversation and then I played about 30 seconds of it. He confessed that he had not remembered a dream in moths and this is not normal for him. Also,that a few days before I spoke to him about sleep sex, he woke up having sex to me. This was the first time this had happened in the five months I had been watching this. I knew he was sleeping that night, due to the sounds he always makes. Oddly enough, that night he slept with jeans and a belt on just to prove me wrong. He woke up naked having sex with me and knew I wasn’t crazy, but he wont get help. He deflects what is going on and I am on the edge of just going. I cannot take this. It kills to watch your husband having sex mentally with someone for seven hours everyday and you know it is not you. I am so lost and counselling is out of the question for him. He wont talk about it to me, so why would he with someone else. I need a MAN’s point of view. Do you know what is going on in your mind? Some say if they pop up at of nowhere that they were about to orgasm and woke up. If this happens the person is aware of who they are dreaming of. If there are wives that can help me too, I need some else to help me, since my husband doesn’t not seem to care how this is ruining us and our relationship. This is the 3rd night this week I have not slept at all. I have3 had eight months of this. My anniversary was spent watching my husband moaning and groaning to a bed., not his wife. Please help me.

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  102. confusedwife Says:

    Paul,

    I do not know if you will see this, but I know how you feel about the JOKE thing. I asked a question in yahoo answers and the people who answered were so uneducated and started joking about it. To me, this is my life and everyday I have moaning and groaning that never stops. My husband had to share a hotel room with a coworker, another manager for an away meeting. I was so scared for him. I hear the noises and can see through the light that shines in our room what he is doing, by himself. It is not funny. It is scary for the one that has it and hard for the partner that has to accept it. My hardest part with this is knowing it is not me he is thinking about. That drives me nuts. I get sex twice a week, but you go all night long. We have been trying to have a baby and at forty and pulling on your parts for 7 hours, I dont see how I am going to have kids.

    It’s not a joking matter and too many people do not get that.

    Everyone, thank you for you posts. Only though others writing n this posting will people, like me at the end, be able to see some light. Please write back with anything that has worked for you. My husband will not take meds, if he is overly tired it is worse and when he drinks, maybe once a month, it is worse. He never walked or talked in his sleep, so I do not understand after forty years of life this had to put our marriage on the end of breaking,

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  103. confusedwife Says:

    By the way UGH, my husband is. He actually masturbates in the daytime, all the time. I never knew about it until about a year ago and it is a close thing he does. He uses it to relieve stress and learned at a young age it worked and has done it ever since, so the two can be there. He is never unfaithful and I completely trust that, she just handles stress differently.

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  104. steph Says:

    Admin,
    Can you answer this for me? My husband has this and he is in a highly stressful business position. He is on call 24/7 and until i am done with my masters, he has to continue. I know lack of sleep and stress makes sexsomnia worse. I haven’t been sleeping with my husband for nearly a month. I got to the bedroom, have him fall a sleep and then go out to the couch. The moaning is so load abnd his body movements make the bed shake when it supposed to be a motionless bed. Im lost. Lik d many others, i just need sleep. My huzband and i have been together a long time. I dont understand how this started and has increased. I worry for him, since he doesnt want to talk about it. I ha been reading anything i could put my eyes on and pulled together the definition,some stories an then a support let to let him know how much i care about him. I am really trying to understand this is a sleep disorder, not” he is thing of another woman”. He finally has admitted he has it, since he woke up while having sex with me.

    How can i lower his stress level? His work is so demanding and he is miserable there, then we bogh are uncomfortable going to bed, now. He never has sleep walked, never talked in his sleep. Now 30 some odd years he has this and we are drifting apart.

    I have educated us, but i am so tired. I also just want to sleep with my husband in the same bed. Has anything helped you? Do you remember anything about your dreams? He has ghe same moaning patterns every night. It is like he has the same dream over and over all night with no stopping. Anything wkuld help. Thanks.

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  105. Notagoodnight Says:

    After reading almost every single comments on this website about sexsomina/parasomina sufferers and their partners, honestly I’m relieved and also very concerned at the same time.

    My boyfriend suffers from this, we have been together for almost three years and it used to happen more in early stage of our relationship but even when it happens now it’s never gotten easier for me. I think it usually happens if we haven’t had sex that night (usually he would say he feels horny)/he feels extra tired before he goes to sleep. Then around 2 to 3am, I would be abruptly awaken by him jumping on top of me with his pants down, forcing his penis down on my mouth. I get very annoyed (I used to be excited when it first happened and for awhile I often went along with it but because he started to get violent as well like slapping, choking and swearing, I then stopped finding his behaviour less amusing/sexy) and tried to ignore it by pretending I’m asleep or push him away. I’ve told him about it and at first he thought that I was joking but he started to googling about it and told me it could be sleep disorder. He has no recollection of what he had done or said when it happens and apologies for what had happened. When we first found out and had talked about it, he suggested slapping him to wake him up or turning the lights on and run away from him. Didn’t help much because he was talking back to me saying that he was awake and funny thing was his eyes were open!!! It doesn’t happen like often as other people have said on this website but whenever it happens it ruins my sleep, mood and fucks up my brain trying to figure out what’s him or not him. I read up more on this topic and research suggests that he could be caused by ADHD (I think he’s either this or bipolar) or stress(he’s stressed all the time!!) and also this disorder may lead to Parkinsons or dementia. I love my boyfriend and I don’t want this to become between us affecting our relationship. I suggested seeing a doctor but at the moment he’s not taking it that seriously. I’m scared because if I imagine our future, especially in terms of having kids etc…….I don’t think I would cope if he does it while I’m pregnant or sleeping with our newborn….Every time it happens now, I’m really considering about leaving him because when it happens I feel really depressed and can’t get back to sleep thinking how long I’d be willing to put up with his behaviour at night. It affects my work, studies and certainly my sex drive. I’m thinking to have a serious discussion about it with him tonight. Not sure what to do.

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  106. Reggie Says:

    Always knew there had to be other people with this issue. It is embarrassing, and dangerous. I have woken up in the middle of intercourse with female friends numerous times. I am married now and my wife is not happy with the midnight molesting. I usually only wake up when she is yelling at me to stop. Most of the time I dont wake up at all. Is this a site for advice? I have always had sleeping issues(insomnia, sleep walking, knodding out while talking to people). I feel like a pervert. Is this site just for griping or is there help to be found here?

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  107. Girlfriend of sufferer Says:

    Now I know what my boyfriend has. One night, we were sleep together and I awoke to find him going downtown on me. I was half asleep so I kicked him away and fell back to sleep. Some time later in our sleep, I woke up again to find my shirt up and him sucking on my breasts. I was very embarrassed because we were sleeping with others in the room.

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  108. Girlfriend of sufferer Says:

    My boyfriend has this. One night, we were sleeping together and I awoke to find him going downtown on me. I was half asleep so I kicked him away and fell back to sleep. Some time later in our sleep, I woke up again to find my shirt up and him sucking on my breasts. I was very embarrassed because we were sleeping with others in the room. In the morning, I confronted him about it and he denied everything, even thinking that I was joking. I was upset about it and doubted his motives because he’s very intimate with me even in public. Now I know better. :)

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  109. Worried Says:

    Just last night I remember falling asleep cuddling with my spouse. Then all of a sudden I wake up to her yelling EWW! You a are sick, disgusting person! I have no knowledge yet of what exactly I was doing but this time I do recall being in some awkward dream. I used to wake up with the girls I dated to hear them say something along the lines of “Well last night was unexpected” or with some “You really made me uncomfortable trying to have sex with me last night” this was a few years ago that I would hear things like this. Last night was the first time I can recall this happening in a very long time. Now that I have a beautiful daughter with my spouse I am so scared that this will push my wife away. I doubt she will believe in this disease our whatever it is called. I am so embarrassed.

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  110. Becky Says:

    So this is to Kiara, and also anyone else who wonders if this is real;

    I have read some of these, and it sounds like a majority of the ones with the sexomnia is men. I am a woman, and have this happen quite often, as my husband trys to wake me, or asks me if I remember anything I did once I am awake. He tells me I masturbate, and do the actual motions, such as the moaning, and even says he thinks I am having an orgasm. I can sometimes barely remember this, but have remembered things as the actual masturbating, or talking in my sleep. It is sometimes embarrasing, although my husband seems to think I prefer having more fun when I am asleep. I do believe this is an actual disorder, and feel sorry for anyone who has been molested , and really feel these people do need some studies done and get some help. I just wonder why this seems to happen more when I am alseep, although I think I have a “normal” active sex life with my husband too. Should I be worried? Do I need to get this checked out? Good luck to everyone else!

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  111. Becky Says:

    Kiara: I think this disorder is a load of BS!! i have been the unfortunate Person who was Molested because of this stupid and obviously made up Disorder, its the same as frickin restless leg syndrome which i also think is a stupid disorder that isnt real , hell i have a real disorder, Not some disorder that your brain invented because you masterbated too much and now your brain thinks you need it all the time.This is so stupid , you know what .. if any doctor can message me and give me irrefutable proof that this ” Sexomnia” crap is real, Maybe i will think about not pressing charges on on of my roommates. Cuz i am an Epileptic , and my brain actually freaks out and makes my body seize! so when it comes to this sex sleep stuff i think you are ALL full of CRAP!!!!

    Hello Kiara;

    I sent a response of my own, and just wanted to say that this is a real sleep disorder. You may able to try and prove that your roommate made up his actions, but I can’t say since I or anyone else wasn’t there to know what all happened. I do know though, that I have actual dreams where I act out as though I am having sex with someone, and will actually masturbate in my sleep, and my husband can testify to this. I can sometimes feel as though I just had sex too, when I am just waking up. So I think most of the people on here do have this “sexomnia” disorder, just that it varies with some as to the extent, and if it involves others. Mine seems to be with myself. I hope you have been able to get this solved, or figured out.
    B.M.

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  112. joey Says:

    Hi there,
    I’m researching a programme for BBC Radio Four about night time and intimacy. We’re hoping to explore sexomnia, If you’re a sexomniac or your partner is, I’d love to hear from you – pop me a message at joey_morris@btinternet.com and I can explain more. All messages treated with strictest confidence..thanks.

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  113. confusedwife Says:

    Notagoodnight,

    I love the name, because it is so true. Who really gets a goodnight of sleep with this. I noticed you and others have connected the increase in sleep sex,if you do not have sex. I really wish in a way that was true for me. There is no break in my household. It doesn’t matter if my husband and I have. Sex. He still passes out right when we finish and it starts a first snore. I went to his parents house last week and I was so scared for

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  114. confusedwife Says:

    Notagoodnight,

    I love the name, because it is so true. Who really gets a goodnight of sleep with this. I noticed you and others have connected the increase in sleep sex,if you do not have sex. I really wish in a way that was true for me. There is no break in my household. It doesn’t matter if my husband and I have. Sex. He still passes out right when we finish and it starts a first snore. I went to his parents house last week and I was so scared for him. He was so tired he passed out in my arms on the couch. He started doing his thing and I woke him up quickly and got him in the bedroom. I still don’t think he knows how much I try to protect him. I love input, so if you need to talk to someone… I will be here.

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  115. confusedwife Says:

    Reggie,

    If you need to see another wife’s side I will be glad to answer anything you want me too. I think everyone came here for advice. I looked at this site many times last year and never wrote. The people that are having a hard time need support. Some are lucky and they like it, but so many of us are so confused. I will check daily to see if you need a females view point.

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  116. Tammy Says:

    I don’t even know where to begin. About 8 months ago my husband claims that i started masterbaiting in my sleep. We have been married for 6 years and this is the first time I have been told that. Backing up and giving a little history he has been taking oxycotin for 8 years prescribed by a pain dr. He used to cut them in half. He also drinks nothing but sweet tea and dr. peppers all day. On top of that he is on testosterone shots. They changed the formula of the oxy and now you can not cut them in half so it was at that point he said he thought he might have ADHD. Well I am convinced he does not because if he did he could not focus at work and do the type of job he does well. He went to dr knowing what med he wanted and did not tell them what all he was on they gave him vyvanse. Two weeks after taking it that is when all this began. I did a sleep study they found nothing. But because my husband swears I am doing this I am on medication. But he claims the meds dont work so now im on two and he still says my condition is worse. He has moved out of the bedroom about 7 monthes ago he gets up in the night and comes and checks on me. I am not saying I dont have this but I find it odd that it would just appear. Also he tells me that it is very disturbing to him and that I am doing this on purpose and the Dr.’s dont’t know what they are talking about. He accusses me of dreaming about someone else but im so druged up now when i go to sleep all i remember is going to bed and waking up. I did research on vyvanse and one of the side effects of it if you dont need it is hallucinations, phycosis, and paranoia. And because of Hippa laws I cant talk to his dr’s. I don’t know if I have this or not but it seems that everything the dr is doing that treats it according to my husband isnt working Help!!!!!! I feel like I am going crazy he said if I dont fix it hes leaving cause he thinks im doing this on purpose is it me or vyvanse?

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  117. Nicola Says:

    I think my boyfriend has this x this is not the first time x but last night I was asleep and I woke up to find him with his hand in my pants rubbing me x I froze I did not know what to do x I was just thinking he was a complete idiot as the week b4 same thing happened and we ended up in a full blown argument about it x I argued with him saying he was being disrespectful and I felt really upset and hurt by his actions x to find him doing it again I was so upset x after a few minutes he seemed to move away very fast and as far from me as possible x I brought it up in the morning saying how he had the nerve to do this again to me x and he said he could not recall doing this but he said he did wake finding his hand down my pants x I don’t know what to believe to be honest because he has done this to me being fully aware x he did say that this gas happened with previous partners

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  118. lucy Says:

    Hi, I was very interested in all your previous comments and thought yiu might be interested to know that I have sexomnia and so does my boyfriend, its very confusing! I just wondered if anyone else has expierienced this?

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  119. advicerequired Says:

    Why is there no support system for the partners?
    I have been with my partner for 2.5 years, we’re both 29. I have a higher sex drive than he does, combined with low self esteem, this has caused arguments in the past. As I get iritable as I’m frustrated and hurt I’m being rejected.
    Matters have been made worse however in the past 3 months since he has started masterbating in his sleep. It initially was once a week maybe. Now from 2/3am it’s all night. Every night.
    At first he didn’t believe me, and I assumed he was aware but embarrassed. He finally believed me when I wrote it down.
    I initially tried sleeping on the sofa, but found we felt more distant from eachother. I’ve tried moving back into the bed, on the basis that I would turn over and hug him which would stop him. However, it just isn’t practical being woken from my sleep 3 plus times a night and he gets frustrated being woken, he thinks Im imagining it half the time. It also makes me feel like I’m not enough for him. I want sex every day, Ideally for him twice a week. So he turns me down daily and proceeds to continue an active sex life in his sleep. Dreaming of whoever else, as he doesn’t want it with me. I’ve even tried to get involved when he’s doing it – but he wakes up and pushes me off saying he’s tired and wants to sleep. Sure enough 30 minutes later, he’s fast asleep and doing it again, me left rejected, and aroused and therefore frustrated.
    So now I am back on the sofa. It’s hard as we’re an affectionate couple and I want him next to me when I wake up and when I go to sleep. Which is the lesser of two evils? Not sleeping together & the last thing on my mind at night being that he can’t control his subconscious desires which I can’t fulful? Or being woken to witnessing him satisfying himself and not allowing me to participate? I think the sofa is less detrimental to my self-esteem and more sleep is healthier.
    I love him. I appreciate he has no control, and we talk openly about the matter and we try to be supportive of eachothers position. However we’re both concerned our relationship wont be strong enough.
    How can this situation be improved?

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  120. Concerned GF Says:

    Hi, I am 21 and my boyfriend is 22. My boyfriend has been waking me up talking extremely dirty and pressing his groin against me. I mean like super dirty, and his words are plain as day, he sounds wide awake! I am usually suddenly woken up so I am a little groggy. I used to get excited but every time he would start to mumble and start to appear a little ‘off’ so I would see if he was okay and this would lead to discovering he’s asleep. Tonight it was the same thing but this time he started climbing on top of me, I had a gut feeling and tested him and he was asleep! He didn’t remember anything and was really annoyed I had woken him up. We were both each others firsts so he’s never had this problem before with anyone. As his girlfriend what should I do and how should I be supportive of him? Is this what he has?

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  121. Elijah Says:

    is it genetic like say two people have it in the same house?

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  122. Both blessed. Says:

    Last night was the second time in 4 years it has happend that we know about…i dont think we do it and dont remember it,but we do wake up while we add it…we dont just stop when we relise whats happening we just carry on…we never knew this abou each other or about ourselves…but today we kinda just both said , oi last night was nice, he replied and said i think i was dreaming half way thru, so i did not feel bad saying the same..Why does it happen though? Do you dream about it and get so lived into the dream that u just do it? And why has it not happend with anyone alse. but twice in one year to us, in the four we have been together? Hes got a verry high sex drive ,,,verry high, and me, well im totally oppisite but then why does it happen to the both of us – at the same time??????????

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  123. sue Says:

    i am a female and aged 41 i was sexualy abused as a child during the night, and as an adult i had no interest in sex with my then husband, but now i am in a relatonship with a great man we have a fantastic sexual relationship, i am fully satisfied sexualy by him, but wen i go to sleep i instantly start to masterbate this happens on average of abt 4 nights a week, i have no memory of this, it is causing problems for my partner. he is not sleeping properly, i have an extremely high sex drive, he dont, even when we have had a session b4 we go to sleep i still do it, PLEASE HELP, i dont want to do this but i have no control of my actions

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  124. susan Says:

    i am a female and i have a problem i want to stop, and i dont know how to make it stop, i am in a happy relationship with a wondefull amn. he is very understanding of the situation, I am a compulsive masterbater whilst i am sleeping, it is causing rows with my partner not that iam doing it but because it wakens him several times a night, it has got gradualy worse, i am unaware of this only he tells me, as he is extremely left feeling tired of a day time now, i dont want to do this but i am so embarased to go and c my gp, as my gp is a christian, i am a victim of childhood sexual abuse that i have learnt to live with, i am desperate to make this stop, i hate not knowing that i am not in control of my actions whilst i am sleeping, PLEASE HELP ME,

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  125. Te Jay Says:

    I glad to know im not alone. I hope what i’m about to write helps someone. of course i have suffered from the same thing. only now that i have read almost all this entire post i realized what my condition was called. i wont get into what all i did to my wife while i was asleep because as you all can see its a repeated action over and over again with numerous people all across the world. when my wife would tell me what i was doing to her even as of a couple months ago i would feel shame, because even though she wasnt trippin, i felt wrong to me. so i started paying attention to myself. My overly sexed mind started as a kindergardener, my grand father was also addicted to sex and he had numerous flicks under the bed. Of course i watched and every since the first day that i popped that flick in, not knowing what it was, my mind has be programmed for sex! Anytime, anywhere, with almost any lady! I was blessed to be a athlete and handsome like my grandfather which made my desire to have sex effordless, needless to say i have four kids with 3 different women(two with my wife). anyway, a couple months back i decided to do something i never thought i could,stop consuming sex, whether it be from porn, pictures, tv, magazines, or even stopping to look at the nice booty at the local wal mart! You would not believe how many different ways sex is thrown at a person! but anyway, i found that when i didnt allow those images to enter my spirit and did not give in to my old habbits, i found that i stop waking my wife. I actually became my loving in our sleep(the funny thing is i can actually remember being loving in my sleep, but not when im waking her for sex??????) Im not religous by a long shot but it does feel a little demonic! on a side note since i stopped all the porn my attitude is a lot better as well. i dont want to diagnose someone, but if you dont know how to handle your situation and you love your spouse try not watching porn or consuming any sex besides with that person for a couple weeks then reevaluate your situation!whew dont like typing this much. excuse the errors, hope all this helps someone!

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  126. sue Says:

    Tammy:
    I don’t even know where to begin. About 8 months ago my husband claims that i started masterbaiting in my sleep. We have been married for 6 years and this is the first time I have been told that. Backing up and giving a little history he has been taking oxycotin for 8 years prescribed by a pain dr. He used to cut them in half. He also drinks nothing but sweet tea and dr. peppers all day. On top of that he is on testosterone shots. They changed the formula of the oxy and now you can not cut them in half so it was at that point he said he thought he might have ADHD. Well I am convinced he does not because if he did he could not focus at work and do the type of job he does well. He went to dr knowing what med he wanted and did not tell them what all he was on they gave him vyvanse. Two weeks after taking it that is when all this began. I did a sleep study they found nothing. But because my husband swears I am doing this I am on medication. But he claims the meds dont work so now im on two and he still says my condition is worse. He has moved out of the bedroom about 7 monthes ago he gets up in the night and comes and checks on me. I am not saying I dont have this but I find it odd that it would just appear. Also he tells me that it is very disturbing to him and that I am doing this on purpose and the Dr.’s dont’t know what they are talking about. He accusses me of dreaming about someone else but im so druged up now when i go to sleep all i remember is going to bed and waking up. I did research on vyvanse and one of the side effects of it if you dont need it is hallucinations, phycosis, and paranoia. And because of Hippa laws I cant talk to his dr’s. I don’t know if I have this or not but it seems that everything the dr is doing that treats it according to my husband isnt working Help!!!!!! I feel like I am going crazy he said if I dont fix it hes leaving cause he thinks im doing this on purpose is it me or vyvanse?

    HI my name is Sus
    I am a sufferer of sexomnia myself i have been for as long as i can remember i am now 41 yrs and in a very happy relationship, my parter is understanding of my situation luckily, i masterbate all night on and off every night, i moan and groan, i know nothing of my actions wen its happening often enough i keep my boyfriend awake but he enjoys just laying there listening to me, and tells me about it the following morning, ;) I dont want this to happen, i am awaiting an appointment with my GP to c if he can help me either stop it or to help me understand y this is happening, i am affraid of stopping over with friends at thier house in case i do it there, it can b rather embarasing, i never involve my partner except i believe i rub his leg during the eppisode, occationaly if i am lucky he will waken me and join me in my play time, which is nice but i just wish it didnt happen full stop, i hate not being in control of my actions,

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  127. Steve Says:

    Right this isn’t easy to say but I on 2 occasions have had sex with my partner in my sleep. The first time I can’t remember at all but the second my partner was full on hitting me to get me to stop and when I come round I was on top of her and couldn’t remember at all what I was doing. I am currently in the royal navy and am being discharged under medical grounds because of an unknown neurological problem as I have have had fits and am unfit for duty.. My partner isn’t as tolerant with this as some that I have read and has a few times called me a rapist. I love her so much and don’t blame her for saying it but I can’t go on knowing that I do it an what she thinks of me. I have been taking epilim chronology for my undiagnosed problem which has stemmed the fits and makes me feel all around alot better. I will also add I am a very deep sleeptalker and sleeper. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

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  128. Steve Says:

    Sorry both times I have had been drinking the night before since the second time I haven’t drunk any more than 2 or 3 on nights out because of the worry.

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  129. livio Says:

    My wife is pregnant for a while now, so i dont get much sex but she told me more than once in the morning that i tried to have sexual intercorse the night before,i am worried i might harm her pregnancy.My question is: do you think that abstinence or lack of sex might cause these episodes? THANK YOU. Roman

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  130. Jen Says:

    I can see this happening a lot between the sufferer and his partner…but my case seems a little different. My best friends have been dating each other for years, and they always seem into each other. Very lovey-dovey. We usually go out and what not. Sometimes we drink quite a bit. But everytime i stay over from being too drunk to drive, jason starts to have sex with ME, and not his girlfriend. Taking off my clothes and everything. This seems to only happen when he drinks. Talk about awkward. Its so hard to explain, and i dont think he believes me that its happening. I cant tell his girlfriend because she is my best friend, and i feel like she would never talk to either of us again. What can i do?

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  131. Brooke Says:

    Hey everyone,
    Okay so i have noticed that most of the people who have sexsomnia are male, well I’m a female and I think that i have this…For me I feel that it is really embarassing, and lately i have lost sleep over it because i feel ashamed of this. I dont want to sleep because i dont want this to happen. My boyfriend informed me just a few days ago of me waking him up because i was playing with myself, he said he just nudged me and i pulled my pants up and went back to sleep. i dont remember this at all and it freaks me out, i had been realzing that i have been waking up and being quite wet every now and then and extrememly horny. My boyfriend says he thought it was funny, but it makes me feel sick thinking about it.So far he says it has only happened once, and did happen the night after i had drank, and hardly had any sleep. and i also had taken some tylenal PM… could this have anything to do with it? And also another question… could sexsonmia lead to sex addiction or sex addiction lead to sexsomnia or anything like that… because i have a very very high sex drive and want it like all the time… so why would i try to be pleasuring myself at night?
    even though i love my boyfriend very much, im still very embarassed about this and dont want him to bring it up again, i dont want to sleep in the same bed anymore, with anyone at all… and im scared that would start causing problems.. can anyone answer my questions? Also feel free to email me on this topic at candycane[underscore]ram[at]hotmail[dot]com
    i would love to have someone to talk to about all of this…

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  132. Dave Says:

    After waiting nearly a year and a half I finally got my NHS appointment only to be told that I have a suspected REM sleep disorder. Suspected?! Anyway, I’m being sent off for tests, so will keep you all informed of any conclusions that are made. I’d be interested to hear if anyone else has been treated for this condition already?
    Am I correct in thinking I am still the only one here that is semi-concious during an episode? I see my girlfriend, but don’t recognise her; it’s always some other girl that I’m ‘dreaming’ about. In the morning I’ll remember it like a dream and 75% of the time it’s me telling my girlfriend about what I was doing the night before.

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  133. Jake Says:

    Hello I’m a 22 year old male, and like many 22 year old men I enjoy having lots of sex. I have been dating my current girlfriend for 3 years now, and about 30 months ago I woke up while having very aggressive sex with her. To my surprise the next morning I found out I initiated it. This kind of scared me, but I also thought it was pretty cool too at the time. Then about 2 years ago I woke up to her yelling at me about how I was being very persistent with her about having sex after she had told me no. This is when I really got freaked out because I had no knowledge of the event. This brings me to today for the last year and a half I have been having episodes almost weekly where I try to force myself onto my girlfriend while I’m asleep. I do not like this at all. She understands that I do this when I’m asleep, but that doesn’t mean it hasn’t been having negative effects on our relationship. It would really hurt me if I lost her because of sleep sexing, so I want to know what I can do to fix my problem or calm it down. I never have wet dreams, so this seemed even more strange to me. My biggest fear is that I’ll be in a position one day when I’m sleeping next to a friend or relative and have an outburst. It would ruin me. Please help I’m concerned I have a serious case.

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  134. sue Says:

    Brooke:
    Hey everyone,
    Okay so i have noticed that most of the people who have sexsomnia are male, well I’m a female and I think that i have this…For me I feel that it is really embarassing, and lately i have lost sleep over it because i feel ashamed of this. I dont want to sleep because i dont want this to happen. My boyfriend informed me just a few days ago of me waking him up because i was playing with myself, he said he just nudged me and i pulled my pants up and went back to sleep. i dont remember this at all and it freaks me out, i had been realzing that i have been waking up and being quite wet every now and then and extrememly horny. My boyfriend says he thought it was funny, but it makes me feel sick thinking about it.So far he says it has only happened once, and did happen the night after i had drank, and hardly had any sleep. and i also had taken some tylenal PM… could this have anything to do with it? And also another question… could sexsonmia lead to sex addiction or sex addiction lead to sexsomnia or anything like that… because i have a very very high sex drive and want it like all the time… so why would i try to be pleasuring myself at night?
    even though i love my boyfriend very much, im still very embarassed about this and dont want him to bring it up again, i dont want to sleep in the same bed anymore, with anyone at all… and im scared that would start causing problems.. can anyone answer my questions? Also feel free to email me on this topic at candycane[underscore]ram[at]hotmail[dot]com
    i would love to have someone to talk to about all of this…

    brook
    like urself i am female and i am the same only i do it all night every night, i have been to c my gp and he has refared me to pychiatry over this, he seems to think like myself that there is a problem deep in the back of my mind, i hate doing what i am doing, i dont remember any of this what so ever just my bf tells me, we have a giggle ablout it during r waking hrs but as time goes on i am becoming more daring i used to hide it even though i was asleep but now he tells me that i no longer hide it, i caress his leg as i am masterbating in my sleep, at 1st it scared me, but we have come to realise there is nothing we can do about it, my bf is very supportive of my situation, and i love him so much for understanding, u have no reason to b embarased, but my fear i have is if i go out on the bus (i dont drive) i have a habbit of falling asleep and my sexomnia starts within 30 seconds of me falling asleep, i am afraid that if i am out on bus alone and i fall asleep i will start to do what i would normaly do in my own bed, i cant bare the thought of someone watching me or even worse recording me on the video of thiere mobile phone, i cant and wont stay over at anyones house either, but my advise to u is to go and c ur gp, either that or just learn to live with it, u have it and to fight it often makes it worse, sexomnia is an illness, yes its an embarasingillness but if its just u that u playing with u aint hurting no-one, feel free to email me, my email address is susanfeatherstone@yahoo.co.uk
    good luck

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  135. KC Says:

    So much I could put about this! This ruined my marriage and family. I had always put the odd occasion of waking up to ‘doing it’ down to going to bed thinking about it. However last year I had changed my job and other stuff had made life very stressful. It then started to become a much bigger problem. I would find myself waking up trying to do things to my wife more and more. She put up with it and only confronted me on a few occasions – she always thought i was lying about not knowing what I was doing. Then one day it became to much for her. She had had bad experiences in her past with ex boyfriends and she simply saw this as me sexually abusing her. I spoke to my doctor about it and got a completely negative reaction. My wife was my world and tbh still is.. but this is a relationship and marriage killer as no professionals really acknowledge it and the partner who really suffers from it may not and probably won’t accept that their partner is asleep.

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  136. Charles Hunt Says:

    I’m so grateful for sites like this that give me support and let me share my experiences with other sufferers. My life was nearly destroyed by this. At the time (13 years ago) there was no support groups or web sites to learn about this. Fortunately my doctor sent me to a expert on sleep disorders. For some history, since I was in my early 20′s (I’m 47 now), I would occassionally have unexplained sleep behavior such as awakening to find myself in a different room of the house or to find my girlfriend yelling at me to stop touching her. But it was rare enough to live with and sorta ignore. However, in my 30′s, I began to sleep masterbate more frequently and agressively. I was only aware of the behavior because my wife at the time would tell me the next morning. Sometimes she would say that woke me and I stopped but I never remembered this so I can only assume I was never fully awake. We both knew it was something I couldn’t help so we tried to just deal with it. That all changed when her sisters family spent a week with us one summer. A few weeks after returning home, my wifes sister called to tell her that I had sneaked into her room and attempted to pull off her pajama pants. My wife furiously confronted me and I denied it. It was after hours of discussing the details that we came to understand that this was a sleep sex episode: I had sleep-walked into her room and attempted to pull her pants off, all while asleep! My wife initially had a difficult time convincing her sister but she eventually understood as she learned more about the history and my signs of sexual sleep behavior over the years. The sleep disorder doctor said that it’s not uncommon for these disorders to go largely unnoticed or swept under the rug until something bad happens. There’s so much still unknown about these parasomnias. Fast forward to today and things are good at home. I have not had any sleep sex episodes (that we know of) for years and medication and therapy have greatly helped (the meds help supress the sleep behavior and the therapy has helped me cope with the fear/shame). Life changes a bit. For instance, I have to inform anyone in the house of this history and for a while my wife and I slept in separate bedrooms until we were sure that the treatment worked. One thing to note is that we do think that stress and depression were “triggers” for the episodes.

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  137. Jasmine Says:

    I really need help. My husband has informed me that I have been masturbating in my sleep. he says that awake when doing it but when he tells me I has no recollection of it at all. I dont know what to do to stop it. please help

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  138. Taf42 Says:

    Kiara:
    I think this disorder is a load of BS!! i have been the unfortunate Person who was Molested because of this stupid and obviously made up Disorder, its the same as frickin restless leg syndrome which i also think is a stupid disorder that isnt real , hell i have a real disorder, Not some disorder that your brain invented because you masterbated too much and now your brain thinks you need it all the time.

    This is so stupid , you know what .. if any doctor can message me and give me irrefutable proof that this ” Sexomnia” crap is real, Maybe i will think about not pressing charges on on of my roommates. Cuz i am an Epileptic , and my brain actually freaks out and makes my body seize! so when it comes to this sex sleep stuff i think you are ALL full of CRAP!!!!

    Your an asshole!
    My own husband would rape me in my sleep. He was sound asleep, I’d wake up to him violently fucking me. He was unconscious of what was happening. He was sleeping, you just because you don’t have it. It’s not happening to you. Doesn’t mean others are not suffering. And by the way it wasn’t him that suffered. It was me. Your a dick!!!!

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  139. Holly Says:

    Hi Terri,

    I truly hope you have been able to come to terms with your fiance’s condition & that you have a beautiful wedding & share a wonderful life together.

    I may be wrong but I don’t think that there is any real need for concern about your daughter. I don’t believe that a person who has no sexual desire towards children would make any sort of sexual advance on a child simply because they are asleep.

    As a sufferer of sexsomnia, I think that on some level our subconscious can still differentiate between our sexual preferences.

    I say this because the vast majority of cases seem to occur within relationships. Although there are cases where people have been raped or violated in some way, I believe the sexsomniac would commit these acts on a person they may normally have some level of sexual attraction to. I believe this based on all the comments that sufferers and their partners are making. Most occurrences remain within the relationship, as this where there is generally a higher level of sexual attraction.

    If our subconscious could not differentiate in this way then what other explanation is there for the lack of comments from heterosexuals having episodes with a person of the same sex or vice versa, or to a greater extreme, sexsomniacs making advances on other family members such as brothers, sisters, parents or their own children?

    If you have no reason to believe that your fiance may have a sexual attraction towards your daughter then you should have no reason to believe that his condition will change that.

    I hope this is helpful to you.

    Holly x

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  140. NoCake Says:

    Woah I think have this as well! . Quite often I have sex dreams and I have pleasure sensations which wake me up and I discover I’ve been masturbating in my sleep. When I am awake I can’t get any enjoyment from masturbation but if I am asleep I can bring myself to orgasm My boyfriend tells me quite often he wakes up in the morning and I have my hand down my pj shorts.
    So strange.

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  141. while.i.was.sleeping Says:

    Kiara:
    I think this disorder is a load of BS!! i have been the unfortunate Person who was Molested because of this stupid and obviously made up Disorder, its the same as frickin restless leg syndrome which i also think is a stupid disorder that isnt real , hell i have a real disorder, Not some disorder that your brain invented because you masterbated too much and now your brain thinks you need it all the time.

    This is so stupid , you know what .. if any doctor can message me and give me irrefutable proof that this ” Sexomnia” crap is real, Maybe i will think about not pressing charges on on of my roommates. Cuz i am an Epileptic , and my brain actually freaks out and makes my body seize! so when it comes to this sex sleep stuff i think you are ALL full of CRAP!!!!

    Kiara,

    I’m so very sorry to hear about what you have been through.

    I make no excuse for anyone who rapes a person whilst asleep. Rape is still rape whether intentional or not, awake or not. It is no different to someone with a multiple personality disorder raping someone whilst one of their multiple personalities is in control.

    I have just learnt that I too suffer from this disorder, a disorder I never previously knew existed, so I can empathise with a person who has this disorder. It is scary to think that we can act out in such a way with no knowledge of what we are doing.

    At the end of the day, a victim of rape should never be brushed off because of any sort of medical condition. I don’t believe that any person with this disorder would be at the point of raping someone on their first episode. Based on the above accounts from sexsomniacs and/or their partners, those that have been violent or even forceful had progressed to this point over time. Therefore, any sexsomniac who has raped a person should already be fully aware they have this condition based on previous less intense experiences.

    Any person with this condition who has become violent or cannot be deterred during an episode should take ANY measure necessary to ensure this does not occur. If that means both hands being cuffed or tied to their bed each night so they can still share a bed with their partner, or a single person locking themselves in their room each night and placing the key in a place to difficult to access whilst asleep then so be it. It is simply not good enough to just say “I can’t help it” and continue to put people at risk. Each person needs to take responsibility for their actions and have a serious think about how their actions can impact the lives of others.

    Unfortunately, many people are becoming more and more selfish, irresponsible and inconsiderate over time. Not just in relation to this type of situation but in life in general. This has to stop.

    I urge you to report your rape to the police. Whether through imprisonment or another form of incarceration the man that did this to you deserves to be punished. He may not even genuinely have this condition, but if you report him then measures will be taken by professionals to assess the likelihood of him having sexsomnia and then the courts will be able to determine the punishment/treatment suitable.

    I have only had two experiences of waking up in the middle of sex, but I have had other less intense experiences. Most recently I woke up during sex with my boyfriend of over 8 years. Until this incident I had no idea the condition existed, let alone piecing together my experiences to see that I actually suffer from sexsomnia.

    My other experience of waking up in the middle of sex was when I was only 16. I fell asleep as a virgin, next to someone I had kissed that night, and woke to find him on top of me, having sex with me. For 12 years I have believed I was a victim of rape. I never pressed charges because I considered myself as being partially at fault for not trying to stop him when I woke up (I was very confused and disorientated when I woke up that I really couldn’t think what to do so I just waited for it to finish). Now after all these years I have to come to terms with the fact that any feelings I’ve had of being violated are totally unwarranted. Although I have no memory of how it started, because I was asleep, I can only assume that I had initiated the whole thing. He would have had no idea I was initiating sex in my sleep.

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  142. MissSea Says:

    My boyfriend of six years has sexomnia. I have insomnia and hypersomnia. My hypersomnia started when I started sleeping in the same bed as my boyfriend, but it completely slipped my mind that those two things were related. Well, a few weeks back he took a sleeping pill and I had the best sleep of the past four years and woke up feeling refreshed and energized while I’d normally sleep 12-16 hours or wake up at 10 and still be tired as hell for another 2 to 5 hours, I slept for 7 hours and was wide awake the moment I opened my eyes. We tested it or a while on and off, and true to it, when he’s taking something that makes him sleep harder, I sleep so good.
    On the other side, I would hate for him to become dependent on these pills to make him sleep hard so I can sleep good.
    Maybe we’ll have an old fashion room with two bed. -___-

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  143. Trish Says:

    This was recently brought to my attention from my boyfriend. I’ve stayed with serious boyfriends before and no one has ever said anything to me. I never remember doing it, but I always wake up to my boyfriend either leaving the bedroom or coming back in. Every time he gets in bed and I turn over to curl up to him, he turns his back to me and says “you were doing it again.” He loses sleep over it and his job is draining enough as it is. He’s gotten to the point that he leaves the room for a couple of hours hoping I’ll be done by the time he gets back in bed. Every time he confronts me about it, I never know what to say. He doesn’t believe me when I tell him I don’t remember because he hears me doing soft moaning and can see my eyes fluttering (like I’m about to orgasm). Any advice on how to make me stop?

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  144. Ellie Says:

    I have just started sleeping in the same bed as my husband after a long stint (6 years, 3 kids) in the spare bed in the nursery. His sexsomnia has got really bad since I last slept there. I was hoping it was the novelty of me returning to the bed, although we had an active sex life whilst I was absent, but it’s been weeks and he is having episodes every night. I am trying to be supportive, but honestly i’m finding it hard. I slept in the nursery as all our kids were bad sleepers – he hardly missed any sleep even when they were newborns, whilst I’ve hardly had any! I’m also worried as the kids will still come into our bed – is it possible that he could do something to them? I’m worried sick over this. My husband will be devastated if I suggest this is a possibility.I can’t find any information about this. Help! Please!

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  145. bob Says:

    Hi, i am writing on this forum as an attempt to try and understand what is happening to me. i am a 26 year old male, i am touching myself whilst i am sleeping, i have only just become aware of this and am unsure of how long i have been doing it for.
    I have had two relationships in the past where i was living with a partner (total of about 5 years) and nothing has ever been said about anything like this before.
    I have been with my partner for about 7 months now, about two months ago i woke up at about 4am to my partner getting ready to leave my place, i was confused so i asked her what was wrong, she replied by saying that i was masturbating next to her, i was shocked when she said. i didn’t understand what was going on, i said that as far as i knew i was asleep. When i woke to realise she was leaving i was scared and panicked as i don’t want to lose her, i love this girl so much and have never felt this way about anyone so i need help. We have talked about what has happened and im really nervous about going to sleep next to her :( i have stayed over hers more recently for a few nights here and there, she has told me that i was doing it again, i feel so ashamed, i have done a internet search about sleep masturbation but i really need some advice from someone who is going through something similar. I know the out personal life isn’t affecting anything as we are (active) if that makes sense, i know that when we first found out, she thought she was not giving me enough, i can’t stand the thought of hurting her in this way and its really getting me down.
    I thought things were fine until last two nights ago, we had a really romantic evening witch obviously led to a really great intimate time together, we were cuddling for a while afterwards and i lay awake thinking and holding her hand ect: i then went to the toilet and turned off the light and cuddled up to her @ approximately 4:20 (i remember checking my phone)
    I remember laying there for ages them checked my alarm on my phone, and it was nearly 4:50 i don’t remember falling asleep as i seemed to account for all the time i was there, but i must have as i think i had a dream. The next thing that i remembered was noticing my girlfriend checking her phone as i noticed the light of it, she was awake then sat strait up, i asked her if she was ok but she wasn’t i had done it again.
    I know allot about psychology and dream state, that i can understand, it’s the guilt i have trouble with.
    If anyone can give me some advice, it will be a great help, i don’t feel that comfortable writing this and posting it on the net, it’s taken allot to do this so please don’t post anything harsh.
    Thank you.

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  146. mcmxc Says:

    Frequently happens – even when we’ve already made love for the night.
    Usually 2 hours after falling asleep…
    I used to think I was a sex-freak!
    Lucky my partner is very understanding, and doesn’t get upset!

    Its bloody annoying (for both of us) especially if we’re dead tired and have to work the next day!

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  147. Gee Says:

    This disorder is VERY REAL, And I have it. I have woken up in the middle of intercourse with no clue how it was initiated. I’m always told later that it was me initiating it, and sometimes forcefully. My partner is very understanding. It usually takes place after drinking. The only thing that scares me is that sometimes I will be told that I was pushed away and told no several times, and I’m still persistent, and when I wake up in the morning, I have no recollection this.

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  148. liz Says:

    My husband has been doing strange things in his sleep for the past month he started off by urinating in his sleep with no recollection and has moved to having very engaging and passionate sex with me and having no recollection, even complaining how we haven’t been intimate for a couple weeks when we have been every night. When I tell him he just denies it and tells me I am crazy. There has been no alcohol involved in any incident. I believe he may have sexsomnia. I have been researching this disorder and have found that it can be the cause of molestations of houseguests and children. We have a baby daughter and I am quite concerned about this information for the future when she is older, I’m not really sure if I should be but I would appreciate some advice on how to handle my husband and protect my daughter and any friends she may have over in the future. He is a wonderful man and I don’t believe he would ever willfully engage in sexual conduct with a child but this new information has me worried. Please help.

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  149. BSTAN Says:

    Hi there,
    May I start by saying I have compassionate for the pain and suffering this disorder has caused many people on this site. I am a journalist based in the US looking to do a long form piece on television on sexomnia and hope to bring awareness to our millions of viewers. I’m looking for people who would be courageous enough to share their story. This story will be told in a compassionate thoughtful way free of sensationalism. If you’re interested please contact me at brooke.d.stangeland (at abc dot com)
    Many Thanks,
    Brooke

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  150. Sandra Says:

    Sandra:
    Wow, I cannot believe what I am reading! My boyfriend has served 7 months of a 5 to 10 year sentence for aggravated sexual assault of his daughter. They both fell asleep in his bed while watching TV together, fully clothed. He had been working two jobs and was overly tired. He doesn’t remember it happening, just the fact that he was woken by his daughter’s grip on his wrist.
    I wonder how his lawyer could not have known about this or researched known sleep problems to assist him in his defense. His lawyer talked him into accepting a plea.
    What defense is there now that he has taken a plea? Damn lawyers, they need to be better educated about these occurences!

    corrections made to spelling

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  151. Dan Wilson Says:

    I’ve suffered from this for a while. When I was with my long term girlfriend it wasn’t too much of a problem as she was generally happy to participate but it did freak me out a bit. Sometimes I was in a state of half sleep, sometimes totally unconcious and only found out the morning after. It seemed to be triggered by skin to skin contact and coincided with periods when I was feeling particularly stressed at work. It was also worse after drinking.

    I’d never thought it as a major problem as I’d never been forceful but I had a recent incident whilst sharing a bed with a female friend. We’ve shared a bed together many times and are very close but the other morning I was woken by her saying I had been groping her and forcing her hand down my underwear. She was obviously extremely upset as was I and I don’t know if we’ll be friends again now. We also work together which has made things even more complicated.

    I’ve explained to her I’ve had issues in the past but I don’t quite know what she makes of it, whether I’m just making excuses. I’m absolutely distraught that something like this, that I have no control of has probably lost me one of my closest friends. I have no idea at all where I can go to get help or at least diagnosis in a vain attempt to try and salvage what friendship there might be left. Any direction at all would be greatly appreciated.

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  152. Ash Bogan Says:

    My fiance suffers from this, we’ve been together for a bit over 6 years now and I first noticed it when we were together only a month or two. We were on vacation with his parents and he started rubbing my ‘girly bits’ and I thought he was just trying to get things started so I responded back, the next morning he made a comment about ME initiating sex, that’s then I informed him that he was the one who had gotten things started. That’s been about the most of it for the past several years, and I would either just ignore him until he stopped or I would roll over, a little further out of his reach. BUT in the last couple of months he’s/we’ve had two episodes of full on sex with him being asleep. Both times I felt a little jilted for being “forgettable” until I remembered an episode of Strange Sex featuring sexomnia. My fiance also has sleep apnia and tends to talk in his sleep and has had dreams where he was fighting and has tapped/punched me in his sleep (never enough to hurt me, just enough to wake me up). He has to go back to his doctor to talk about his sleep apnia and have a sleep study done and now I think he should mention his sexual sleeping activities.

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  153. Ash Bogan Says:

    @Liz,
    Having a young son i understand your concern, and this is about the only advice I can give, as long as he hasn’t had any sleepwalking episodes it may help, lay down this ground rule that I have at my house: No Babies In Mommy And Daddy’s Bed. My son crawls in with us long enough to get warmed up on cold nights or calmed down after a night mare then I put him right back to his own bed. Not only because of his daddy’s sexomnia, but I just sleep better with my son in his own bed. Once your daughter is older and old enough to know how to lock and unlock her door, explain the situation to her in a way she can understand, her daddy would never conciously do anything to hurt her, but he can’t help what he does in his sleep, and have her sleep with her door closed and locked. Good luck

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  154. Jack Says:

    Okay. I’m 16, and lately almost every night I am grinding against my girlfriend.
    I cannot remember a thing.
    We don’t often have sex so I was thinking maybe that’s the case (once every 3 weeks). I was talking to my mother about it as she keeps telling me to turn to self satisfaction. I understand it’s a natural thing but I really don’t like doing it.

    I’ve talked to my girlfriend about us not having sex but she thinks that’s not the reason. Help me people.

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  155. Harriet CatersNews Says:

    Hi,

    My name is Harriet, I’m a features writer at a press agency called Caters which is based in Birmingham, UK. I write for national newspapers such as The Daily Mail, The Sun and The Daily Mirror and women’s magazines including Reveal, Closer, Take A Break, Chat, Pick Me Up, Woman, Woman’s Own, Bella and Best among others.

    I am looking to speak to someone (ideally a woman) who suffers from sexsomnia or the partner (female) of someone who has sexsomnia.

    I think this unusual and somewhat rare condition is deserving of more attention and hope the feature will raise awareness of it.

    Please get in touch my email address is harrietrose-gale@catersnews.com.

    Best wishes,

    Harriet

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  156. My Life Is A Mess Says:

    In the past I’ve initiated sex with my now wife. It seems to come and go, but like others, it seems to occur more often after a few drinks.

    We’ve never really spoken about it as I didn’t think it was much of a problem. If she was willing, I’d usually wake up, or if not she’d push me off and I’d usually fall back asleep with no recollection in the morning.

    I met up with some good friends, had a few drinks and ended up sharing a bed with another woman. Everyone else had crashed out on all the other beds, and we were the last to call it a night. I have absolutely no physical attraction to her, and had no intention of doing anything, but was devastated to wake up with my hand down her trousers. She fobbed it off as a drunken encounter which meant nothing, but I am heartbroken that I have not remained faithful to my wife.

    I really don’t know what to do. I don’t want to tell my wife as it will hurt her, but I don’t want to live my life as a lie. I want to go to the doctors to sort it out, but I haven’t had an episode with her for a while.

    I have sought counselling but feel sick all the time.

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  157. Jackie M Says:

    I have sexomnia too, I was tested over weekend watch, and when i found out I was shocked! My boyfriend thought I knew what was going on, and gladly he accepted it and is helping me to try and control myself, I suggest Melatonine, its a natural sleeping aid, and it helps a lot! Hopefully it does for you folks too!!

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  158. doug Says:

    i’ve been in a commited relationship for 12 years now the first occuance i was told about was a couple years ago and has gotten more frequant over the last 9 months or so. At first it didn’t seem to be much of a problem but now it is threatening to tear us apart. She has begun to feel violated and can not be intimate with me at all. She is very understanding about this but cannot change the way she feels and i am scared it is going to cost me the love of my life. I have read all i could find on this matter but cannot find anything to help. We have 3 kids together and she has been my bestfriend for 22 years please any help would be a life saver. unfortunately my employer’s medical coverage is unaffordable, so i can’t really see a doctor about this, and from most of what i have read about this it would be wasted money anyway. i ask those out there who are in a relationship with a suffer to be understanding of your partner and those of you who suffer from this be up front about it with people around you the more it’s talked about the better.

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  159. Jason Says:

    Please help!! Over the past 6 to 12 months I have been waking my wife up by being sexual with her. The problem I have is that I typically have no idea what I am doing. Often, once she starts to get sexual with me, I wake up, normally confused. When I wake up I normally try to roll over and go back to sleep. There have been times in the past that we have had sex and I had no recollection. She normally said I started it. I haven’t seen a lot of instances where people wake up in the middle of an episode and go back to sleep. When I roll over and go back to sleep my wife feels rejected and I can become indignant because I am tired and want to sleep. It is starting to cause trouble. With these symptoms does it seem likely that it is sexsomnia or do I have another problem. What kind of doctor should I see for help?

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  160. NotAProblem Says:

    Sometimes my husband does this (maybe once a month or once every couple of months). We have only been married a year, and the first few times it happened it was awkward because I didn’t know that he was asleep and thought he actually wanted to have sex in the middle of the night when I didn’t really want to, and he didn’t have any recollection of anything happening or thought that I had initiated when I hadn’t, so he didn’t realize that there was any problem.

    I brought it up and we talked about it and he was amazed to find out that he was the one initiating in his sleep and assured me that he never wanted to pressure me to have sex when I didn’t want to. Since we talked about it, there have been no hard feelings whatsoever because I trust him and know that he loves and respects me and would never act out of selfishness. Usually I am so sleepy I push him away and he wakes up and realizes what’s going on and stops and we both go back to sleep and everything’s fine, but occasionally I wake up enough to get really turned on myself and he wakes up and is turned on even more and we have sex and it’s awesome.

    @MyLifeIsAMess, I feel bad for you and empathize with your situation. If my husband had done that, even though it would be really painful to hear, I would want to know about it. I love him so much that I would rather work through it and have him promise me that his heart was mine alone and that he would never again put himself in a position where there was even a possibility of that happening, as opposed to our relationship falling apart because of some dark secret creating a barrier between us without me knowing why. I don’t know your wife though so I can’t guarantee that she will feel the same as me about it. You will just have to figure out what’s the right thing to do and do it in spite of the risk because you know it’s the right thing, and let the chips fall as they may, or else like you say you will be miserable living a lie.

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  161. Michael Says:

    I’ve had this since I was a kid of around 12 years old, night humping was where it started, to the amusement of my brothers! (They made quite a lot of fun of me about it throughout my childhood). These kinds of episodes, hip thrusting in the night, waking myself masturbating and wet dreams continued throughout my childhood, teens and early 20′s. At 21 I moved in with my girlfriend who had already experienced my sexsomnia first hand. She told me I made love to her in the night and I was very loving and gentle, it didn’t bother her, apparently I often don’t “finish the job”. I personally never remember anything about the episodes!

    Now I’m in my late 30′s and I still have episodes, and disorderly sleeping in general.

    The only real worries for me are sleeping with new partners and the obvious chance of an unwanted pregnancy.

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  162. Kermit Says:

    Im a 19 year old guy and my 17 year old girlfriend has sexsomnia , she often does things to herself and tries doing things to me EVERY NIGHT but knows nothing about it , she also has nightmares after she tries to do things everytime :( I searched on the internet about ways to ” cure ” it or sort it out or to just make it less frequent , the only thing thats really been suggested to kindve work is a drug called Clonazepam , but she cant take it , has anyone got any advise at all on how I could help her to prevent her doing this ?

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  163. Louise Says:

    We are making a one off documentary for Channel 4 in the UK about sleep disorders, in particular looking into aspects of parasomnia. We hope to explore how such conditions can affect not only the individual sufferer but also their partners, friends and family. We will also be looking into possible treatments available with some of the UK’s leading experts.
    I would love to speak to anyone who has been affected by this condition. Of course all conversations would be completely confidential with no obligation.
    Kind regards,
    Louise
    Louise[dot]scully[at]rdftelevision[dot]com
    Tel: 0207 013 4170

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  164. Lewis Says:

    im a 20year old lad and i have only in the last 4-5months started to do things to my girlfriend when asleep, she wakes up crying and scared and i dont have a clue about anything that has happened until she tells me. I try to undress her or touch her and sometimes i even wake up naked myself, she says i look very much awake when its happening, she cannot carry on with me anymore as she is scared as its getting worse and more physical, what can i do! I dont want to lose her but i cannot risk hurting her anymore! is there anything at all that i can do to stop this?

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  165. louise Says:

    hello i believe i have sexsomnia according to my fiancee i make sexual noises during my sleep and masturbate is this something i should worry about?it is ruining our relationship because i am calling out other mens names in my sleep any advice?

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  166. Hayden Says:

    @louise if your partner understands that you are asleep then he should understand that you say other names.
    Surely he has experienced dreams where he has cheated on his partner. Most people have, it’s completely normal.

    As usual, the solution to srxsomnia seems to be education and acceptance.
    Hayden

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  167. Bekah Says:

    Baxk when my husband and I first started dating in 2002 I knew something was wrong. I’d wake up to him grinding against me and being very aggressive and forceful. I would think he was awake and as we started having sex he would be rough and sometimes even grab my throat and my hair pulling me around. He sweat a lot and make a lot of noise and said very vulgar things. Once I realized he was sleeping, I would have to fight him off by punching him if he was on me or fighting my way free and getting away from him to wake him up. He usually wakes up toward the end of his episode and is very disoriented for a few minutes. As we progressed in our relationship I began looking his symptoms up and found out he really had a sleeping disorder. He sleep talks and moves around a lot in his sleep. We have been together almost ten years now and married for six. His episodes slowed down to maybe once every six months over the past three years or so but recently he’s started again. Twice in the past week. I can tell now when he first starts whether or not he is awake. He is much more agressive with me. He bites, pulls my hair, speaks with a lot of vulgarity, sweats more, grabs at my throat, sucks down hard on my neck or shoulder and jerks me around. I don’t stop him usually because if I do he will just try over and over. It happens mostly when I spoon with him so I do try to avoid that so we can both get sleep. I can imagine how hard it has to be for younger couples just beginning or people with severe cases or who live alone and sleep walk. my best advice is be honest with people.

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  168. George Says:

    I have this. It only has happened three times in my life, I’m around 40. Once with a girlfriend who went along with it obviously as I woke up in the middle and had trouble finishing the act because I was confused as to how we got into this situation. Twice with my wife of 15 years who also consented but when I woke up in the middle or just at the beginning I just went along with it.

    As to this violent behavior of biting, hair pulling and throat grabbing, I think you need to look to yourself as a person. I would never do this to a woman I am having sex with so I wouldn’t do it subconsciously while asleep. Also, you can simply wake your partner up and say a strong “STOP”. This is just like sleep walking, sleep walkers don’t go and hurt or kill people because they aren’t violent or murderers in the first place.

    If “your roommate” is getting up crossing whatever distance getting into bed with you then trying to have sex with you while you yell “STOP” or slap them in the face then that is rape and they are not asleep maybe really really drunk or something but not “suffering” from sexomnia.

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  169. Jade Says:

    Hi, I have recently discovered after 2yrs of being in a relationship with my partner that he has this. I don’t know what to do about it. I really don’t like it happening and when it does he gets really violent. So far it’s been happening every night and sometimes even when he sleeps during the day. I’m really getting worried that he might really hurt me if he keeps going like this. It’s also causing alot of fights, because as I said he gets really violent. I want it to stop but since reading this I don’t know what to do. Please help!!

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  170. John Says:

    My issue is that this scares my partner and now she won’t cuddlewith me if there is the chance that I may fall asleep

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  171. as Says:

    my case started from 7 years with masturbation during sleep i was think that it was intended till i watch house in Islam masturbation is banned i am now with broken aim please help

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  172. George Says:

    Jade,

    So you are saying that you have been going out with a guy that has violent sex with you every night for 2 years? Here is some advice… break up. He is either faking it or a psychopath.

    Although I think you are full of it.

    George

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  173. Hayden Says:

    George,
    Its a real shame that people like you exist.
    Unfortunately, a lot of the worlds problems stem from ignorance.

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  174. Tina Says:

    I have read all of these stories. As I’m getting to the end of them, I’m noticing some inconsistencies between them though that I would like to ask about. Some people are saying to just try to wake them with a firm voice & ask them to stop. Others are saying that even fighting their partner off is not possible. My partner believes he suffers from this disorder, & I have to admit that I am skeptical but trying to keep an open mind (hence the research). Is it possible that simply trying to shake the person awake or yelling at them to stop would not work? Is it possible that even shoving them or in some cases hitting and kicking could still not work until there was actual harm done? For instance, several times I’ve had to actually hurt HIM before he would stop because words wouldn’t work & apparently he couldn’t hear me cry.

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  175. Jer Says:

    After reading all the stories in here I believe that I may have this disorder … I have had a few half remembered sleep

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  176. Jer Says:

    Oops … Typing on an iPhone sucks … Anyways when I was a teen I had a few “wet dreams” but nothing that couldn’t be chalked up to puberty … But for the past month my wife of 3 years has told me that I have been touching her in my sleep and it has happened quite a bit … Maybe 3 times a week … It hasn’t lead to sex yet, but after reading everything on here I guess I could be in the early stages … Unlike a lot of the folks here, I do not drink and porn is limited to barely any … But sleep has been scarce and work has been busy … I tried last night to focus on not touching my wife and sort of train my brain to see if that helps … One night down and no touching … But the worry is still there that I might get aggressive … Never had this with previous partners as far as I know … Could be nothing but I’ll repost if my brain training works … Thank you for this site !

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  177. tim Says:

    I just wanted to add something to this interesting forum. I was involved with a beautiful lady and we got along great. But she had a pet peeve about me groping her breasts and private parts. I did not know i was doing this to her and i was extremely embarrassed. She would tell me in the morning what i had done or tried to do to her the night before. This was not a daily thing, more like once a week. It led to me sleeping on the couch so i would not touch her and she could get her sleep. I do have a sleeping problem brought on by sleep apnea where you stop breathing throughout the night several times. I wake up so tired and can’t concentrate at work. Well the crux of this story was she had a teenage daughter and one night while sleeping on the couch i woke up and her daughter had her shirt off and under wear off and i was fondling her breasts. I was scared to death. I asked why she didnt stop me and all she did was laugh. It was hard to explain to the mother and very disturbing. Long story short, there was no sex but the mother was upset at me and i was upset with me, but within 48 hours i was arrested and charged with sexual assault on a minor. I am on the registry for the rest of my life and have no contact with women or anyone under 18. In fact I can’t even have contact with my daughter who is 5 because of what I did. So for all of you out there who date someone who has teenagers and have this problem, PLEASE discuss with your significant other your problem. I was to embarrassed to tell my partner when we first met. Communication is KEY with this problem. Don’t wind up like me with no job no friends and everybody looking down upon you. I have been in counseling for years and it has helped me out, as taking Ambien for a restfull night sleep. So I am asking all of you, Male and Female: if your partner has kids, you might not want to get involved for your own safety as well as any teenager that might become a victim. For those of you who are curious, My sentance was 20 to life probation and counseling until probation ends. The state i live in does not recognize Sexomnia as a condition they only consider it a deviant behavior. SO PLZ implement safety plans for yourself and your partner to not go thru what me and my family have gone thru….

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  178. tim Says:

    PS I dont drink or do drugs, and my clothes were on even though hers were not.

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  179. callie Says:

    I think I might have this. Firstly I read that it is common in bedwetters whuch I have had issues with and second obviosuly the sleep and sex thing my ex partners have said thati have engaged in sex whilst asleep I just assumed I was a deep sleeper and did not wake. I have never been told that I have perfomed a sexual act on any one or on my self it is just full sex that I don’t recall having although sometimes I have woken up fully during sex and remambered this in the morning. I’m not surehow many occasions I have slept through as I think it used to embrass my partner. Is this sexsomnia or am I just a really heavy sleeper. It has always been a partner that’s promted the sex while I have been sleeping never me.

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  180. P Says:

    What you have described is exactly what my problem is and probably exactly the same time frames too. I’m extemely concerned about this condition but my partner is fine with it but says I suddenly stop and sleep again which she finds frustrating. The problem I have is I have no recollection of these incidents and even though it’s happened several times I’m still shocked and mortified every time she tells me.

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  181. Dave Says:

    Well I’ve been on this forum for quite a while now. My life has changed quite a lot and I now find myself in a pretty good state of mind. Everything seems to be going right in my life.
    I thought the lack of stress may have gone some way to prevent the condition, but the sleep sex has gotten worse. I’ve episoded every night for the past 2 weeks, with increasing intensity. I’ve started getting headaches, which I never normally have and it’s creating a little friction in my relationship (seems she is understanding only to a certain point…)
    I’m still getting my diagnosis from the NHS, closely approaching TWO YEARS on from seeing my GP. Has anyone had a good healthcare experience?

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  184. Wez Says:

    All these stories are so familiar. I have had Sexsomnia for years now, probably since I was old enough to stay round at partner’s houses. My wife often jokes about me trying to have sex with her in my sleep, or trying to fiddle with her in some way. But it’s always been a source of worry for me. About 6 months ago, I was touring with my band and ended up having to kip down with a bandmate. When I woke up he was a bit weird with me, and eventually said later in the day “Do you remember trying to f*ck me last night?”. I was horrified. Luckily he’s a very good friend and understood when
    I enlightened him to my problem, but I do worry about falling asleep in a strange place now, just in case I try and hump something/someone/anyone!

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  186. Richie Says:

    I have sexsomnia and i discovered it in my early 20′s and had a girlfriend who made me feel really bad about the condition which shattered my self confidence. I only discovered it was a sleep condition a few years later when i saw a program on tv about it. I find it really hard to talk about sexsomnia with people especially with girls i meet. Some laugh about it and don’t see it as a problem and others are a little freaked out by it and don’t understand it. Ive just met a girl on the internet and i was dreading telling her about it, sleep came up in a conversation with her so i explained what happens sometimes and luckily she laughed about it and said she was ok with it although she had never heard of it before. Last night i woke up masturbating again so i decided to do some more research on sexsomnia and came across this website which is great for people like myself and others who suffer with it. I guess the most annoying thing for me is should i ever settle down and have children, i could never let them sleep in the same bed as me in fear of what i could do to them in my sleep. Im trying not to let it eat me up but sometimes it gets the better of me and it gets me down. I won’t take medication for it as i know they will have side effects, i just wish there was a “cure” for it but i guess its not that simple. When i was taking anti-depressants, they had a sedative in it which made me numb and drowsy but it stopped the sexsomnia. Now im off them, i have to deal with it again, but i guess i hope i can find someone who can cope with my problem. I wish everyone with any sleep condition the best in the future as i know from experience its not always easy to cope with.

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  187. M Says:

    I am a female with this “problem.” My hubby and i were just joking about it this morning because it happened again last night. I didn’t realise it had a name until last month I googled “i have sex during sleep.” It has been happening for years. There were mornings years ago when my husband would say “the sex was great last night!” and i would agree but actually had no memory of the event. Mind you, this only happens after a night out and some wine. Apparently, I get quite agressive, initiating and driving the bus if you will. It is usually the other way around, more tradtional when i am awake. And that is why we joke about it. I told him this morning that he should ask me what my name is during an episode. We thought maybe it is an alter ego with a name like misty, brittany or candy. he likes it and i get some exercise out of it, so i’m not concerned! it only happens once every few month or so. I wonder what would happen if both partners had it? funny to imagine!

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  188. Jay Says:

    I am glad I found this site. Unfortunately, I have a horrible story to tell. I have been married for over 15 years and have three beautiful daughters. They sleep in our bed regularly, or at least they did. About 6 months ago, I woke up in the middle fo th night and I was kissing my 11 year old duaghter on the stomach. I immediately “froze” and was completely bewildered by what was happening, thinking “Oh my God what on earth is going on.”. I asked her is she was awake, and she did not respond. The next day, I told my wife what happened, and she talked with my daughter. It was worse than I thought, she was awake, and not only was I kissing her mid section, but I was rubbing her between her legs. Apparently, and thankfully, she hit me, and that is when I woke up. We talked about it as a family, all of us crying, and I assured her that I am not even romotely interested in her “that way” and only love her in the purest way that a Dad can love their children. My hugs are supposed to be the one place where my kids can come for comfort, support, questions, wisdom, etc.

    Unfortunatley, the damage has been done. Understandably, she is scared of me. If she does give me a hug, it is a half a hug, and she turns almost sideways. My wife and I have trouble getting her to go to sleep at night, she stays up late, and will not go to sleep unless the tv is on, and door locked. Fortunately, she is still a straight A student, and appears to be a “normal” kid in every other way.

    I have no concern for myself. I pray for forgiveness everyday. It upsets me that I did not have “a decison” in this because the very thought of it is sickening, and disgraceful.

    My question is, How do I help her? I cannot imagine when the person you love the most and rely on, hurts you and betrays you. I just pray that there are no harmful long term effects.

    Are there signs I should be looking for? I/we have asked her if we/she would like to speak with a counselor about it, and she says, “no”, and that she is fine. She says, she is ok, and that she realizes it was a mistake.
    I pray so. I never thought in a million years that I would do anything to hurt one of my kids.

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  190. http://tinyurl.com/chizwilds27046 Says:

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  191. I know what it is! Says:

    amy:
    Someone please contact me.
    This is about to end my marriage.
    Ive been married to my husband for 7 years. He’s 34, im 27.
    For the past few years he’s “humped” in his sleep. the past year its got alot worse. He can get very rough and i hate it.
    I dont sleep well at all. Its every night without fail. He puts my hand on his winky and tries to have a fiddle, grabs my boobs, tries to enter me, tries getting me on top etc. He’s getting worse and im starting to hate him for it.
    This morning he spoke to me and said he woke himself up last night because he was thrusting so hard. I think the past few years when ive told him, he’s always thought i was joking or lying but now he knows just what he does. and to wake himself up he was obviously going mad at it!
    He wont go to the doctor

    I empathize with your situation, I have the same problem and thank God I discovered this site and your testimony and realize that there are women going through what I do. The truth is that is terrible not being able to sleep well! I am glad to know that my husband is not crazy.

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  192. Dave Says:

    For those of you who’ve been on this website a while, I’ve been posting my progress in getting a diagnosis/treatment on the NHS. For a while I’ve been on the drug Pregabalin, which has only marginally reduced my sexomnia. The sleep specialist is stumped and so has arranged for me to get a second opinion just to see if another doctor has any ideas. I think I’m either 2 or 3 years since my initial enquiry about this problem with my GP and I still haven’t had a formal diagnosis. Fortunately for me, it’s not a massive problem, other than the sleep loss. Good luck to the rest of you!

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  193. Matthew cope Says:

    This is something that has been highlighted to me recently as being a disorder, but my symptoms have been an issue for years now. Just this morning my partner told me those humorous but slightly embarrassing words “you did again last night matt”. We then go into a discussion whereby my astonishment I begin to ask questions, how’d it happen? What started it? Did I seem awake? Was I talking? These all seem to change with every episode, and it is only now I am beginning to record a mental track of when this is happening, which so far seems to be 1-2 month periods. In a positive note the Mrs is beginning to enjoy it… But then again my worry is what happens one day if she doesn’t, and I don’t stop? Will now continue to look for those answers

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  194. Liam Says:

    Hi, I’ve had “sexomnia” for around 4 years now I believe. It started after my son was born and I have episodes every night or atleast 4 times a week, lucky my wife is pretty understanding but I’ve had a few episodes of aggression which I’m horrified will get worse.

    The “episodes” range from – dry humping her leg, talking dirty, fondeling her boobs, shoving my hands in her pants etc…. Sometimes I’ve even sleep walk and have woken up during sex.

    I’m sure there is no cure for this but thought I would share some info on my triggers and what helps.

    Triggers- if my wife touches me (in any way) while I’m asleep.
    Stress and Tiredness

    What Helps – placing pillows in our mid area ( so I hump the pillows) an sometimes wearing pj’s to bed

    If anyone has anymore suggestions please share them. Thanks

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  196. Andy Says:

    I have had sleep problems from i was a child mostly shouting and talking in my sleep. 9 & a half years ago i met my beautiful partner. She began straightaway to notice i suffered from Sleep paralysis mixed with night terrors. I can remember not being able to move and thinking someone was in the room. My partner would be awoken by me leaping from bed shouting someone was in the room. 2 Years 8 moths ago we had a beautiful baby boy and at this point my sleep problems worsened. There has been only about 5-6 incidents initially they were agression such as hitting her in my sleep. The finally one was were whe awoke to find me on top of her forcing myself on her. As she is physically very strong she was able to force me off. At no point was i conscious during these episodes if my partner had not told me i wouldn’t have none. I am telling my story to give suffers advice if this happens go get help i didn’t at the start and i am now on the verge of loosing my beautiful lady as she cant tolerate me even touching her. The last episode was over a year ago and i have since gone to the doctor and am due to get a ECG at the end of the month. Please dont do what i did and try to be a “big” man and try to fix it yourself get help and listen to your partner if shes scared cos i didn’t and its destroyed my relationship.

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  199. Sophoulla Says:

    Like many other women, I am the girlfriend of a sexomnia ‘sufferer.’ As I read in a previous testimonial, I wouldn’t use the word suffer because I don’t feel that either of us are suffering, though I do understand and sympathise with those of you who are.
    Our experiences used to be quite frequent, but recently have slowed down. He has a history of sleep talking and walking, but has never experienced sexomnia with any previous partners, only me.
    When it happens, it normally starts with him getting an erection, which is totally normal – healthy men have between 2-4 erections a night. However, it doesn’t normally end here. Mostly he thrusts against me from behind as I am normally facing away from him. It may then become more aggressive but never to a harmful or even uncomfortable point. He usually then aggressively pulls my pjs down and starts to thrust again. Groping of the boobs and sometimes touching my vj as well. I don’t think he has ever physically had intercourse with me whilst asleep, but has definitely been so through the foreplay.
    I don’t mind it at all, in fact it’s usually welcomed. Other times I’ll be extremely annoyed (like when I used to get up at 2.30am for work) or sometimes I’ll just push him away and fall back asleep.

    Lastly, I’d like to offer my sympathy to those people that do suffer from this condition – it can’t be nice knowing you tried to have sex with one of your friends in your sleep. My advice is just to relax about it, if you’re with a friend, tell them about it.
    To those who have been victims of sexomnia sufferers and to those who have been given sexomnia as an excuse for rape, I’m sorry that this has happened to you. There is no way to tell if the person was lying or not, but as has been said before, please don’t harass a support page for people actually suffering from this – just because you think it’s bullshit, doesn’t mean it is. I have experienced it first hand and can vouch for its authenticity.

    Sorry for the long post, hope it helps though!

    S x

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  202. Brit Says:

    My husband has always talked in his sleep, ground his teeth, and occasionally sleep walked. In addition, he has had sexomia for almost 6 years now. His first episode was unprovoked and threw me off because he was talking, eyes were open and I thought he was awake. He on the other hand, woke up in mid-sex and was confused as to what was going on and how he got on top of me.

    During all episodes he either doesn’t have any memory of it at all, thinks its a dream, or wakes up in mid sex. His episodes happen about 2-3 times a week on average but he has done it as many as 4 times in one night (alcohol was involved). He does not do anything to himself but he has done everything from kissing and touching me sexually to preforming oral on me and even complicated sexual positions such as doggie style. Having sex before he goes to sleep doesn’t seem to be a factor.

    For us, his sexomnia isn’t an issue and has even become welcomed, but it is easy to see where it could be a huge issue for others. For the first 3 years we didn’t know his condition had a name until watching an episode of Law and Order and they mentioned a guy having sexomnia. We are glad that this website is here and it has helped us to see what others are going through and what triggers them in addition to what people have done to prevent them.

    Hope us sharing helps and good luck to everyone that is truly suffering from sexomnia.

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  203. Brit Says:

    Sorry for spelling it wrong in my previous comment. Sexsomnia, not sexomnia.

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  205. ian Says:

    I definitely have this and have for many years, my partner has had to endure many sleepless nights because of me waking her up and also worried I might hurt her as I have forcibly grabbed her to have sex but didn’t only because she got out of bed, I also have grabbed her by the throat on one occasion . this caused her to become fearful and now is hypervigilant to the point where she is now not able to let me sleep in bed with her and is leaving me so she can be with someone who can hold her at night. so it is no laughing matter or a bonus to my partner. she is devastated as we loved each other very much but now cant even sleep together

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  210. Anna Says:

    I can’t work out if I have this ‘disorder’ or if I’m just a sexual person. There has been many occasions where I’ve just had sex with someone, then we go to sleep. Next thing I know if I’m waking up to either myself playing it’s them or them playing with me. None of the people have ever been out off by this, if anything I think they like it. One time I woke up and the guy was touching me and later said it was because he woke up and noticed I was touching myself, I don’t remember this part though. I have on many occasions woken up by myself masturbating as well. I don’t see this as a disorder though. Maybe I’m going quite turned on?

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  211. Donna Says:

    I think i have this, but not sure as i always wake myself up , But i always seam to wake up passionatly kissing my husband or just at the beginning of sex and he says i suddenly jump up and spin around and just start kissing him like a mad women and it goes from there. I feel very embaressed about this as im very shy about sex and dont normally go about it in that manner, But my husband has no problem what so ever with it thankfully. the last time it happened i woke up kissing him but hadnt woken him up yet so i turned back over and went to sleep i just thought i was being wired and i have never even heard of this. So im glad to have found this page to hear what everyone else experiances are.

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  212. Dave Says:

    I went to sleep as usual one night. Falling fast asleep, I awoke a short time later to my wife on top of me having sex with me. I must have startled her after I woke up and she gets off of me. I had no Idea she was doing anything to me or the act. Another time I awoke to find my hand down her pajama bottoms while she slept. Immediately removed my hand from where it was. I’m confused as to why it is happening to me. I work long days, Try to get to bed early enough. Live a half descent lifestyle, all tho the relationship has not been health. I get 6 hours sleep. I can’t figure it out.

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  213. Dan Says:

    A few years back, when I was going through a very stressful time with work, I started sleep sexing my partner. It started off infrequently, but over time it became more and more regular and I would do it almost every night. I would be very vigorous and would usually hurt him, and sometimes would even bite his lip or nipples. I would have no recollection of any of this the next morning. When I eventually left my job, the occurrences stopped.

    This hasn’t occurred for a few years now and I put it down to the stressful situation happening at work, but last night it happened again with my new partner. Luckily I had told him about my past experience so he understood what was happening and has taken it well. I was very vigorous again, and again I woke up not knowing anything. I’m not going through any stressful situations at the moment so I hope it is just a one-off and not the start of another string of sleep sex occurrences.

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  214. Chelsey fox Says:

    I think my fiancé has this, it started as him groping me and grinding against me, I thought it was him being overly amorous but realised that he was asleep; we had a bit of a laugh about it till it started getting worse, he started getting so bad that he would insert himself no matter how hard I pulled away. I took the hard decision to sleep in a separate bed till I got a reliable contraception. It still is quite hard to deal with because it is like you’re being raped but you know it is not their fault. He also sleep talks so it’s interesting that they can be tied.

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  215. JJ Says:

    I’ve always masturbated in my sleep, and since I’ve started sharing a bed with my boyfriend I’ve started trying to initiate sex, luckily he finds it funny and just rolls me over or wakes me up, He probably understands as he sleep walks.

    Thought I’d share as what I’ve read is mainly guys explaining how it is for them, or girls sharing their experience with male sufferers.

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  216. Christy Says:

    Ashley:
    I was told by my fiance that I had done sex acts to him while I was sleeping. I woke up and I do not remember anything at all. It is the first time this has ever happend (that I know of). It is kinda scary to know that this could happen and not remember a single thing. I am usually not a hard sleeper and wake up easy, so its hard to know that I could have engaged in this type of activity unknowingly.

    Please email with the headline Sexsomnia… I would love to talk to you about this.. It seems that I may have the same problem and would like some advice from another female.. thank you for your time

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  217. Christy Says:

    Tammy:
    I don’t even know where to begin. About 8 months ago my husband claims that i started masterbaiting in my sleep. We have been married for 6 years and this is the first time I have been told that. Backing up and giving a little history he has been taking oxycotin for 8 years prescribed by a pain dr. He used to cut them in half. He also drinks nothing but sweet tea and dr. peppers all day. On top of that he is on testosterone shots. They changed the formula of the oxy and now you can not cut them in half so it was at that point he said he thought he might have ADHD. Well I am convinced he does not because if he did he could not focus at work and do the type of job he does well. He went to dr knowing what med he wanted and did not tell them what all he was on they gave him vyvanse. Two weeks after taking it that is when all this began. I did a sleep study they found nothing. But because my husband swears I am doing this I am on medication. But he claims the meds dont work so now im on two and he still says my condition is worse. He has moved out of the bedroom about 7 monthes ago he gets up in the night and comes and checks on me. I am not saying I dont have this but I find it odd that it would just appear. Also he tells me that it is very disturbing to him and that I am doing this on purpose and the Dr.’s dont’t know what they are talking about. He accusses me of dreaming about someone else but im so druged up now when i go to sleep all i remember is going to bed and waking up. I did research on vyvanse and one of the side effects of it if you dont need it is hallucinations, phycosis, and paranoia. And because of Hippa laws I cant talk to his dr’s. I don’t know if I have this or not but it seems that everything the dr is doing that treats it according to my husband isnt working Help!!!!!! I feel like I am going crazy he said if I dont fix it hes leaving cause he thinks im doing this on purpose is it me or vyvanse?

    Tammy, please message me with the heading Sexsomnia… it sounds like you and I are having the same problem… would love to talk to you… thank you…

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  218. Dean Says:

    Hi there

    I’ve been doing a lot of research about sexomnia and the people who suffer from the condition. There doesn’t seem to be a lot of information in the media- especially not in the UK.

    I’m looking to write an article on the subject and I was hoping to speak to people who suffer from the condition first hand in order to gather a clear understanding and insight into the effect it can have on people’s lives and relationships.

    It will be for the UK women’s magazines so mainly focussed on female sufferers and the effect it has on their male partners.

    I’m hoping someone may be willing to speak to me a bit about this in order to help with my research?

    I’m reachable on dean@catersnews.com

    I appreciate it’s a bit of an unusual request but I hope someone is willing to open up in order to make people more aware of the condition and help undiagnosed sufferers.

    I look forward to hearing from you.

    Best
    Dean

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  219. maggie Says:

    Hi my partner has this. We have been together 15 years and he has always done it. He has never hurt me. Sometimes I go along with it sometimes I say no or wake him and it stops until he goes back to sleep then can start again. It has caused arguments because we both work and have Children so the sleep interruption can cause friction.
    A few weeks ago we were arguing and had spent about a week sleeping separately. On our sons birthday he had a redundancy final consultation and was told he would potentially lose his Job in 3 months.
    We had a party fir my son then invited a good friend around for drinks and a take out. We all got very drunk and hardly ate anything. We fell asleep on the sofa and later on my friend woke us up. All was fine the next day and we all had breakfast and lunch together etc then in the week she told me she woke to him behind her with. Hands down her pants. She said she tried to push his hands away but he was very strong and so she dug her nails in and pushed him away.. She said he appeared asleep. She is very upset and never wants to see him again. he is very upset because He doesn’t remember it at all and feels very guilty for upsetting her. I am upset because I feel guilty because I should have made him go to bed and maybe this wouldn’t have happened.
    He has moved out, he is self harming, I’m upset, my friend is upset, our friendship has suffered the children are upset because their dad is not at home.
    He has offered to go to the police with her but she won’t go yet has told people and another friend of ours has said he should be on the sex offenders register.
    Its such a mess. I believe he did it, but I also know based on my own experiences that he was sleeping and the stress and alcohol helped cause the situation.
    FOr anyone that thinks this is made up it isnt. For anyone that thinks it’s funny it isn’t. Please keep yourselves safe and don’t sleep in the same room with anyone who would be upset by your actions.
    If anyone could give me any advice I would be grateful. He has been to the doctor they said don’t drink alcohol and take sleeping tablets.

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  220. David Thomas Says:

    I suffer from Sexomnia.My experience with the Medical Establishment is that they just don’t believe me. It would be nice to meet someone who understands this condition.

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  221. Jillian Says:

    !!!PLEASE HELP!!!
    Hi, my fiancé and I have been together a little over a year and we have spent q lot of time arguing about him wanting sex constantly. Don’t get me wrong I love him with all my heart and breaking up over this is NOT an option. But not only don’t he want It all the time he talks about it enough for me to not necessarily want it all the time. And every night without fail he dry humps me and all scoot over and politely ask him to stop and next thing I know he is humping my being or rubbing his member on me. I haven’t gotten one full night of sleep without being woken up like this in a looonnggg time! Then I wake up to him (after waking up to him several times in the night) wanting to have sex. Iove him and hate myself for getting so frustrated! I just need a resolution or some advice!!! Please help !!!

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  222. Jillian Says:

    Oh and I’ll get more frustrated some night and we will wake up arguing in the middle of the night or as right in the morning. We love each other so much. He recently started exploring the web for an answers and he found this sexonia thing. I don’t no much about it or how to tell if HD may just be using this as an excuse. Though I don’t think he is. Thank you and hope you all have found good advice!!

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  223. Danielle Says:

    It happens about 2 hours after I go to bed.

    I feel so freaking weird about it. I’m a normal person, I grow a garden, I’m married, I don’t really have any hobbies or fetishes.

    I’ve been fondling my husband in my sleep. I wake up when we begin intercourse. I’ve always thought he had been starting it. He’s always claimed that I start it. But the other night I woke up above him, and I remembered the dream. That time was super weird. In my dream we had been kissing and other things. But in reality, I had just been fondling him.

    The midnight sex has happened about 10 times this year.

    I remember a few years back, I was sleeping next to a man (non sexually) and he said I woke up in the middle of the night, looked him in the eyes, smiled at him, and then “bear hugged” him tightly.

    I’m a gentle person, so I’m not surprised that my sleep episodes are gentle.

    I was hospitalized as a baby with sleep apnea. I’ve read these two things could be related. I was going to bring it up to my Dr at my next check up. Do you think I should go sooner?

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  224. Danielle Says:

    Ps, my husband and I are not bothered by our love making, it’s just a little weird. So far I’ve never done anything weird or “unwanted.”

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  225. Danielle Says:

    And it totally sucks that I can’t talk about this with my friends or family. I bet it’s more common than we think. But people do not talk about such things.

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  226. Exhausted Says:

    Hi Lilly,

    I’m in a very similar situation to you and just wondered if a few years down the track anything has changed, or helped? I’m married, and almost every night touch myself, yell out about other men, or physically lash out at my husband because I don’t want him there. All while I’m asleep and all contradictory to my awake feelings.

    Thanks!

    Lilly:
    Hi all,

    I’ve only just become aware that sexomnia is a real condition.I thought I was just going nuts!

    For me, my sexomnia started around four and a half months ago. I’m fairly sure that what triggered it was a particularly nasty streak of insomnia. At my worst, I was down to around three and a half hours sleep a night. I’m up to around six hours now, but with not being able to get any REM sleep, I’m constantly tired, which just perpetuates the problem.

    After reading everyone’s accounts of their episodes, I’m almost ashamed to say that mine are an every night occurance. In the four and a half months it’s been going on, there have only been two or three nights where I didn’t grope my poor husband enough to wake him up. On the upside, apparently I give a pretty mean handjob in my sleep!

    Although I’m yet to actually engage in intercourse during an episode, hubby says that I grope him, and insist that he returns the favour. One night, he decided to try to just push me away to see what would happen. I punched him in the face. He hasn’t tried to do that again, lol.

    The worst part of my condition is the sleep talking. I talk a lot, apparently. Which in of itself isn’t a problem. But, according to hubby, I’m declaring my undying love for another man. Talk about awkward! Lucky for me, hubby is understanding.

    I haven’t sought any help, at least not from ‘professionals’. At the moment it’s not causing me any grief, and to be frank, hubby loves it.What my research has shown me, though, is that sleep deprevation makes the ‘problem’ worse.And because episodes occur during REM sleep, we don’t get a proper night’s sleep, so we suffer further sleep deprivation, which just perpetuates the ‘problem’.

    So…what I’m trying to do is have an afternoon nap each day to combat the sleep deprivation, and hopefully that will slow down the episodes of sexomnia.That’s the plan, anyway!

    It’s been so good to read everyone else’s accounts, and to know that I’m not the only person who goes through this. Although it seems I’m one of the minority who make it a nightly occurance. Oh, and I never wake up, and I never remember my episodes.I’m seriously considering setting up a camcorder so I can see what the hell is going on during the night!I’d love to know!

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  227. Exhausted Says:

    Hi Jess,

    I’m in a very similar situation to you and just wondered if a few years down the track anything has changed, or helped? I’m married, and almost every night touch myself, yell out about other men, or physically lash out at my husband because I don’t want him there. All while I’m asleep and all contradictory to my awake feelings. This has been going on in varying degrees for at least two years and clonazepam hasn’t helped.

    Thanks!

    Jess:
    I have been told by my bf of 8yrs that I masterbate in my sleep although I have only done it for the past 3yrs (so he tells me) and it is increasingly getting worse. I can do it more than once every night, according to my bf, he has also said that I talk dirty and say another man’s name whilst doing this, (I have no feelings for this man that I mention in my sleep).

    I have no dirty dreams that I remember and do not remember anything even after being woken up by him straight after an “episode”. This is obviously causing stress between us because his a light sleeper so we are both being sleep deprived and he feels upset by the sleep talk and actions and feels he is not satisfying me sexually, as I do it even after sex with him.

    I have been to the GP and tried 3 different drugs, none of which did very much to stop the actions, (although this was over 2yrs ago now) I have also been referred to clinics.

    The first I was told by the doctor that her speciality was not appropriate for this problem. The second clinic, the GP thought it might be conected to sleep apnea as my bf also mentioned I stop breathing in my sleep too.

    The sleep study test showed that I have the normal amount of sleep apnea and after a couple of very uncomfortable nasal probes was told I had a regrowth of adenoids and was put to sleep for further investigations incase this was the cause which also amounted to nothing so I was then referred to a snoring speacialist (which has nothing to do with the main sleep sex problem), as you can see I have asked for help and had no luck over the past 3 yrs in finding a reason/trigger or cure.

    If anyone has tried anything that they think has remotely helped them please help me. I have also tried not smoking, sleeping in seperate rooms, not drinking, having lots of sex before going to sleep, having no sex for a few weeks, different bedtime clothing, I also work shift patterns so I’ve tried going to bed at different times.

    The only option I can see thats left is councilling or hypnotherapy, has anyone tried this.

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  228. Steve Says:

    Hi
    kinda realised that I have had sexomnia for a number of years now. I often woke up middle of the night feeling horny and would masturbate. My fiancé has told me recently that I have tried to make love to her on numerious occasions. I have also woke to find myself rubbing and touching my fiancé.
    I am 37 and I am finding this hard to take in.
    my fianc e is very understanding but I am finding it hard.

    any advice or help much appreciated

    cheers
    me

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  229. David Thomas Says:

    Does any one agree with me that the act of someone having sex with you while you are asleep is a case of sexual abuse; that’s how I see it. It very much depends on your point of view whether you say you suffer from Sexomnia or experience it.

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  230. 101 Says:

    David T – Good question. for me no, I’ve ask my partner (female) to punch me in the face if I ever get to freeky. I normally ‘hump’. Its a horrible thing to wake up and have so one you love tell you ‘you did things’ last night, I normally feel uneasy, confused, not in control. I dont remember any of it. Its happened when I shared a bed with a mate he just said nice humping last night ;-) but a horrible experience.

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  231. cloudy Says:

    I suffer from this, or should i say my wife does! But with me it happens every night! An i dnt have any recalection of anything?? But it obviously starting to cause problems.
    I need help!! My wife’s family say i do it purposlywhich make thing worse with my wife.
    Is there anything i can do to stop it?
    Need help please!!!

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  232. cloudy Says:

    Just to add to my previous, i dnt do sexuall things to myself(masturbate e.g) .
    I feel, grope attack my wife.
    Ive expierenced no physical/mental abuse at all, but am starting to feel like…… maybe a perv or worse a rapist??

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  233. Friars126 Says:

    It’s been so good to read some stories about all of this. My partner of 5 years and soon to be husband has Sexsomnia. In the beginning of our relationship I had no idea but as time went on I began to notice that it was very out of character. I would turn over and disturb him and that would be enough for him to pounce on me. He was mortified when I told him and felt perverted and scared he would hurt me or damage our relationship. This is complicated by the fact I was abused as a child but he is easily settled back down thankfully. I am also a therapist so have a very understanding nature but I remember hearing about an awful case on the TV of a man accused of an assault when it was actually Sexsomnia. If I hadn’t seen episodes of it myself, I’m not sure what I would make of it but it really is no different to sleep walking or talking, of which my partner does neither.

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  234. jamie Says:

    Kiara:
    I think this disorder is a load of BS!! i have been the unfortunate Person who was Molested because of this stupid and obviously made up Disorder, its the same as frickin restless leg syndrome which i also think is a stupid disorder that isnt real , hell i have a real disorder, Not some disorder that your brain invented because you masterbated too much and now your brain thinks you need it all the time.

    This is so stupid , you know what .. if any doctor can message me and give me irrefutable proof that this ” Sexomnia” crap is real, Maybe i will think about not pressing charges on on of my roommates. Cuz i am an Epileptic , and my brain actually freaks out and makes my body seize! so when it comes to this sex sleep stuff i think you are ALL full of CRAP!!!!

    What a complete idiot. This person shouldn’t even be allowed access to the internet.

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  235. B Says:

    I recently got married to my high school sweet heart of 6 yrs, we’ve had conversations about stuff I do at night and I never knew why. I work 2nd shift till midnight or so and don’t go to bed till around 3 or 4. Last night I went to bed at 4 and woke up at 5 from an incident. I felt absolutely terrible. After hating myself for this incident being one of the worst. I am extremely happy i found this site. Because honestly with how this had made me feel I was probably one more incident away from sticking my 45 in my mouth… This site has helped me out so much reading everyone’s stories cause its given me and my wife a better understanding of what’s going on. After searching for 3 hours and finding this site, I showed her and she seemed relieved too.. Thank you everyone!

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  236. avalon Says:

    i have read most of the comments here and i do understand that it must be quite difficult for bedmates and partners to understand, believe, or empathize with someone who has this disorder. i had night episodes of this for years, spanning three different relationships and it didn’t occur to me what it was until i saw an episode of SVU where someone had it. i would awake in the middle of the night to find that my partner (two different boyfriends and eventually my husband) was fully in process of having sex with me. as a survivor of multiple sexual assaults, this was very upsetting to me because i really felt that i couldn’t trust any man to not bother me while i was sleeping. it sometimes felt like i was being assaulted all over again. and then the unthinkable, they would always blame it on me, saying that i had started it with them first! the two boyfriends found it annoying, but my ex-husband had a very high libido and thought it was awesome, until i accused him of taking advantage of me while i slept. since sexually aggressive behavior seems less likely in women than men, and given my history of abuse, it took a long time before i really believed that it was me starting it. i did notice that it was more pronounced when i had irregular sleeping schedules or when i was doing shift work. once i started a regular 9 to 5 job, it seemed to subside, though then i began having episodes of insomnia and intrusive thoughts. there is a history of neurological problems in my family, including alzheimer’s. as a child i often talked in my sleep to the degree that other kids in the family didn’t want to share a room with me at family gatherings. since i was about 10, i also have a fainting disorder which witnesses have sometimes mistaken for seizures. i have had at least one seizure as a side effect of a prescription medication, and my daughter was recently diagnosed with juvenile myoclonic epilepsy (she does have clonic-tonic seizures, but also gelastic seizures, focal seizures, and absence seizures). now i sleep alone except on weekends when i see my fiance, and he has not reported any unusual sleep behavior, except a few instances of talking or mumbling. i did tell him about it ahead of time in case it recurred, and he is very understanding about it (particularly because he has periodic limb movement disorder and often taps me on my head or shoulder while he is sleeping, LOL). anyway i didn’t see here anyone having the perspective of feeling that they themselves were being victimized and it aggravating PTSD symptoms from previous abuse, so i thought i would share that point of view. hopefully awareness of this condition will grow and effective treatments will become commonplace for people who have it, and for the sake of their bedmates!

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  237. matt Says:

    Taf42: Your an asshole!
    My own husband would rape me in my sleep. He was sound asleep, I’d wake up to him violently fucking me. He was unconscious of what was happening. He was sleeping, you just because you don’t have it. It’s not happening to you. Doesn’t mean others are not suffering. And by the way it wasn’t him that suffered. It was me. Your a dick!!!!

    Hi my wife hates me because of this I have done some crazy stuff in my sleep now she cant do it no more and left is there any wife that husband do this that can help me get advice for her as I love her and now hate myself gor hurting her

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  238. matt Says:

    Hi my wife hates me because of this I have done some crazy stuff in my sleep now she cant do it no more and left is there any wife that husband do this that can help me get advice for her as I love her and now hate myself gor hurting her

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  241. angel2012 Says:

    Hi,
    My boyfriend has sexomnia. We found out when we first got together. He would wake up in the middle of the night and said he was honey and starting to touch me. He always wakes up during it and just played along. But at sometime we talked about it and he would admit that he was asleep and at some point he wakes up. We were joking about it saying i was taking advantage of him while he is asleep.
    Anyway he still has it sometimes more sometimes less. But nothing ever happened when I didn’t want to so I feel really lucky cause he just goes back to sleep when I tell him off. But it does get annoying and sometimes it gets exhausting when he tries more than once or twice during the night.
    Im scared for it to get worse and I feel for everyone who suffers from it (whether the person with sexomnia or partner).
    I don’t have a solution but am kind of hoping that my story will help someone with maybe a milder version of it, if you can say that.

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  242. des Says:

    I think i might have this at first it started with me wakeing up with my hands between my partners legs and i thought nothing of it untill the other night i woke up and my partner was shaking out of anger i was asking what was wrong and she said you know what you done and i had no clue. When i finaly got her to tell me what happend i was scared still am it never happend before from what she said i was in mid intercourse with her when she woke up i rolled over to my side of the bed and at that point i woke up and i cant remember what happend the thing that hurts is that she dont belive me i’m really scared and im waiting for a second docters appoint any advice would be gratfull

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  243. Ellz Says:

    My fiancé has this disorder. Firstly, I’d like to dispute accusations that this “isn’t a real disorder” or is just another word for “sex addict”. He often wakes up mid-sex, but mostly he’ll just wake up confused in the mornings. Generally, my sex drive is higher than his, so I don’t tend to mind too much. However, I suffer from insomnia when I’m stressed and lately my sleep patterns haven’t been good, so unfortunately his sexsomnia is becoming a real issue for me. And it means that I’m often irritable and tired throughout the day due to the lack of/interrupted sleep.

    I don’t want to start sleeping in the spare room but I don’t have much other choice as he’s been to the doctors and they’ve said there’s nothing they can do… Is anyone aware of anything that will help? Even if only for a temporary measure until my insomnia subsides?

    Thanks in advance!

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  246. Kayla Says:

    I think my bf has this. I am ok with it bc it’s very sensual and great. But I have one question. Does this mean he is thinking about someone else while sleeping and then has sex with me? Bc this morning it happened he got off work from 3rd shift he said he was too tired to have sex at the moment so we layer back down after about an hour after he was asleep he started groping me and initiated sex he wakes up half way through it and he doesn’t act surprised. So is he dreaming about someone else? Or does he really want me that much to want it in his sleep?

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  247. Kayla Says:

    And would he just do it with anyone while he was asleep?

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